Frank is depressed. Gerard is confused.
And after gasping at the minute size of this A/N, enjoy the chapter!
I yawned as I walked up the stairs. It was busy, so John had ended up keeping the shop open until half eight. That was the only disadvantage to working in a tattoo parlour - every single job had to be completed before you could close, and some pieces took hours. Admittedly, I was only working behind the desk and doing paperwork, but I was still exhausted. Between that, school, and stressing about Gerard's brother stealing his attention, well, it had tired me out.
When I reached the top floor, I turned right into Gerard's room, instead of my own. He and Mikey were lying next to eachother on the bed, talking quietly. As before, they both looked over at me when I walked in.
"Hiya Frankie!" My boyfriend said cheerfully as a grin split across his face. Glad to see that someone was in a good mood.
"Hey." I walked over and sat on the foot of the bed.
"How was work?"
"Meh. Same old. You'd think working in a tattoo shop would be fun, but... yeah, it isn't."
"You must hate that Gee!" Mikey chimed in, eyeing his brother. Gerard shuddered theatrically.
"Huh?" I was lost.
"My idiotic brother is afraid of needles." The younger boy smiled cheekily,
"Really? I didn't even know that." Man, I was a shitty boyfriend.
"Yeah, it's not exactly something I show off about." Gerard had blushed bright red, clearly embarressed about his ludicrous fear,
I resisted the urge to laugh, instead saying; "Yeah, I know the feeling - I'm scared senseless of spiders."
My boyfriend raised an eyebrow as he looked at me. "Wow, I had no idea." Then he started laughing.
"Cheers." I rolled my eyes.
"Sorry." He giggled. "It's just, you act so tough and everything, and then you're afraid of spiders!"
"Shut up!" I kicked him gently whilst Mikey watched, apparently amused. "Next time we're at work I waved the machines at you, huh?" He shut up at my threat, though it was empty.
At that moment, John called us all down with the news that the Chinese had arrived and dinner was served. Thank goodness, I was starving. As we walked down to the kitchen (going up and down these stairs all day must really burn calories), I felt eyes on the back of my neck. I turned to see Mikey staring at me, eyes narrowed behind his glasses.
"What?" I asked, slightly uncomfortable.
"Nothing," was his oh-so-informative reply.
"Yeah," the kid cracked a smile. "You seen cool enough."
"Errr thanks." I glanced at Gerard who was walking slightly ahead of us. He didn't seem to have noticed the exchange, but I couldn't help but feel slightly unnerved by it. Clearly the kid was trying to figure me out, and I was worried about what conclusion he'd come to. What if he tried to drive me and Gerard apart?
I shook my head as the three of us went into the kitchen. Dating that guy was really making me lose it. I really hated this feeling. Caring about someone and being terrified of them rejecting you. I'd never had this problem before because I'd never let myself care. I was starting to regret breaking that rule. Not that I'd done it on purpose - after all, my original intention was to screw Gerard over, not to fall for him. Just my luck.
We ate dinner in the kitchen, listening to the radio and just talking about general shit. Turns out that Mikey was actually a pretty cool guy. He loved all things heavy metal, hated MTV, and loved to embaress his older brother. By ten o'clock and the end of the meal, I knew several hilarious stories about Gerard that I'm sure he never wanted me to know. Including the time he stalked some guy around his home city, only to get drunk at a party the next guy and admit it to the dude, thinking it was someone completely different. Weirdly enough, I could imagine him doing that.
John finally announced that we had to sleep as me and Gerard had to get up for school tomorrow.
"What are you gonna do when we're gone?" I asked Mikey as we walked up.
"I dunno, just chill around the house I guess." He shrugged in response.
"A few of us could try and get off school, keep you company. After all, you're only here until Sunday."
The younger boy looked as though he was thinking for a moment. "Yeah, if you could, but don't get in to trouble for me or anything."
"We won't." I grinned. "Me and my mates are well practised at sneaking out."
Mikey laughed. "Fair enough."
Ok, truthfully, it wasn't half as impressive as I made it sound. We just left when the gates opened at lunch and didn't bother to come back. "Goodnight." I smiled at the brothers and turned right, into my room. I changed quickly into a pair of clean boxers and sweatpants, then went into the bathroom. Gerard was already in there.
"Hey," he said, through a mouth full of toothpaste. I laughed softly, then sat on the edge of the bath until he was done cleaning his mouth out. Then I used my own brush to scrub at my teeth until all trace of the last meal had been removed. Gerard had taken my earlier place, so I pulled him up by his hand. Our lips met in a minty, rather fresh tasting kiss. I opened my mouth and almost immediately felt his tongue against mine. I twirled them around eachother, exchanging saliva and breathing eachother's air. I released his hands place mine on his hips and pull him just a little bit closer. One of his hands found my arse, and he squeezed it slightly, making me moan. As the kiss got more and more heated, I ground my hips forward into his, making both of us emit moans of pleasure.
"Frank," he whispered into my mouth.
"Mmmm..." Was the only response I could form.
"I gotta take a shower, you should go." Gerard broke the kiss to say.
"I'll join you." I said, burying my face in his neck. I felt him shift against my body, and looked up at him. "What is it?"
"Well, my little brother's here. It's kinda awkward. Know what I mean?"
"Yeah." I nodded. Well it was true - I did understand. That doesn't mean I wasn't hurt though. "Goodnight, I guess."
"Yeah goodnight, Frank." Gerard grabbed my hand as I turned away to leave. He pulled me back and pressed another kiss against my mouth. I closed my eyes, and felt his breathe on my face as he whispered "Sleep well."
With a small nod I walked out. I knew I was being stupid, getting so upset about something I understood, but it kinda confirmed my earlier fears; even if it was unintentionally, Mikey was pushing Gerard away from me. Well, two could play at that game.
Still feeling slightly depressed (and being a dude, I didn't even have PMS as an excuse), I climbed into bed. It was cold, so I curled into a ball, pushed my headphones in, and let the music lull me to sleep. Actually, that was a lie - Iron Maiden was never going to make it easier to get to sleep, but it made me feel better. Finally, I dropped off into a restless sleep.
No leave me alone.
I don't like this. I hate this. Please go.
There were hands running all over me. Hurting me.
I want to die... Make the pain go away. They won't stop.
No - what was that? Cold. Hard. It's burning me.
"Who'd love a shit-faced whore like you?"
I woke up freezing, and drench in sweat. I was shaking madly, and tears were running down my face. I hugged my pillow, and let myself cry into it for a short while. I could still feel those barstards' hands running over me and the pain making me feel like death was the better option.
Once my sobs had calmed down, I glanced at the clock: It was half five. My phone was also on the side, and I reached for it, figuring that I could call Phin. I dialled her number, using the illuminated keypad to see the screen. She picked up after about ten rings.
"This better be good Frank. It's five in the fucking morning." Her voice sounded slightly tinny, but I could pick up the sleepiness and annoyance in it. I bit back another sob. "Who'd love a shit-faced whore like you?" No one.
"I had a nightmare." I whispered into the reciever.
"Oh shit, Frank. Are you ok?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just wanted to talk."
"Ok, I have no idea what to say now."
I chuckled. "Why do you think that I'm still dreaming about that night?"
"I dunno Frankie. I mean, I guess it was a traumatic experience, and all, to be honest, I'm not surprised that you still dream about it."
"I feel so pathetic."
"You're not Frank. You managed to deal with that all on your own, something that not many people do, and even those who spend hours with shrinks still dream about the... event."
"You make it sound like a fucking party!" I laughed.
"One of my many good qualities." Phin laughed back, then yawned.
"Sorry." I bit my lip, feeling slightly guilty about waking her up.
"It's ok man. I'm your mate - it's your job to annoy the shit outta me!"
"Thanks, for putting up with me!"
We made small talk for ten minutes or so, Phin cracking me up every few seconds, which I wouldn't have thought was possible. "Are you sure you're ok, Frankie?" She asked eventually, after another yawn,.
"Yeah, I feel better now, thanks. You can go back to sleep."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, it's fine thanks Phin."
"No problem dude." Another yawn. "Look I'll talk to you later on, yeah?"
"Night. Oh, Frank?"
"You told Gerard, didn't you? About what happened to you?"
"Go to him. He's your boyfriend, he'll understand, help you keep the dreams away."
I smiled into the phone - I didn't think of that. "I will, thanks again Phin."
"Pleasure. Now fuck off and let me swim."
"Swim?" I snorted.
"Shadd'up! I'm tired, I'm allowed to fuck up my words." She sounded angry, but I knew she was laughing along with me.
"But swim?" I laughed again.
"Yes, I'm going for an early morning dip. Now bugger off."
"Will do! Goodnight again."
"Yeah, see you later."
And with that, Phin hung up. I was still smiling slightly as I climbed out of bed and crept across the landing, then remembered why I wasn't in Gerard's room in the first place. Mikey. My boyfriend didn't want me. Not when his younger brother was around anyway. Hell, he probably didn't want me at all, just as a social tool.
"Who'd love a shit-faced whore like you?"
I turned around and went into the bathroom. After locking the door behind me, I went to the shower and just sat in the stall. I reached up to turn the water on, and was instantly immersed in hot liquid and steam. My tears were disguised as I allowed them to roll freely down my face for the first time in a while. If letting yourself fall for someone was like this, it wasn't worth it. After all, nobody would love me back.
"Who'd love a shit-faced whore like you?"
Eventually, I crawled out of the shower, dried myself off, and got dressed. As I plugged my headphones in and started playing the music at full volume, I was completely out of it as I went downstairs and made a pot of coffee and waited for the Way brothers to appear. When they did, both were laughing happily and chatting about fuck only knows what. I just leaned on the counter and waited until it was time to leave. Then I grabbed the car keys, walked out and got into the passenger seat. Gerard got in, and I chucked the keys at him. He drove to school. When we arrived, I got out and went straight to the homeroom. It's not that I was ignoring everyone, I was just sparing them the task of talking to me. I sat in the back corner, pulled my hood over my head, and let the music consume me.
I walked Frank walk away wordlessly when we arrived at school. I'd been trying to talk to him all morning but he'd just blanked me. He couldn't seriously be that upset about last night, could he? I mean, he said that he understood. And it wasn't that unreasonable. I just found it weird doing anything with my boyfriend whilst my little brother was in the room next door.
I frowned as I walked through the school corridor. People around me were bustling happily, talkiing about shit that I couldn't care less about. Then something dawned on me. I had woken up this morning, really early, and fallen asleep fairly quickly afterwards. But in that short time that I was concious, I swear I heard screaming. What if Frank had had another nightmare about being raped? That would explain why he was acting so weird this morning. As though she'd read my thoughts, Phin chose that moment to walk over to me.
"Morning." I greeted her.
"Hey," she said in reply. "Where'd Frank go? Is he ok?"
"I don't know." I glanced up at Andy. I didn't think my boyfriend would appreciate us going on about all this in front of him. He raised an eyebrow at me.
"Fine, I'll go. I can tell where I'm not wanted." The pale boy put his hands up,as though in defence, and began to back away.
"Hey, wait." Phin spun on heel and grabbed Andy's shoulders, before pulling him down for a long kiss. I stood there awkwardly, watching the two of them play tonsil hockey for a good minute, before the finally came up for air. Phin leaned forward and whispered something in her boyfriend's ear. He flushed red, before straightening up and walking off. I didn't even want to know.
"So you were saying?" The dark haired girl asked, wiping her mouth.
"You're unbelievable!" I informed her.
"Thanks." She smirked in response.
"Anyway," I rolled my eyes, "I have no idea what's up with Frank. Well, I think I have some idea, but I don't know."
"He had a nightmare last night. 'Bout, well he said he told you."
"You, mean, being raped?" I lowered my voice as I said that, glancing round to check that nobody cared.
"Yeah." Phin ran one of her hands through her wild hair, suddenly looking a lot older.
"So... Hang on, how do you know he had a dream about that last night? You haven't seen him."
"Err.. It's called a phone call."
"Oh," I blushed, feeling stupid.
"More to the point, how do you not know? I mean Frank has a pair of lungs on him, and he always screams when he dreams. Not to mention the fact that I told him to go and talk to you when he called me this morning."
I frowned. "He didn't. I didn't see him until I got up, and then, when I said something to me he just ignored me. To be fair, he was plugged in at the time, but you know - he wasn't really there."
"Yeah, I know what you mean." Phin leaned on the lockers and let out her breathe in a huff. "Why didn't he see you when I told him to though?"
I shifted uncomfortably and her green eyes snapped up to pierce me. "I kinda... Oh fuck, he was like.. coming on to me last night and I said... that I didn't want to... do anything." To my surprise, the girl just snorted violently in a fit of laughter. "What's so funny?"
"Nothing, really, nothing." Phin smirked. "Just the way you said that. So basically, you turnd him down?"
"Well, yeah, I mean my brother was in the next room and it was just awkward..."
"Fair enough. If you're not in the mood, you're not in the mood. I can kinda see why Frank didn't talk to you though. He doesn't deal with rejection too well, and despite the whole 'tough slut of a guy' act, he is really insecure." She sighed deeply. "Oh God, what are we going to do with him?"
"No idea." I mimicked her by leaning against the lockers
"You know what? Talk to him. Just say, I dunno, whatever cheesey crap will convince him that you love him."
"Do I?" I asked, slightly surprised.
"Of course." She smirked. "Otherwise you'd be out of here like a bat outta hell."
The bell chose that second to ring, and Phin flounced off, a smirk still painted on her face. Me? I was just confused.
Sooooo... Did everyone have a good Chrimbo?? Personally, mine was great, aside from some small family drama. My mum found my Grindstore account and bought half the stuff on my wishlist! It is epic! She also got me the Hugo Boss: Just Different aftershave. Simply because Jared Leto is on the advertisement. Yeah, she is as obsessed as me. Anyway, if you don't know what Grindstore is, you should check it out. It is pretty awesome.
What did everyone else get for Christmas? Call me weird, but I am genuinely interested. Wow, I now sound like a complete loner!
And guess what - it's Friday the 13th next month! Which means... HORROR MOVIE NIGHT! And I am obsessed with the damn things.
And a guy with epic hair just came on screen (watching Mad Max 2). Because you really wanted to know that! Speaking of which, epic quote: 'I trained this snake, I'm gonna eat it!' Just immense God, I am weird!
So after reading my life's story - review and rate!
I don't even know why I say that anymore. You know what I want!