Frank is not who they think he is. What does Gerard believe?
My other fic, Build God, Then We'll Talk, will probably be updated tomorrow.
I spent the next three days in bed, alternating between sleeping, texting and being force fed soup by my brother. My mum, after seeing that was going to be okay, had had to leave for work, but my brother was still around for the rest of the weekend. I still felt pretty weak, I mean I had hypothermia for fucks sake, but I had felt worse.
Plus, now I had Frank.
Frank was the best. I wasn’t entirely sure what we were to each other, but I was certain that it was more than just good friends. He called me every night before I went to sleep, just to chat about inconsequential things. He texted me really stupid texts- lyrics he had thought up, anything of little consequence.
By the time I felt able enough to go back to school I was practically vibrating with energy. And nervousness.
I wasn’t entirely sure how I was supposed to act around Frank now. I mean we had kissed, and we had stayed in contact throughout the weekend, and most of Monday too. I didn’t know if I was supposed to think of him as my boyfriend. Was he my boyfriend? We hadn't discussed it. Thankfully, a text from him on Monday evening sorted me out a little. But not much.
Hey Gee! You want to eat lunch with me tomorrow? I got some badass chocolate spread that needs eating. Xoxo
If I was entirely honest with myself, I thought Frank had forgotten about my love for chocolate spread, even if the calories in it were more than I had in a week or something. But I knew now, that Frank wanted to be seen with me in public. Sure, the text didn’t solve everything, but it helped.
Sure! I replied. I’ll need to tell Mikey, but I'm sure he won't mind. He kind of expects it, I think;) xoxo
Frank hadn't really minded about me telling Mikey everything. I had told him about how Mikey had found out about us during one of our phone calls, and Frank had just replied with “you tell him everything, don’t you?” I had frozen, thinking that this was a bad thing, but Frank just laughed. “Chill. I can tell you're tense over the phone, jesus. I think its good that you two are like that. It’s nice.”
Mikey was glad to see me doing better, actually eating some of the things he gave me. I didn’t eat too much, I didn’t want to slip into my old ways, but I was happier and Mikey could see that. He trusted me enough to leave me alone on Monday while he went to school and I did nothing but draw all day, and drink coffee. I could see that my drawings weren’t as dark as they had been before. Sure, I still included the vampires, the dark spaces and the demons, but the fear and solitude that had been etched into all of my old drawings were gone. Well, not completely gone, but less obvious. I preferred them now. They were no longer a reminder of how poor and horrific my life was, they were more a sign of promising things to come.
Since I had spare time, I drew Frank the picture he had asked to draw for him. It was set in a graveyard, and I had carefully drawn everything in blacks, whites and greys save for one figure clad completely in scarlet red. The person was faced away from my point of view, but his head was turned slightly, so a tiny slither of pale cheek could be seen. I wanted it to be perfect.
On Tuesday morning I woke up feeling better than I had in a long time, and I was pretty sure that I would be fine at school. I bounded in the shower while Mikey was eating his cereal, and then spent far longer than usual styling my hair in front of the mirror. I didn’t usually pay attention to my appearance; I looked shit, and didn’t need reminding. But today I wanted to at least try and look good. For Frank. I had such a soppy crush on him and it was almost embarrassing.
By the time I had finished mucking about and went upstairs, Mikey was dressed and waiting for me.
“Nice hair.” He said, causing a flush to spread over my cheeks.
“Shut up.” I muttered back, shouldering my bag and pushing past my brother and out of the front door.
I was putting book from my bag into my locker when a voice right by my ear said “hey!” causing me to squeal like a girl and drop the paperback I was holding.
“Shit Frank!” I gasped, holding a hand to my chest and wheezing uncontrollably. “Fucking hell, couldn’t you warn a guy before you do stuff like that?” Frank’s answering grin was mischievous.
“Where’s the fun in that? Seriously, you should have seen your face! I wish I had a camera just then. Oh god, I didn’t even realise guys could make noises as high pitched as that! Oh god.” Frank said again, as he wrapped his arms round his middle and started laughing uncontrollably. I just stood there, my book abandoned on the floor, staring at him in disbelief.
“That’s a nice way to treat someone who has had hypothermia for the past four days.” I snapped, stooping to pick up my book and shoving it angrily in my bag.
Frank immediately stopped laughing and looked at me soberly. “Hey man, I'm sorry. I didn’t realise you would take it seriously.”
I shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other, avoiding looking at Frank in the face. “I just don’t like surprises, okay? Last time that happened it ended badly.” I said softly.
Frank grimaced, and looked so regretful I suddenly felt really, really bad. I was supposed to be his friend, boyfriend, whatever. I wasn’t supposed to act like a dick.
Slowly, I held my hand out and hesitantly touched his shoulder. “I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to act like that. I'm just messed up, y’know?”
Frank leaned into my touch, a small smile of relief curving on his lips. “It’s okay. I don’t mind you being messed up, because it means I get to fix you. May I have the honour of walking you to your first class?” he said, slightly mockingly, and I blinked at him in astonishment. He sure got over things quick.
“Of course.” I managed, before making sure I had everything and shut my locker. “I have history first.”
We started to walk down the hall, and I made sure not to touch him. I wanted to, because touching Frank was completely different to anyone else, but I didn’t know if I was allowed to touch him.
About halfway to my classroom Frank huffed out a breath in annoyance. “Gerard, why are you trying your hardest not to have any contact with me? It’s weird, and I don’t like it.”
I stuttered incoherently for a second, before spluttering out “I don’t know if I'm allowed to touch you. I don’t know what to do. I've…” I swallowed. “I've never done anything like this before. I mean, you're the first guy I've touched who isn’t Mikey in three years. I don’t know how to act! Am I supposed to hold your hand? Pretend we’re just friends? I don’t want you to get hate because of me.”
Frank stopped dead in the corridor and I swivelled round to face him, gnawing on my lip nervously. “Dude. I'm Frank Iero. I don’t get shit from anyone. Now shut the fuck up and hold my hand, I'm ready to flaunt my new relationship status like a bitch.”
I stood there like a complete moron for a couple of seconds before Frank sighed and grabbed my hand, interlocking my fingers with his own.
“So we… We’re going out?” I asked hesitantly.
Frank looked surprised. “Sure. I wouldn’t kiss you if I didn’t like you. I'm not a complete man-whore, you know. We’re going out. You are my boyfriend. I am an ace boyfriend, I’ll have you know. Now get into your class. I’ll meet you at break by the big tree in the orchard?”
I vaguely remembered that tree being the one that Mikey had been tied to on his birthday last month, so I nodded and went into my classroom. Or I would have, if Frank hadn't kept his hold on my hand.
“Come back here.” He said, giving me no chance to reply before he pulled us together. “Can't let you go without a goodbye kiss, now could I?”
I grinned playfully, before darting in and kissing him on the cheek. He groaned slightly, before laughing and pulling away. “Have fun!” He called over his shoulder as he walked off to his own lesson.
As I walked through the door I was met with a full class of people whispering and glancing at me. I blushed heavily and made my way to my seat. Sitting down in the empty space at the back. I may have been going out with Frank, but my social retardedness, and lack of coherent speech was still a major part of my life.
“Dude. You're going out with Frank?” Said an unfamiliar voice next to me. I looked up at the face which I knew sort of from lessons, but I hadn't bother to learn his name and nodded slightly, looking back to where I was getting out my pencil case and book.
“You're a fucking gay! I knew it!” I flinched at the loud exclamation, and said nothing, just hunched further into my chair.
“I don’t know what he sees in you.” Came another voice, this time a high pitched voice of a girl. “He’s just going to use you and leave you. Seen it all before. Woos them, shags them, and then dumps them. Better get out while you can, if you want my advice.”
The voices of various people agreeing with this girl’s statement echoed around the room. I didn’t want to hear it. I just squirmed further into my chair and wished with all my heart that I could turn invisible, because that would have been really handy right now.
Was this true? Would Frank really do that to me? From what I had seen of Frank in the two months of school it was entirely possible. but he treated me differently to everyone else, he had gone with me in the ambulance to hospital, for fucks sake.
I didn’t know what to do; I didn’t know what to do in these situations. I was shit under pressure, and my classmates had just put a whole stack of it on my head.
I kept completely silent throughout the entire lesson, trying desperately to ignore the spiteful glares directed at me, and the whispers about me. By the end of the lesson I was a quivering wreck and I hate myself for it. as the bell went, I shoved my stuff in my bag and made my way out of the classroom as fast as I could without it looking like I was running.
I made it to the tree Frank had said to go to before anyone else, so I fumbled in my bag for my cigarettes and my lighter. I lit one, my hands shaking uncontrollably, and took in a deep drag. Why did I let stupid things like this get to me? I was so fucking stupid. And worthless.
I took in another deep drag, and another. At the back of my mind I thought to myself that I should probably try to ration my fags a bit more, because they were a bitch to get, but instead I just finished one, shook out another and started that one up.
Frank made his way to the tree when I was about a quarter of the way through my second cigarette. He grinned at me being there and went to peck me on the cheek. Without even thinking, I leant away, before realising what I had done. Frank stared at me for a second, before he asked quietly “What happened?”
It was kind of weird how well Frank knew me already, but at that moment I didn’t care. “People in class. They said… They said you’re just using me! Using me for sex, and then you were gonna fuck off and leave me.” I sounded desperate, so fucking desperate, and I hated it.
Frank recoiled. “What the fuck do they know? Jesus, they need to grow a pair. Gerard.”
I couldn’t look at him. I was so ashamed.
“Gerard, look at me. I promise I won't fuck you about like that. Sure, I have done it before, and I'm not proud of it, but with you it’s different. For one, you're a guy.” Frank broke off to laugh mirthlessly. “But secondly, you are worth so much more than a fuck. You are amazing, and I don’t want to shit on you. Trust me.”
I had never been good at reading people, but Frank seemed pretty damn sincere. Shakily I held out my cigarette. “Want some?” I asked.
Frank smiled. “Not as much as I want you.” He said, but took the cigarette from me anyway. He took two long puffs, blowing out the smoke in a way that was both completely sexy and fascinating, and then stubbed it out with his foot. Then he tugged me close to him and looped his arms up around my neck and pulled me into a kiss.
It was my second kiss, and it was just as good as the first. I melted into it, my arms wrapping round his waist, and kissed back with all that I had.
“Guys! Fucking hell, keep the PDA to a minimum please.” Came Ray’s plaintive voice from behind Frank. I jerked back, but Frank just held on tighter, releasing his lips from mine and burying his nose in my neck.
“I’m not the guy they think I am.” He whispered into my neck, loud enough so that only I could hear it.
I just held on tighter in response.
Sorry again. R&R?