"What if his own feelings had grown so deep in denial that he’d given himself nightmares? Did he think I hated him?"
Chapter Fourteen; Finally
“Where’s Frank?” I asked Mikey when I’d pulled on some clothes. He’d been standing outside my door awkwardly when I opened it. And sure enough, Frank had disappeared.
“He um... had a phone call and had to go,” he said. He didn’t sound particularly convincing.
“Of course he did, Mikey. Seriously, where is he?” I asked. He sighed.
“He freaked and ran out about four seconds before you emerged,” he said. I frowned.
“Why? He said he wanted to talk to me.”
“Oh shit, I scared him off didn’t I? I can’t believe that I just...”
“I don’t even know why that...”
“Gerard!” he shouted. I stopped rambling. “I don’t know why he freaked. Maybe it’s because he’s so madly head-over-heels for you that he was scared how you would react if he confessed his love.”
“That’s not what... hang on, wait, what?” That was the only thing that I could reply with. “He’s... what?”
“Oh for fuck’s sake!” he shouted, throwing my duvet back at me. “You two are so fucking BLIND! You’re driving me mental!”
“Whoa, calm down! I honestly don’t know what’s going on! I woke up about two minutes ago!”
“Would you like me to draw you a diagram? Possibly?” he said.
“Okay, then I’ll explain it verbally. Frank. He wants to lick you all over and have your babies... which is quite disturbing when I think about it. And you want to hold Frank and eat his face, which he also happens to be oblivious to.”
“Oh,” I said, quietly.
“So next time you see him, just run up and admit your undying love and then you’ll have access to freely ravish his face. On second thoughts, don’t do that. I wouldn’t want to loose my breakfast...”
“Mikey,” I said, before he could continue any further. “You’re a pain in the ass. But now you’ve told me this, you may want to steer clear when I see him at school tomorrow. And now I’m going back to bed.”
“Oh, great. I’ll bring vomit bags,” he said. I smirked and turned back into my room with my duvet.
To say I was nervous the next day was a massive understatement. I woke up and could barely think straight when I realized - I get to see him today. I made up my mind very quickly the day before; I was just going to come clean. Simple enough, I think.
Mikey was watching me with a knowing smile on his face as I walked downstairs that morning. I just poked my tongue out at him.
“Excited for today, Gee-tard?” he asked. I rolled my eyes.
“Sure,” I said, sarcastically. Our mum looked between us in interest.
“What’s happening today?”
“Well, Gerard’s finally decided...”
“It’s really nobody’s business,” I said, glaring at him.
“Awww, it’s only about Frankie, isn’t it, GeeGee?” he asked, pouting. I threw a plastic cup at his head.
“Frank, your new friend?” my mum asked, now smiling.
“Yes, that very same one,” said Mikey. I glared at both of them and stood up, stalking outside.
“Something he’s not telling us?”
“Something he’s not even admitted to himself yet.”
I left the house really early, just to get away from the annoying twat that called himself my brother. I wanted to avoid as many of my friends as possible, in the hope that I might be able to speak to Frank alone.
But of course, I had no such luck. I walked outside and Penina was perched on the wall outside my house. She smiled as I came out, and we automatically began to walk together in silence. It was actually quite comforting to have her walk by my side, and not actually bombarde me with a zillion questions in the way Jenna would.
We arrived at school in an equal silence, and rather awkwardly early. But again, Penina did not say anything. We even arrived in front of my empty, silent form classroom before she’d said anything.
“You’re early,” she said in a conversational tone. I nodded and didn’t reply, looking down at my fingertips. “Is everything okay?” I knew I didn’t have to lie. Usually when people ask ‘Are you okay’, you don’t feel like telling anything, you reply with a simple nod of the head.
“Frank came to my house yesterday,” I said quietly. Penina kept quiet, and just looked at me, waiting until I was ready to say anything. “I was asleep, so Mikey sort of came and, ripped my duvet off and ran away like Superman...”
“Leaving you naked in front of the midget that were were previously having a sexy dream about?” Penina asked, grinning. I laughed.
“Well, sort of. He said he wanted to talk... so I get dressed, because I didn’t exactly have many clothes on... but when I came out he had gone,” I said. “Mikey said he freaked out and left.”
“Aww, that’s too bad,” said Penina, frowning. “Why do you think that was?”
“Well, according to my idiot brother, Frank wants to have my babies but thinks I do not feel the same way, and therefore is scared of how I might react if he confessed his undying love and total devotion to me. Well, that’s probably not what would have happened, but that’s the nub and gist of it, anyway,” I said. Penina laughed.
“Well, I suppose we shall find out later,” she said, as we heard the bell ring. “See you.” I nodded, moving inside my form room as she went off towards hers.
People began to filter into the room, and my heart convulsed every time someone passed through the door. But it was’t Frank, of course it wouldn’t be. He was in the year below, he wouldn’t just turn up here. Soon enough I had Bob next to me, with Jenna ogling me like a google-eyed puppet. I didn’t say anything.
“Class, I need your attention!” Our form tutor, some balding guy called Mr Jeffreys who taught something mundane like French for a living, was standing at the front. He had just strolled into the classroom, standing next to two girls who were looking across at the classroom. New students.
They were twins, that much was obvious. Their features were practically identical, although the initial similarities ended there. They were the same height, they were both rather well-built and curvaceous - bear in mind this is not me perving, it is a simple observation of their physical features.
“Girls and boys, this is Ria-Lize and Valerie Laura Mottborough. They’ve just moved into the area, so I hope you’ll welcome them...”
The first one, whom I assumed was ‘Ria-Lize’, had long, curly brown hair that fell to her ribs, and looked quite decidedly normal. As far as girls go, I mean. The second one, Valerie, was... well, quite... how do I put this...
Pretty fucking epic looking. Her hair was dead straight and bright pink, for a start, streaked through with white and black. And although she wore the compulsory white school shirt and black tie, she was wearing a short Lolita-tutu skirt, spiderweb patterned tights and knee-high buckle up converse. Like I said, fucking epic.
“You two... there’s a couple of spare spaces behind Jenna’s table, if you would like to sit there?”
“Who?” asked Valerie. Jenna waved, and the new girl waved back. She’d had a look of disgust on her face beforehand, like she didn’t want to associate with anyone in the room, but she relaxed when she saw that we were just a collection of your everyday freaks. She made her way across and grinned at me when she flopped down in the seat behind me, followed tenderly by her sister.
“Guten morgen meine kameraden!” Valerie said.
“We don’t speak German, you know,” I said.
“Well how did you know it was German?” she asked. I grinned.
“Because it sounded evil. Everything in German sounds evil.”
“You have a point there. My name is Valerie. Laura is the middle name, just call me Val. Or Vallie. But don’t ever call me Vaseline,” she said.
“We won’t. I’m Jenna, the big teddy bear here is Bob, and the gay vampire princess over there is Gerard,” said the redhead, holding out her hand. Valerie took it. I rolled my eyes.
“Nice to meet you. I appreciate your hair.”
“Thank you. Yours is rather spectacular.”
“I like your shoes,” I said, looking at them. They were knee-high buckled converse, decorated with the Misfits skull and sparkly green laces. I liked her already.
“The gay vampire princess, I’m assuming?” Valerie asked.
“The one and only!”
“Oh, and this is Ria-Lize. She doesn’t speak much. She’s very hidey.” The brunette scowled at Valerie.
“Call me Ria,” she said. Then she pulled out a book from her satchel and opened it.
“Not too sociable?” I asked. She shook her head, eyes on the page in front of her. “‘Forbidden’?” I asked quietly, so the others couldn’t hear. Jenna was already talking animatedly to Valerie, probably about dinosaurs or something. Knowing Jenna.
Ria looked up at me, her brow furrowed.
“Yes. What’s wrong with it?”
“It was a good book,” I said. “My friend Penina cried when Lochan... I mean, are you at the end yet?”
“I’ve read it about seventeen times,” she said. “I cried, too.” I nodded, and smiled at her.
“What have you got next? Would you like me to show you around?”
“Um... History, with Miss James,” said Ria, looking at her timetable. “And yes, please. I don’t like the crowds in school.” I smiled, but my heart thudded when I realized something. It was the same class that I sat next to Frank... I’d have to to face Frank... oh shit, oh shit, oh shit... I squeezed my eyes shut and tangled my fingers in my hair.
“Gerard, are you okay?” Jenna asked. I opened my eyes to see her staring at me in concern.
“We have History, don’t we?” I asked, looking at my fingernails.
“Yes. And... is that a problem?”
“Well... I sit next to Frank,” I said, blushing. Jenna ‘ahhhh-ed’ in realization.
“I think you’re safe. I didn’t see him this morning,” she said.
“What?” I asked, pulling out my phone. I instantly found his name and pressed the ‘call’ button. I felt sort of both relieved and severely disappointed if he wasn’t in.
He didn’t answer the phone.
“Not answering,” I said. Jenna shrugged.
“I guess you’d have wanted to talk to him?” I nodded.
“Bad luck, man,” said Bob. I scowled.
Sure enough, he didn’t turn up for the whole day.
By Wednesday morning I was almost sick with worry, and extremely pissed off.
You want to know why? Well, Frank hadn’t been in. I know, not much reason to worry, right? Well, not only had he not been in, but nobody had been able to get contact of him. Text messages weren’t replied too, phone calls were left to ring. And that wasn’t just me, nobody could get hold of him. Not even when Jenna nicked Valerie’s phone and tried, so it was someone he didn’t know.
I was worrying that he’d died by Tuesday afternoon, when we'd knocked at his house, but by Wednesday morning I was simply pissed off. I had the feeling that he was avoiding me.
“I swear, if he doesn’t turn up today, I will knock down his house to find him,” I grumbled to my friends as we walked to school. Penina grinned.
“And if he does turn up today?”
“Buttsecks,” said Valerie. I burst out laughing.
Luckily, I didn’t have to go and break down his door I’ve a feeling that one of the friends (probably Jenna) went around to his house and terrorized him into coming in that morning. Anyway, I had been sitting in first period with my head on my desk, because I was pretty fucking tired.
I’d heard people muttering among each other, but I didn’t really think anything of it. Well, not until I heard a voice in my ear shout - “GERARD, WAKE THE FUCK UP!” I practically shrieked and fell off my chair.
“What was that for?!” I squealed, looking up at the offender. Valerie was sitting next to me, her head cocked to one side. She just pointed at the doorway, and I looked up. Jenna was standing there, next to a very awkward-looking Frank. It must have been her who found him and dragged him in, then.
“Frank, finally!” I said, scrambling up from the floor. “Where have you been?!”
“Whoa, Gee, don’t freak him out!” said Jenna. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair. I could hear lots of people in the classroom giggling. Frank just scratched the back of his neck awkwardly and avoided my gaze.
“Mr Iero, are you going to sit down or not?” asked the teacher, suddenly appearing behind him. Frank just took one look at the teacher and ran out the room. He looked confused, but didn't appear to think anything of it. I crouched down behind a bench as the teacher walked in - luckily, he didn’t notice, and I was able to duck out the door.
Frank was walking away from the room slowly, fiddling with his fingers.
“Frank, wait.” He turned and looked at me; and his face was sad. “Where have you been? You decide to turn up out of the blue on Sunday and then run and disappear? What’s wrong? If you wanted to talk, why didn’t you just stay there and we could have sorted this out on Sunday?” I said.
“Because...” He opened his mouth, but not much else came out.
“What is it?” I asked gently.
“Why did you do it, Gerard?” he asked, his voice barely more than whisper.
“On Friday,” he said, looking up at me. To my utter shock, he didn’t just look sad - he looked heartbroken. A wild idea formed in my mind - what if he’d spent the whole week wondering why, and what if there’d been seeds of doubt there that had just had time to formulate? If he’d been worrying about what his parents would think? What if his own feelings had grown so deep in denial that he’d given himself nightmares?
Did he think I hated him?
“I...” I couldn’t say anything when that thought crossed my mind. I reached out and cupped his jaw gently with my hand. He stood completely still, not saying anything at all, not even reacting when I touched his face. “What were you thinking?"
“I was thinking... it was just something you did... because... maybe you had a reputation to protect... or that you didn’t feel anything... that if I told you anything you would hate me.”
He thought I hated him.
“Frank, I don’t hate you,” I said quietly, my thumb caressing his cheek, lifting his face up so he would look me in the eye.
“But I thought...” I put my finger to his lips.
“Frank. You want to know why, in nearly every situation ever, a person would kiss another person?” I asked. He just looked at me, confusion clouding his eyes. “You know, Anna told me what she and Ash had to convince you of.”
“I didn’t think you were that slow, my little midget,” I said, unable to help a small smile.
“But...” Frank just looked at me, his eyes wide. “But then... what... you...”
Oh, for crying out loud.
I could see a thousand emotions swirling in his hazel green eyes. I count count every freckle on his nose. I could feel his warm breath ghosting across my own lips...
“Shut up,” I said.
I closed my eyes and kissed him again. I didn’t pull away after a few seconds this time. I felt his arms move from where they hung by his sides, and wrap around my neck, attaching himself to me. And he kissed me back.
I held his face in one hand, wrapped my other arm around his back, and I smiled into the most perfect moment of the entire year.
Asdfghjkl. I wrote this at 3am this morning. And I just woke up; it's 11:30 in England. I really need to get back into a decent routine. I feel so odd, because there are so many people already back at school, and I'm like, 'LOL, TWO MORE WEEKS BABY'. Anyway, Do Rate And Review this, please, thank you very muchly!