She’s funny looking with short black hair and a mouth that almost looks too big for her face, her features draw that fine line between attractive and repulsive, but somehow with her winged eyelin...
Gerard walks to work the next morning, the weather isn’t as hot as it had been at the weekend but it’s not as bitter as yesterday evening so it’s a nice walk. Gerard owns a Walkman and more than several CDs, but he’s not using any of them now, he’s enjoying the sound of the world around him, and doesn’t feel the need to escape today. He’s not sure quite what put him in such a good mood but he’s not complaining, the high is a nice break from the normal whispers that invade his brooding skull on most days. Today Gerard feels as though he could conker Everest or sail The Atlantic, hell Gerard thinks that, today, he could even face a kid trying to buy Spiderman or Sailor Moon without a pained grimace.
He rolls lazily into work actually on time for once and isn’t surprised to find that Bob is absent. He greets Ryan as he passes his checkout and smiles at a few of the customers browsing the ‘New Authors’ section pointing out particularly good reads. He even grins as he serves one wanting to check out The Untouchables.
“Ah man I love this book” Gerard says barely looking up from the cover as he scans it across the counter “So good”
“Yeah?” The girl asks smiling a little as Gerard looks up. She’s funny looking with short black hair and a mouth that almost looks too big for her face, her features draw that fine line between attractive and repulsive, but somehow with her winged eyeliner and scrubbed red lipstick she pulls her look off. “It’s got good reviews”
“It’s fucking gripping and sad and it like twists and turns around in your mind” Gerard grins “I couldn’t put it down”
“Do you swear at all of your customers?” The girl laughs and Gerard cringes
“Shit no, I mean no, fuck”
The girl just smiles and collects the offered change and recite “I’m kidding calm down”
Gerard allows himself to relax a little and scrunches the side of his face up into a squashed grin “I like your t-shirt”
The chick blinks at him a few times before looking down like she had forgotten she was even wearing the baggy, grey, Anthrax top “You’re gay you have to be gay” she says and Gerard just looks at her for a moment
He had thought he had been following the conversation pretty well so far but this has thrown him off balance. “What?” he eventually manages because what the fuck?
“You’re cute, my age, read good books and listen to good bands. Gay or married, that or you still live with your mom”
“Oh” Gerard laughs catching on “Yeah actually, I am”
“Gay, married or does your mom still do your laundry?”
“Gay” Gerard confirms, tucking a stray piece of hair behind his ear “Very gay”
The girl nods a couple of times and Gerard laughs nervously unsure of where to take to conversation next but the girl picks up where Gerard can not and sticks her hand out towards him “I’m Alice” She grins.
“Gerard” says Gerard, shaking Alice’s hand “Nice to meet you Alice”
He’s about to say more when he spots the queue forming behind his new friend and he frowns slightly as she looks round, her features drooping too as she faces him once again “And you, Gerard, I’ll see you around” and with that she nods her goodbye and saunters off towards the exit.
Gerard is unfairly pissy with the next customers because- OMG that was probably one of the only actual intelligent conversations he has had in this place in forever (and that is really saying something about Newark, Gerard thinks, because this is a goddamn bookstore if there aren’t educated people here then where the fuck are they?) and now some OAP is all “I’m going to interrupt you to buy a book on cake decorations even though I’m too blind to tell red from blue” and Gerard is back to brooding.
But he just about manages service with a smile when some kid hands him The latest Batman to check out, and he realises that if he’s gonna let good things that happen to him, put him in a pissy he seriously is taking this pained artist facade way too far.
Bob swaggers in at around twelve because his shift totally didn’t start four hours ago or anything. Not that Gerard’s going to complain when he’s carrying a crate or four Caramel Macchiatos and heading in his direction, because Gerard loves Bob he really really does.
“Hey, sorry I’m late” Bob grins “But I figured bribing you with coffee would stop you from reporting me to the big guys at the top”
And Bob is right of course because-fuck yeah Starbucks! But he wants to make fun of Bob a little so he says “I dunno man, I know this guy that works there, says he can get me the good stuff” Gerard gestures for Bob to move in closer “Discount”
Bob just sniggers “Whatever. Do you want your coffee?”
And of course Gerard wants his coffee so he smiles and takes one of the tall steaming paper cups. “Thanks dude”
“No problem, man”
Bob then decides that it is time for one of his famous lectures and begins his ramblings sensitively with a round of “You should really just forget Bert, move one y’know?”
And Gerard knows, he really does you guys! It’s just that it’s hard. Hard for him to move on with his life when he knows he came this close, this close to ecstasy, this close to true love, and this close to the end of everything. Bert fucked him up it’s not something he can just forget about, it’s apart of him.
“Bob” Gerard elongates the O’s turning them to A’s and runs a hand through his slick black hair a pained look on his face.
Bob holds up his hands in defence and looks at Gerard with big blue eyes, still exhausted from the previous night “Look I just think you had your shit with him, and it was shit I get that it was” Bob looks sympathetic a grimace forcing itself onto his stubble smeared face “But you can’t let that stop you from living your life”
Bob goes on to give Gerard a prep talk about, going after your dreams! That sort of makes Gerard feel a little like he’s in a real life version of High School Musical or some shit, and even though Bob’s words are sincere Gerard simply can’t take moral advice from a man that only moved out of his Mom’s attic two months ago. So he nods and tries to soak up his friend’s words but in the end it just leaves him feeling even shittier than before because honestly he had been doing well to forget Bert recently, the image of the raggedy man no longer ruled his life. But now, with Bob bringing up old wounds, everything comes flooding back and suddenly the joy he had felt this morning is lost to a deep suffering pain in his chest.
Gerard actually gets home at a reasonable time today despite the fact that he walked, it’s even light enough for him to sit on the balcony for a bit enjoying the final rays with two extra long red Marlboros and his sketchbook. He thinks about how different the last couple of days have been and he worries he’s loosing his edge, as the lonesome fag artist. But then again maybe this new character of his, the outgoing cheerful Gerard, isn’t such a bad change.
But then he remembers the conversation from earlier and Gerard just doesn’t want to move on, he doesn’t want to forget, because moving on will mean moving away, away from that feeling he came so close to holding in his hands. Bert was bad news, he knows that, he really really does but it’s not like he can just forget, about the man that was such a massive part of his life, that easily.
Sometimes Gerard doesn’t want to forget about Bert, about the things they did, the things they felt. Sometimes Gerard feels like running back to Bert, back to the arms of the man that destroyed his soul. But it’s not Bert that Gerard misses, not really, the guy was mean and spiteful, washed less times in a month than even Gerard thought sanitary, he was fickle and arrogant, always drunk or high or both. He was everything you don’t and shouldn’t want in a boyfriend, so no, Gerard doesn’t miss Bert what he misses is the way Bert made him feel
Like he wasn’t alone, or getting older while his dreams drifted away, Bert helped Gerard forget about all the lost chances and the hopes he once held to closely to his heart. Bert made him feel something that wasn’t a lonely sadness, like he wasn’t the only one on the planet that thought the way he did.
It’s been five years since Gerard saw Bert, and for all he knows he could be dead by now. God with the amount he drank and smoked and popped Gerard wouldn’t be surprised if he were dead. Gerard doesn’t really care about what happened to Bert, as far as he is concerned Bert could be shovelling chips at Mc Donald’s or rotting below the earth’s shell. It’s what he deserves really, Gerard would just like someone like Bert, a person in his life that could fill the void of angst and loneliness, even if that does sound completely cliché and kind of like an Adele song.
As if on queue Gerard‘s phone buzzes with a text from MikeyWay saving the day once again ‘Hey bro wats up?’
Gerard stares at his phone for a little while, not quite taking in the text on the screen, but as his daze passes a light smile falls to his lips. He types back quickly ‘Hey Mikey, nothing much. How are you? :-)’
It takes Mikey less than a minute to reply ‘m gd, u busy?’
Gerard thinks about this question for a little while because, no, no he’s not busy, not at all, but if he says that then he will have no excuses if Mikey asks him to go to some party or gig or something. Though if he says yes, he is busy Mikey will ask what he’s doing and well MikeyWay can even see through a lie from Gerard via text so there’s no point in trying. After nearly five minutes of considering Gerard just goes ahead and replies with the truth ‘No, I’m not busy’
‘Meet me @ HOW in 20?’
Gerard sighs and nods to himself a couple of times before replying ‘Yes, see you then.’
So I know this chapter was shorter but it was too long really to be one chapter and I figured since I gave you a double update you could let me off this once? Next chapter next Tuesday and it shall be called- you guessed it Four For A Boy so I’ll see you then IF you give me three reviews :D concrit is always encouraged and welcome but equally feel free to just let me know that you are out there!
Also this is Frank and he is adorable and what perfect Frank is in my mind so feel the wrath of his beauty now please http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lpxchdlWD31qbfdcbo2_250.gif