Frank has to deliver some life altering news to Gerard....
"It's ok." He croaks quietly.
"It's not okay Gerard! You're not Okay! I'm not okay! Nothing is Okay!"I rage, standing from my seat and throwing ym arms in air as the words spill out. He begins to tremble and his eyes well up. I compose myself and instantly feel like pure dirt, i'm still yelling at him. I'm still making him sad. I'm still messing with him even after what i've just done to him. I return to my seat and stare at him softly, until theres a shrill knock on the door. Interrupting any comfort between us.
"Hello Mr. Way, we need to run a few tests right now." The doctor pressured on, shoving me out of the way. "I'm sorry, but for now it's family only." The doctor gave me a stern glare as Donna and Mikey walked through the door. "Okay." I said, trying to avoid stressing Gerard out again and left him with a soft kiss, in a dark room, his fate ready to be delivered.
"Can you feel this?" The Doctor asked my son again as she tightly squeezed his toes in between her thumb and forefinger. I hold my breath. Hoping it will be different from before. Gerard simply shakes his head. All of my hope sinking into the ground. "Mrs Way, can i talk to you in my office please?" The doctor says frowning at Gerards response. She smiles reassuringly at Gerard and i follow her into the hallways.
"Mrs Way, It seems that Gerard's body has sustained alot of damage internally. The tests we've just conducted leave us with one last option to help him, it's very complex but it could improve his quality of life considerably." She says softly.
"What is the last option? Anything we can do to help him is good." I say frantically. What does she mean? What's actually wrong with him?
"Surgery. We have to fit metal bars to support his spine, they will be aligned as though it is bone." She explains cautiously.
"If we don't take this option?"
"Mrs Way." She says taking my shaking hand. "Your Son is paralysed from the neck down, without this he will definitely never walk again."
My child. Paralysed. In a wheelchair for the rest of his life. He'll never be able to touch his boyfriend again. Comfort his little brother. Hug me or his father. What if this operation doesn't even work? And he goes through all this for nothing? His life quality is fading, along with everyone else known to him and God too. That family in there, with their new baby, smiling and laughing. How can they be doing that? When my world has just shattered in my hands.
"I'm proud of you. You're here for him and that's the best you can do right now." Dayle says patting my shoulder. He hasn't left me by myself since Gerard came in here. He is here every day without fail. It's nice really, knowing i have someone to believe in me and tell me they're proud. Something my Dad never did, anyways. "Frank?" Donna appears at the door, her face swollen and blotchy with red raw skin and still flowing tears leaving trails of week old mascara.
"Donna, what's wrong?" I feel my heart beat wildly in my chest, he's gone and she's about to tell me isn't she? He's left us forever and nothing will get better.
"Can i talk to you outside for a minute?" She continues, her breathing shaky. I simply stand and follow her, bracing myself for the worst. " He needs surgery and now." She announces. I breath a sickening sigh of relief, he needs surgery but he's alive still. He's still around and so am i. " He's paralysed Frank." She begins to sob. " And they're going to put metal rods in his spine, they say it might work and make him better." She falls to the floor, her sobs growing louder by the millisecond. I crouch beside her and she puts her arms around my waist, both of us intent on crying ourselves blind.
The Next Day
"Hey Gee." I say as i stand beside him.
"Hey Frankie, so surgery tomorrow." He drops in casually. One of the things i love the most. It could be mass news and he'll drop it in as though he's just popping outside for a cigarette.
"Yeah, you nervous?" I ask him.
"Yeah, but i'll be tap dancing in no time." He laughs. " And i know i'll be okay if you're here when i wake up." He smiles up at me taking my hand and playing with my fingers.
"And right here is where i will be." I say kissing him softly and sitting down in my usual place. Forever.I silently add.