Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > cause love isn't about affection, it's about leadership2 Reviews
another ridiculously frustrating human thing that would only be making things unnecessarily complicated
The next morning I left the house before any of the men had woken up. I had two hours of plain nothing on my schedule before I was expected at the Toro's. I'd decided to use this time to call the agency again and discuss the details concerning my future home.
I managed to find a public phone booth and dialed the number I'd written on a now wrinkled piece of paper.
They answered after only one beep.
"Hello? This is Willow Aubony calling. I have a few questions for Mr. Wood"
The receptionist asked me to wait for a couple minutes, after which I recognized the familiar voice of the agent greeting me on the other end of the line.
I found out that the deposit money was a two month's rent paid in advance. This meant a tad over 1000 dollars by the end of the week and two rentless months after that.
It wasn't much comparing to the other ones, but still enough to slightly worry me.
I paced around aimlessly for the next hour and ended up at the Toro's half an hour early for my shift. Ray had gotten me a shirt to wear for work - the same black t-shirt with the bar logo on the back that he always wore. It was two sizes too big, but I tied the hem into a neat knot to make it look less like I was a five-year-old wearing something from an adult's wardrobe.
I did a quick change and got to work - collecting empty pints and wiping the tables for the most part. Ray had joked about making me do all the dirty work but I honestly didn't mind. I was more comfortable minding my own business and staying away from cash registers and customer service.
I was getting a bit nervous, I kept glancing at the huge clock on the south wall every five minutes, waiting for Ray to show up. I was going to fill him in on my latest plan.
The girl named Dahlia was working behind the counter. She was a tall, slender woman in her mid thirties, I think, and we hadn't spoken a single word to each other after the introductions a couple days ago, except for the his and goodbyes..
It was almost three PM when the bell on the door went off and I could see Ray's curly hair bounce as he stepped inside. I left a pile of dirty glasses on the table nearby and walked over to him.
"Hey Ray, can I talk to you for a second?" I asked, hesitating a bit.
"Yeah, sure. Out back?" he asked not really waiting for a reply, he turned on his heels and I followed him into the staff room and out the back door. He dug his pockets for a cigarette, found one and lit it.
"Man, it's been a stressful day. There's like fucking world war three going on at home, the guys are all over each other" He mused exhaling the smoke.
I lifted my eyebrows in surprisement. They were fighting?
He saw my bewilderment and added "Don't worry about it, it's not the first time the guys are ripping each other's heads off" He smiled halfheartedly.
"What is it about?" I asked, though I wasn't sure if it was appropriate for me to ask questions about it.
"Nothing in particular" He shrugged. Okay, so clearly it wasn't. I cleared my throat and started to speak
"I wanted to talk to you about something. I went to an apartment rental agency after the first night at your place" I started
He interrupted me with a light chuckle "We were that bad?"
I uttered at laughter as I shook my head. "Not at all, I just wasn't planning on intruding in the first place. It's been nice hanging out with you guys. So, I was saying.. I got a call from the agent and I got a place. Just a studio- type of apartment in Newark"
"Newark?" I repeated in surprise. "Huh"
"Yup, there weren't a lot of choices in my price range, and the only ones available in Belleville were actual houses instead of apartments. The thought made me sort of sad, me living alone in a ragged old house in the middle of a neighbourhood of happy families" I explained with a smile "So uhm.. It's half furnished and ready to move into so that pretty much means I'm leaving tonight"
"I warn you to know that I'm very grateful, I'd have been living in a cardboard box for the past week if it wasn't for you"
"Well, if I was given the choice, I'd move into that cardboard box right now instead of going to that circus back home" He smiled "It gets on your nerves you know, having four cranky men snap at each other every few minutes. I didn't really even understand what the fuss was about, just snarky remarks after another, and a couple of fists flying" He let out a tiny laugh.
"Anyway, do you think you'd still be able to keep on working here? We really do need you, and after all it's only a ten minute drive from Newark.."
I had thought about that. I remember deciding yesterday that I was in no control to be around people, but after a good night's sleep I came to other thoughts. I still needed a job that would pay my rent and put some food on my table. I only had one condition.
"That would be great, Ray. Just, ugh, don't mention any of it to Frank or the others. Please" He thought of that for a second and much to my relief didn't ask any questions.
"Cool. We need to make a contract of employment. Could you stay behind after your shift so we can get it done?" He mused.
"Sure!" I promised, and went back inside. The door was almost closed behind me when I heard Ray's voice again.
"One more thing, Willow" He called holding the door open "Is there a deposit?"
I sighed. I didn't even want to discuss it and now I had to downplay it to not make it sound like I was asking for something.
"Yeah, there is" I replied, smiling a little.
"You don't have any money" he said stating the obvious. I pursed my lips into a tight smile and shrugged.
"You know, that sorta shit can always be arranged. Say, now that you officially work for me, I could give you the money and I'll cut a Benjamin Franklin off of each salary until we're even. How does that sound?"
How did it sound? Perfect, except for a couple things.
"What's a Benjamin Franklin?" I asked in confusion.
He looked like he was fighting a smile, "Seriously, where did you grow up, Sweden? It's a nickname for a hundred dollar bill"
Right, that was clear. So this meant I'd be tied to the job and well, Ray, for about ten months. That might be a problem at some point.. But then, if I'd decide to quit I could just pay up and leave, right? I would just have to save up as much as I could. So that was fine, I guess..
I couldn't help but frown as I thought of the other thing, the fact that Ray had been so unfairly kind to me, a stranger. It bothered me that from what he knew, I could be anyone - a drug addict, a bank robber, an illegal immigrant... And he never asked any questions.
I felt like for all the favors I atleast owed him an explanation. A story of some sort, a make believe backround. But what story would I tell? 'So Ray, in case you were wondering, I come from an alternative universe inhabited by nightly blood-sucking creatures that feed on your kind. I'm half-and-half in a way so I got landed with a pretty awkward job that included tearing down the barrier between our worlds and doom you all. Therefore, I escaped.'
Yeah, that'll work..
"It sounds great, it really does" I hesitated
"But-" I thought for a second "-But nothing. Thank you a lot, Ray. I'll just, uhm, go back to work now" I said and gestured towards the door that led out of the staff room.
"Great" He flashed a grin before the door was closed. I hurried back to the bar to continue where I'd been left off.
After work I stayed behind with Ray to go through all the paperwork concerning my employment. I also managed to tell him fluent lies about my life to make me feel a bit better about keeping secrets.
I told him the story about the night I first met Frank, the one about me being drunk and deciding to visit a non-existing aunt. He'd roared in laughter, which made me quite confident about my lying skills.
I told him pretty much the same things I'd told Frank, only adding a few lies to explain my current situation, and how I'd ended up unempolyed and homeless. I got it covered by telling him I'd only a month ago moved from my parent's house. I remember telling Frank that they were both dead, but I hadn't been very precise about the time of their deaths... I think.
I made up a tragic yet believable story about things not working out like they did in movies, me ending up crashing at my friend's apartment and not being able to get a job, eventually running out of money, naturally, after which the supposed friend had moved to the west coast and I'd ended up alone.
According to the story I'd gotten extremely intoxicated that night and thought of the imaginary aunt that, in my mind, was going to save me from the streets. I had let out a little laugh as I'd shook my head at my own supposed stupidity.
"Come on, that's life. Shit happens" he'd chuckled with a shrug.
The pieces fit quite perfectly, and he seemed to buy it without any doubt.
Later, when I got off work, I found myself alone in the empty apartment. I started gathering my things with a stubborn sense of loss. I tried to get rid of it, I thought about the fact that I had only known these people for a very short time and it was unreasonable at the very least to have grown this attached to them.
My kind did not get attached, and I came to the conclusion that this had to be another ridiculously frustrating human thing that would only be making things unnecessarily complicated and also it was something I would propably just have to get used to.
It should be easy letting go, it's not like I'd really bonded with any of them.
Not even Frank.
true - he was something, the way he made something inside me melt with just one look, the way his presense made the air turn unbreathable.. But unfortunately also the way he brought out things in me that shouldn't exist. Things I could not control.
I tried to explain my melancholy through the fact that they were, literally, the only people in the world that I knew. Without them, I was alone. A total and utter nobody.
I would still see Ray, though, at work. I comforted myself with that thought, but still found that I was unable to chase away the sad feeling in my gut. It made me want to throw up.
It didn't take me very long to pack my belongings in rwo old paper bags I found in the cupboard under the sink. After all, there were only a few items I owned. I tried to think of things to do, to postpone the actual moment that I'd be leaving the key on the table and closing the door for the last time, but after finishing my third cup of coffee and checking I had everything packed for the tenth time, I ran out of excuses.
I felt a tight knot in my stomach as the sound of the key dropping down on the table echoed in the silent room. And then I left.
My plan was to walk to the agency to fill out the rest of the forms and documents, get the key and either walk to the apartment, grow the balls to use public transportation for the first time, or simply ask the agent to show me the place.
Though I prefered option C, I was content with any of the three. I set my mind on the current, step after step after step. I'd decided to think about nothing else besides the present moment, making good of my plan.
That was until I ran into a very angry Frank.