For all of you who love Mikey, you're gonna enjoy this!
I hope you all have a great couple of days - I personally love Christmas! Oh and make sure you buy 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' from iTunes or something. Got to get it to the Christmas number one. It only cost 70p from iTunes and it'll educate the mass's music taste. And the money (well some of it) goes to charity. You have no reason not to! It'd be great to see Nirvana at number one, they are, after all, kick ASS!
And I'm gonna try and put something Christmas-y in the next few chapters, but knowing me, it'll be like a month late.
Anyway, enough of my babbling, on with the story!
I admit to spending most of the next few days thinking about what Andy said. I hated the way that everyone seemed so sure that Phin wouldn't cheat on her boyfriend, but Frank would apparently be happy to cheat on me. I also couldn't stand how every single reassurance he had made to me had gone out the window at the slightest whim that they may not be true. Did I serious mistrust my boyfriend that much, that I could believe a single thing that he said? Surely that couldn't be healthy?
But then, he had seemed so sincere when he'd promised me that he didn't want anyone other than me. I beleived Frank at the time, so what had really changed? Nothing, just Phin doing a little more to try and convince me to trust me boyfriend. And other than making out with that guy last week, he hadn't given me a reason not to.
By the end of the weekend, I'd come to the conclusion that really, my conversation with Andy made no difference what so ever. After all, it was Phin that I was worried about Frank sleeping with, and her boyfriend seemed convinced that she wouldn't cheat on him. So I had no need to worry. All the same, I decided to ask Mikey for his opinion when he arrived tomorrow.
I grinned to myself at that thought. It was about eleven o'clock on Sunday night and my little brother would be arriving some time tomorrow afternoon. Me and Frank would still be in school, but I'd get to see him straight after, and John said that I didn't have to work the week he was staying. I was so excited to see him again.
Mind you, what would he think of me? I had been sent to California to get clean, and whilst I wasn't half as involved with drugs and booze as I was back home, I did get pretty plastered the previous night. Me, Frank, Ollie and Lissa had ended up spending the entire day round Bob's. We'd gone back to his after the club closed and just crashed on the couch. When we woke up, we were all too badly hungover to move. Thank goodness me and Frank didn't have to work on a Sunday. We'd have been screwed.
The point is, I wasn't doing particularly well at stopping with the wild partying, drug and alcohol and Mikey had always been able to see right through me. And if I wasn't clean for his stay, God only knows how much longer it'd be before I went home.
I rolled over in bed, wishing for sleep to come. For the first time in a while, I was sleeping in my own bed, and Frank in his. I kinda missed him, but it was nice to be able to spread out as I slept and not be in fear of receiving another handjob as I slept. Why he had done that was still beyond me. I wondered what my brother and boyfriend would think of eachother. I had a shrewd feeling that Mikey wouldn't like him. After all, I hadn't at first, and besides, my brother would see Frank as the one helping me to get drunk and do drugs. Ok, it was partially true, but he didn't understand. Admittedly, I was a lot more comfortable around my friends here than I had ever been with the New Jersey crowd, but I still felt nervous, even around Bob. Drinking and getting high got rid of that awkwardness. I made me relax, helped me fit in and have a good time. And besides, everyone else was drinking and popping pills like there was no tomorrow. I didn't want to be the odd man out, and anyway, I enjoyed getting high. Ok, the morning after was never fun, but the nights - what I could remember of them atleast - were worth it.
When I fell alseep, I was still making up excuses for the drugs and alcohol. Needless to say I didn't sleep very well.
Monday morning, I literally crawled out of bed, completely exhausted. I pulled my clothes on in a daze - the pounding music that Frank was playing was the only thing keeping me awake. I ate breakfast and rode to school half asleep too. My boyfriend kept on trying to make conversation with me, but I was just too out of it to respond.
"You ok?" He asked, as we pulled into the school and parked.
"Yeah, I'm fine thanks." I yawned in reply.
"Pretty much. I didn't sleep too good last night."
I sighed. Why did Frank have to be so pushy? "I was excited I guess, 'bout seeing Mikey. Nervous too - 'bout what he's gonna think. It's not exactly like I'm stone cold sober all the time, like I promised him I would be."
My boyfriend reached over and squeezed my hand. "It's ok - you'll be fine. Anyway, you don't have to tell him you've been drinking and as long as you don't get pissed, he'll never know any different."
"I can never lie to him though. Mikey's alway just seen right through me."
"Hey," Frank cupped the bottom of my face, and pulled my head round so I was looking at him. "Chin up, eh?" He grinned, and I smiled slightly in response.
Throughout the rest of the day, I became happier and happier. I was going to see Mikey! I hadn't seen my kid brother for nearly three months now - since the beginning of September, and it was nearly December now! I was so excited. By last lesson, I was practically bouncing in my seat. I was going to see Mikey!
I was first out into the parking lot, which never happened. Literally bouncing up and down, I waited impatiently for Frank to get to the car. Didn't he know that my brother was waiting for me at John's? Finally, he came out of the building chatting casually to Ollie, whilst I was bobbing up and down on the balls of my feet. Nearly all of the rest of the gang had left already, saying 'bye' to me as they drove off. Why the fuck was my boyfriend being so slow.
Eventually, he parted ways with Ollie, unlocked the car, got in next to me and started the engine.
"You seem happier than you did this morning!" He commented cheerfully, driving off.
"I'm gonna see Mikey!" I literally beamed back.
"I realised." Frank smirked back amused, but I could tell he was happy for me. Even if he wasn't, I didn't care - I was too excited.
The drive back to John's seemed longer than usual, but that was no surprise. The entire day had fucking dragged by. When finally, we pulled into the drive, I dove out of the car before Frank even had the chance to kill the engine. I ran inside, to hear the sound of my younger brother's voice talking happily to my uncle. I ran through the house, following the sound, until I finally laid eyes on my brother for the first time in what seemed like forever.
He turned at the sound of me entering the kitchen, and a wide grin stretched happily across his face. "Gerard!" He yelled and ran over to me. We threw our arms around eachother, me feeling like my face was about to split in half because of how wide my grin had stretched.
When we finally released eachother, I took a step back to examine my little brother. Only, he wasn't so little anymore. Mikey had grown by a good few inches, and was pretty much taller than me. He still had his thin, plastic glasses though - balanced peciriously on the edge of his nose. He grinned at me, and pushed them back up the bridhe of his nose. His mousey brown hair was hanging down over his face, and was longer than I remembered.
"Hey Mikes!" I positively beamed.
"'Ay, Gerard. You're really tanned!" Mikey laughed back at me. I blushed, and glared down at my bare arm. My brother held his out and put it next to mine. Great, he was paler than me.
"Typical! Now how am I supposed to pull off being a vampire?"
John chuckled at that. "Look, why don't you boys go upstairs and catch up. I'll order a Chinese or something, and call you down when it arrives."
I nodded thankfully. Grabbing Mikey's hand, I pulled him upstairs to my bedroom. Me and my brother were best friends, always had been, and after nearly three months of not having seen eachother, we had a hell of a lot of catching up to do!
I laughed at the sight of Gerard launching himself out of the car and running into the house, tripping over his feet as he did so. I parked, cut the engine, and went inside. I could hear Gerard's excited babbling from the kitched. As I turned the corner, and was about to go into the kitchen, he ran out, hanging on to some other guy's hand and pulling him up the stairs. I assumed the other dude was Mikey. Neither of them noticeed me.
Shrugging this off, I walked into the the kitched, where John had just picked up what looked like the menu for the local Chinese.
"Hi," I said to him, opening the fridge and digging through to try and find something to drink.
"Hey kid." He said in reply. "You ok?"
Not really, I thought. I'm feeling a tiny bit rejected by boyfriend. "Yeah, I'm good thanks - you?
"Yeah, I'm ok. I'm gonna get Chinese tonight - anything in particular you want."
"Just nothing with meat." I found a beer, pulled it out and closed the fridge before snapping open the top and taking a sip of the cool liquid. It tasted divine.
"Fair enough. I'm going back to the shop in a few minutes. You want a lift?"
Great, so Gerard gets the next week off and I don't? Not to mention the fact that it looks like I'm not going to see my boyfriend for that entire time 'cause he's gonna be too preoccupied with his brother. I mean, I thought that at least I'd have a chance to talk to him at work. Next thing you know, he's going to be skipping school.
Then something hit me. Gerard wasn't planning on staying here for any long amount of time. Infact, it was just until he cleaned up, which - apart from the occasional party - he had. If Mikey saw that, he'd just end up going back to Jersey even faster. And then... I wouldn't have anyone.
"Yeah, that's be good thanks." I said in response to John's question. "I'm just gonna go upstairs and get changed."
"Ok, but don't be too long - I hate ditching the shop halfway though the day."
I nodded, then ran up the stairs to the third floor. When I passed Gerard's room, I could hear excited chatter and giggles. Yes, giggles. When I was in my room, I simply collapsed in my room, face down.
How could I have forgotten? Of course Gerard wasn't staying here permanently! Fucking hell, he was staying in California until he stopped drinking, which I'd just been encouraging him to do. Meaning that he'd just abandom me sooner. And it had to be that guy that I'd actually began to care about, that I'd began to let into my life. The guy that was going to leave.
I slowly changed my clothes, not bothering to turn the radio on. I enjoyed the silence. I used the mirror to smear a little more black around my eyes then decided that it was probably time to go back downstairs again, and go into work with John.
On my way down, I poked my head round Gerard's door. He was sitting on his bed, talking animatedly to the guy I'd seen earlier - the one who I guessed was Mikey. Both turned round to stare at me when I opened the door, identical grins stretched across there faces.
"Hey Frank, this is Mikey." Gerard smiled at me.
"I kinda twigged that." I replied, studying the other boy. He was slightly taller than his older brother, with mousey brown hair that hung down around his face. He was pale - nearly as white as Gerard was when he first arrived - and was wearing glasses. If I didn't know better, I wouldn't have said he was related to Gerard in anyway what so ever. "I'm going to the shop now, so catch you later I guess."
"Yeah see ya." My boyfriend said, then resumed the conversation with his brother. I stood in the doorway for a few seconds longer, but both boys ignored me. I frowned and withdrew silently, feeling more than at little rejected. I went across the hall to grab my iPod, then ran downstairs. I shoved the earbuds in as I went, turning on the first shit that played.
"You ready?" John asked when I entered the kitchen. I nodded and we walked out to the car in silence. It was tense and uncomfortable, and I thanked God that as direct as the man could be at times, he wasn't good at expressing his thoughts, or comforting people. So although he could obviously tell that there was something wrong with me, he didn't say anything.
The tattoo parlour was fairly busy as we arrived. I smiled at that - lots of people meant lots of work, which meant that I wouldn't have too much time to be alone with my thoughts. Which was good as none of them were pleasant. Infact disturbing, depressed and generally negative described my mind's mood right at that point.
The next few hours were just spent in my room, me and Mikey just catching up on eachother lives. He hated high school even more than he did so when I left. Without his older brother there, apparently the small minded Jersey idiots picked on him even more. It was a wonder that me being there actually made any difference - I wasn't exactly the most intimidating of guys. He hadn't managed to get a girl, but filled me in on all the news regarding Ray and the girl he was dating. She joined early this year, and sounded nice enough.
"So what about Frank?" Mikey asked in a lull in the conversation.
"What about him?"
"I dunno, how did you hook up - I mean, I know basically nothing about the dude."
"Yeah, but I'm not some teen girl, and you're not an over protective dad!"
Mikey snorted at that. "True. But I'm allowed to be curious. You're my brother after all, and from what I remember, not exactly the best at chatting up guys. Or girls for that matter." There was a pause. "That's seriously weird actually - being bi. I mean how can you like guys and girls. Can't you just make your mind up?"
I laughed at him. In all honesty, I didn't really have an answer for Mikey, but then, he was my brother, I didn't need one. "Where's the fun in that though?"
This time, he laughed. "Yeah, I suppose it makes it easier. I mean it's difficult enough for you to get some as it is, you'd never get any if you were picky!" I shoved him off the bed, but couldn't help but laugh. Mikey, of course was in fits of laughter.
"No, seriously though." He said eventually, wiping a tear from his eye and climbing back on the bed. I was lying down on it, and he flopped down next to me. "How did you end up going out with him? I mean, looking at the guy, I'd say he was a bit above your league."
"Thanks," I replied, rolling my eyes, even know I knew he couldn't see them. "No, but no one knows that more than I do."
"N'awwww. So what the fuck happened?"
"Funny story actually, it was after Phin's party - one she had a while back - and we were both really hungover and ended up in her steam room."
"What?!" Mikey's shocked voice made me jump slightly. I peered over at him to see he had sat up and was staring at me wide eyed.
"Errrr, we were in her steam room."
"No, I mean why were you hung over?"
Shit, did I really say that? I bit my lower lip nervously, feeling my brother's eyes pierce the skin on the side of my head where he was staring at me. I closed my eyes. "It was a party Mikes. Everyone was drinking."
"When you emailed me though, you said that you didn't get pissed!"
"Sorry, I just didn't want a lecture I guess." I sat up so we were face to face.
"Great Gerard! Just great! How many times have you got drunk since you got here?"
"Not too many!"
"Don't lie Gee!"
"Fine! I don't know ok? It's not easy!" I sprang off of the bad and began to pace the room.
"Have you been getting high as well?" He asked accusingly. I just hung my head in shame. I was a fuck up and I knew it. All my little brother wanted was for me to get better, to stop doing things that would destroy my life. I'd stopped pacing and was waiting for the shouting that I was expecting to come from my brother. To my intense surprise, he just got up from his eat on the bed and wrapped his arms around me. I hugged him back, a small stream of tears running from my eyes. "How often?" Mikey asked softly.
"Not as bad as back in NJ. Most weekends occasionally on a school night."
"Well, that's something I guess." He pulled back to look me in the eye. "Gerard you do want to come home don't you?"
"Of course I do!" I was slightly shocked that my brother would even begin to think otherwise.
"It's just, you're not trying particularly hard to get clean, and you seem so much happier here. I mean, you've got more than two friends, you've got a boyfriend, and you just seem... happier."
I thought about for a moment. It was true - I had actually started to love my life here, definitely not something that had ever happened in Jersey. After all, I had some awesome mates here, and an amazing boyfriend. I didn't have any of that back home. But then, California didn't have my parents, or my brother. And God, did I miss them.
"I don't know Mikes." I whispered "I miss you, and I miss Mom and Dad. I miss Ray, but I don't miss anything else. I wanna come back home, but I don't want to leave here." I hugged my little brother again, needing his emotional support. "I just don't know."
So, what do you think? About Frank's feelings for Gerard, about Gee not wanting to leave, hell - about the whole thing in general. I love hearing your feed back so in other words R&R! Come on - that can be my Christmas present from you guys!
Oh and MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS!!
Have a good one!
The secret is ouuuuuutttt..... Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye!