Gerard and I stood in tense silence in the corridor outside Mikey's room. On the other side of the door, we heard nothing. Gerard's face had lost any sight of colour and he just walked into his room looking as if he had given up. Maybe he had...
I want to find out what happened downstairs. What Gerard needs to tell Mikey. I understand how frustrated Gerard can become. Mikey needs the help he's being offered but won't co-operate because he just doesn't give a shit anymore. What the Hell is Gerard supposed to do? Of course, I can't blame Mikey either. With what he has put up with, school, parents, jocks and his cursed bi-polar disorder. It just adds to the things they go through that aren't their fault. Mikey seems sensitive and lacks self-esteem anyway but refuses to admit it. I'm surprised Gerard hasn't given up already like his parents, like so many other people would. But not me. I'm here to help the kid. To help both of them. An I'm going to keep reminding them of that.
I follow Gerard's dragged-out walk to his room. He sits on his bed with a look of despair on his face and emptiness thought out his body.
"Frank, I..." He looks as if he's about to burst. I can see all his emotions bubbling in his eyes, anger, worry, sadness, regret, all ready to pour over in form of tears. "I just can't take it. I-I can't help him anymore." He finishes and bows his head in his lap. I'm not sure how to handle this. Gerard wasn't someone I knew very well personality-wise. He was genuinely a nice guy and protective but just like Mikey he seemed sensitive too. I didn't want to say something that I would regret. I stay quiet for a minute or two.
"What happened downstairs?" I ask cautiously, for fear of upsetting him even more.
He takes a deep breath and sighs heavily. "My mom was downstairs and she told me that my dad left last night again and never returned back. And then she said she received a call from A&E.
He was found under the bridge by the pub he always goes to..." He didn't need to say anymore. That drop from the bridge was really high and well, he must have died. But the way Gerard announced it like he was a radio presenter naming people who had died recently with no concern or care in his voice. Like he really doesn't give a shit just like he said before.
But it's telling Mikey that's gonna make it harder. You just don't know how he could react.
"Oh Gerard. I'm really sorry." I say even though he couldn't care less.
"S'fine. Don't care anyway. It Mikey I'm worried about." He says obviously not wanting any sympathy.
"How about we talk to Mikey a little about it? I'm always here to help Gerard. Please just tell me you know that." I plead.
"Yeah I know Frank. It's just, I don't need help. It's Mikey that needs it. And well he's just so broken right now he doesn't even notice it." He says almost reassuring me but I know Gerard could do with a helping hand right now.
"Thanks Frank. You've been really nice to us. Anyone else would just give up on us." Gerard thanks me.
"No problem Gerard. It's nice to meet someone as caring and well... just to be able to talk to someone who's not a fake or anything is a real pleasure." I say thinking on how I happened to find someone as great as Gerard. To be able to be real with him. Knowing he's not going to judge. It just makes things so much easier.
A few minutes silence pass and we hear nothing from Mikey's room. Only the sobs of the woman downstairs who well as far as I can see it didn't really love her dead husband until now.
"Frank, please be honest with me now, but do you think I've let Mikey down?" Gerard breaks the quietness and surprises me with such a question.
"No! Gerard no. You've been everything he needs and more. There is only so much an 18 year can do for a kid so messed up. I mean it Gerard. You are a really good brother." I say in complete honesty.
"But Mikey still isn't happy. And its not like you know what has happened between us." Shit! What is he going to say?!
"What? What has happened between ye?" I ask.
"Well, I mean sometimes he would get upset when I shouted in anger or when I beat up his bullies. He would be telling me to stop but I just loose complete control of myself and I don't mean to hurt him but he would get scared and he looses his trust in me. And I feel like Ive let him down. I'd never lay a finger on him but it's not that hes affected most by his resulting cuts and bruises, it's the things people say I mean what if I've hurt him on the inside too" Gerard begins to cry and I even tear up with him after hearing how much he cares for him and how afraid he is of hurting him.
"Gerard, I think Mikey knows you do it to protect him. Maybe he was a little scared to upset up you too..." I say not knowing how to finish my sentence.
"So now he has just lost all trust in me because I've shouted infront of him? Cause I try to protect him from the bullies? Have I led him into some guilt trip or something and he just doesn't care anymore?" He asks.
"Gerard no! That's crazy. You did what any brother would do. Or at least any brother that would still want to help. I know you love him Gerard and he does too but he doesn't love himself so he doesn't see the point." I explain or atleast try to.
Gerard thinks about it for a while before saying "So I still have a chance of getting him back?"
I nod with a reassuring smile. Which hopefully will encourage him to not give up. He's all Mikey has now.
We let a couple of hours pass watching T.V. and listening to music. I look at my phone and realise its already half 3.
"Gerard. It's half 3. Am I staying here for bit or what?" I ask, hoping my parents weren't worrying.
"Oh uh... Yeah If you want. I'd like the help when I tell Mikey." He says. I smile.
"What?" he asks unsure of what I'm thinking.
"You just admitted you wanted help." I say and chuckle at the end.
"Shut up" He says in a whiney but joking tone. "I think we should tell him now" Gerard suggests as I text my mom.
"Okay so. Let's go!" I smile reassuringly at him.
We exit his room and stand at Mikey's door. Gerard knocks on the door and calls his name.
Receiving no answer, Gerard opened the door, both of us not hoping for worse results than last time.
We looked around and saw no sign of Mikey.
"Shit! He's on the roof" Gerard says.
"How do you know?" Gerard points to the open window.
"He often sits out there."
We climb out of the window and on to the roof of the utility room under Mikey's room.
We find a freezing Mikey with just a skin tight t-shirt on and jeans, biting his white knuckles. A cold breeze blows and Gerard takes off his hoodie to give to Mikey.
"Hey Mikey. Have this. It's so cold out here." Gerard hands him the hoodie. He takes it but he doesn't put it on. Gerard sighs.
"Mikey, um... I need to tell you something okay?" Mikey nodded staring straight a head. "I don't know how you're gonna take it okay? So eh... Well dad left again last night but he never came home." Gerard stopped as Mikey turned his. It was as if he knew what Gerard was about to say. "He fell from a bridge and then..." Mikey stood up which slowly cut off Gerard.
"Oh..." was all that Mikey said.
"And are you upset?" Mikey asked taking us by surprise by his question. He didn't say it sarcastically or in a hurtful way. It was kind of strange.
"I-I... Uh... Im not really..." Gerard said carefully not exactly wanting to answer.
"Me neither." Mikey said almost confidentley. Mikey retreated to his bedroom and climbed in. We followed him in. He was in calm mood but that surely won't last long. It could go either way. Gerard and I stood in his room awkwardly. We didn't know what to say or do.
Finally breaking the silence Mikey said "You can sit down if you want" while looking in an almost cautious way.
"What do you want to talk about?" Gerard asked.
"Gerard it was you who came in here." Mikey said lying on his bed burrowing his face in his pillow.
"I just wanted you to know that and to see if you were okay." Gerard replied.
"Well Gerard I'm fine and I really couldn't care less the more I think about it." Mikey said.
Mikey sounds funny. Hes not talking normally. It's like he's had a bottle or two.
"Mikey, have you been drinking again?" Gears asks as if on cue.
"Yeah. Do you want one?" Mikey replies as if it's a normal thing.
"No thanks Mikes but I don't think you should have one either."
"Gerard, I'm fine now. I'm going to sleep now." He burries his head in the pillow again and I look at Gerard with a questioning face. "It's only 3:40" I whisper to him
He just shrugs and walks out. I follow him. If that's what he thinks when he is almost drunk then he could be completely different about his father when he's sober.
Hello. This was much longer then expected. I really hope it's not too bad. I don't know what has happened to my writing motivation. Maybe I should update earlier cause it is 2:56 in the morning right now. I don't know what to think of it so please rate and review and I will love you!!!