My eyes are blurry as I wake up, it's cold and I notice I'm alone. I stand up slowly, quietly.
"Steph?" I call, no answer.
"Jinx? JINX!" I say, running into his room, "Wake up!"
"What?!" he grumbles angrily,
"Okay" he says rolling over into his pillow.
"No! I woke up and she was gone! I need your keys"
"In my bag" he says rubbing his eyes.
"Thanks" I run across the room and snatch up his bag, I pull out the keys and run downstairs.
I slide in Jinx's car and spend a difficult ten minutes of attempting to start it, it roars to life.
I'm driving but I have no fucking idea where to go.
Where would she go?
All I know is she definitely would NOT go home.
I sigh and keep driving around but then out of the rear view mirror I see a black haired girl stumbling across the sidewalk with a dread headed guy.
I pull over and unlock the passenger doors, they slide in-
"What happened?" I ask as Criss shuts the door behind him,
"I found her like this, I don't know what to do, help me Blake!" he says with sad eyes,
"Steph-" I begin but my voice is just a whisper, to see her face like that pained me and I had no idea what to do. I was lost.
I parked the car on the side of the road and just sat there staring ahead, why would she do this?
I began to shake and I forced myself to look down upon my scars. Why would I do this?
I take a deep breath and open the glove compartment, I take out a few pill bottles- Lexapro, Lamotrigine, Xanax and Prozac- Perfect.
I get out of the car and go around to the back and climb in, Criss gets out so I can sit with Steph.
I shake out a few of each pill and force her to take them, "Baby it's okay" I whisper to her.
Criss watches strangely as she chews the pills slowly, as she clings to me tightly, as she kisses me. He has no idea what's been going on the past few weeks, he's oblivious.
"Why would you leave me Steph? Don't do this, I want to keep you safe. If you're with me they'll either have to take us both to the clinic together or not at all, I'll keep you safe baby" I tell her softly as Criss takes the driver seat and sets off to the only place we can be safe, Franks house.
The big wooden doors peak open to reveal a tired looking Jamia with baby Cherry in one arm and Lilly in the other, two little dogs jumping up at her heels.
"What's wrong?" she asks placing four coffee cups on the kitchen
We all look at each other awkwardly and to our surprise it's Steph who speaks up,
"What do you mean honey?" Jamia asks
"I d-don't k-know what I'm d-do-doing h-here" she whispers
Jamia frowns, "Criss and Blake brought you here"
"No, I k-know that"
"Then what did you mean?"
"I m-meant, I do-don't know why
I-I'm s-s-supposed to k-k-ke-keep living"
"Don't say that" I say wrapping my arms around her, "Please don't"
"I-I feel so j-j-jaded, I've b-been h-here before and I-it's the s-same a-as last ti-time"
"Steph, don't cry" Frank says sympathetically from the kitchen doorway, he comes over and gives her a big hug but not even Frank Iero can make her smile today, she sighs sadly and keeps her eyes on her feet.
Jamia makes another coffee then takes the twins back upstairs before returning to find us all sitting on the sofas, she sits between Frank and Criss and between Frank and me is Steph.
The rain is falling hard outside and Steph squeezes my hand tightly, "Why do you feel this way" I say, its the question we're all thinking and I'm just the one who had to ask. She shrugs lightly
"I d-don't want to t-talk abo-about i-it" she murmurs
"You've got to talk about it sometime" Frank says
"B-but un-until t-then, I-I can st-still r-run from I-it"