A visit from an 8-legged friend . . .
Another sleepless night – sleeping during the day isn't good for me even if I was curled up next to my brother. Sitting in history wasn't too bad I suppose. I pulled my phone out to look at the text I received and started to reply to it quickly
"Poor keypad." Holly spoke quietly. I looked up questioningly
"You've been texting ever since we got to history."
"Oh, sorry." She giggled
"I'm tired." She nodded her head
"Yeah, I can tell." I raised an eyebrow at her. She pulled my notebook towards her
"World War Two started in 1914 and finished in 1945. The D-Day landings took place at the battle of the Somme in 1916." She passed my notebook back and giggled. I stared at it for a second before mentally face-palming myself
"Language Mr Way!"
"Sorry sir," I mumbled
"You can copy my notes." I nodded my thanks and returned to my text
"Who are you texting anyway?" Holly asked curiously
"Gerard." She nodded her head
"Did you talk to him? Or is that your way of communicating with him?"
"No, we talked."
"And?" I looked round to check everyone else was working
"He's beating himself up over yesterday."
"Why? Not his fault."
"I know, and he is starting to believe that now. He felt like he failed for Frank, wasn't there to help him. And he feels that he's let everyone down for being lazy and not being there yesterday."
"That is silly, but I guess it can be expected. Think I'd feel bad if you got beaten up when I wasn't here. I'd hate myself for it, but if you forgave me for it or if you didn't hate me for it, I'd get over it pretty quick." I nodded my head. Holly was thoughtful at times
"But it's not just that. He broke down into tears over it."
"I can understand that," Holly said sympathetically
"Well, there's more to it, I'm worried about him, I really am and I think Frank is too; we went and saw him yesterday evening. Gerard was a little bit off I suppose, still feeling guilty, but came round a little after talking to Frank. He loves Frank to bits, but he is still upset about it." Holly nodded her head
"I mean, when I got back from walking you home, he told me how guilty he felt, how he felt he let everyone down, but he said he hates it, that there is something inside him; a black hole that eats away at his emotions, his feelings, confidence, everything. It leaves him feeling sad, upset, emotional, hating himself. He hates seeing someone he loves dearly hurt and it just east away inside of him," I lowered my voice as I spoke
"The poor thing," Holly said. She looked sad. She clutched hold of my hand
"I think it's been happening a while."
"You mean, with Elena?" I nodded my head
"And more. When he was little, he used to get picked on and he would go very quiet, not talk and shut himself off. He wouldn't then play with me, so I would just cuddle him. Then when I started school, I got picked on, but he came out of his shell and stood up for me."
"Something to fight for, something he loves and doesn't want to see get hurt." It made sense what Holly said
"Sure there were times where I got hit or was about to get hit but then he turned up. I think he felt bad if I did get hit, he always did, but I would always hug him and say thank you and then never leave his side."
"Sure there was one time where I did take a beating, but he turned up to stop me from getting too hurt. He hated himself because I was bruised, but I hugged him tightly and didn't let go. He was quiet then. He felt he had let mum and dad down for not being there for me, which they weren't, they were just glad that he showed up to help me." Holly smiled
"Then there was that period when he came out – that was tough for him."
"It is tough, I should know and so does Frank." I nodded my head. I had no idea, but what I knew was that it's best to support them; show them that you love them and stay by their side
"He went quiet again, he got picked on, I got picked on a little, but they focused on him. He was so quiet, it scared everyone. Elena spoke to him, got him to come round and out of it all, and I stood by his side; so did Ray, Bob, mum and dad. We all did."
"I stand by his side – Gerard is a great guy, but he needs looking after at times. He takes on too much and then beats himself up when he isn't there for someone. He can't be there all the time." I nodded my head. I love Holly as she is so understanding
"But I just feel that there is a reason as to why he is like that."
"I think it might be." I looked around the room again and whispered
"Depression." Holly was silent for a moment
"I see why you think that, what does your mum and dad say?" Good point. I had no idea what mum and dad thought. I know mum was worried about Gerard yesterday but didn't want to bother him if he wasn't in the mood to talk.
"I don't know, I'm not sure whether I should tell them, tell them what Gerard said to me and my thoughts, or let Gerard make his own move." I knew full well that Gerard wouldn't tell mum and dad; keep it bottled up. Thing is, he had to tell Frank too. He really did. Just looking at Frank yesterday I could tell he was worried about Gerard
"You do what you feel is right Mikey, and I'll stand by your decision, well I'll always stand by your decision." I smiled at her. Right now I wish I could hug her but knew the teacher would shout and we'd get some looks
"Thanks Holly, you're the best, you really are." She blushed a little
"Now, you better copy my notes or you'll be in detention for an hour." I picked up my pen and started copying down Holly's notes, which made far more sense than mine did. My phone went again
Thanks Mikes. You're the best little brother a guy could ask for. Still worried though and feel so alone without Frankie. G x
I glanced at Holly who had decided to start drawing on her hand but looked at me
"Tell Gerard I'm going to rugby tackle him into a hug later." I smiled
Right here for you Gerard. Holly is going to rugby tackle you into a hug later and you know she keeps to her promises! M x
I tapped my pen up and down on my notepad; I really didn't want to be here. I wanted to be with Gerard knowing he felt alone. And I wanted him to be with Frank too.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I don't think the day could have gone any slower. But I met up with Mikey and Holly at the end of the day. My ribs had just about recovered after Holly's hug from earlier. I have to admit it did make me laugh a little and feel great to know that I am loved by people, even in despite of what's happened. But I still had a pang of guilt wash over me. That black hole was still nibbling away inside. I had a feeling that Frankie had picked up on it yesterday. I didn't want him to ask questions. In a way I was scared to tell him; I could tell Mikey but I feel like I can't tell anyone else. Mum picked us up from school and drove us to the hospital again. Like last night she wondered out with Frank's mum clearly to the canteen. What I wasn't expecting was to see Bob and Ray
"I kind of text Ray and Bob last night," Mikey admitted
"They've been great company!" Frank said. He seemed brighter today. I smiled at him as Holly hugged Frankie gently before sitting down. I wondered over and pulled Frankie into a hug, careful not to flare up any pain. I heard him breathe deeply
"You smell of coffee, and of charcoal, paint and pencils – just the way I like it." I smiled and kissed his forehead before sitting on the bed next to him and putting my arm around him. I relaxed a little, but still knowing where I was and what was poking away inside
"So, how did you two get out of school?" Holly asked
"Well I told mum that a friend was in hospital, she asked if I had music, I said no and she said go to the hospital," Bob said
"Mum phoned in and said I was sick, we then got the bus here."
"Fair plays," Holly said
"Your chest is comfier than the pillow," Frankie said quietly. I smoothed his hair
"Been thinking of you all day," I said quietly. The other four spoke amongst themselves
"Been thinking of you ever since last night, are you ok?" Shit he knew something was on my mind. I smiled at him
"I'm fine, honest." He smiled back and I noticed the sketchpad I had given him
"I asked mum to bring it, so I had something of you here with me when I'm alone." Fuck, more guilt washing over me. Calm down Gerard, it's not your fault, Frankie has said it's not your fault; everyone has said it's not your fault. I smiled again at him and hugged him a little tighter
"I was told today that hopefully by the end of the week I can go home."
"That's great news!" Holly said beaming
"Fantastic," I said smiling. He smiled back as the others smiled
"I'll nurse you until you get better," I whispered and he gave out a giggle but clutched his side
"That I will look forward to, you'll be tons better than mum."
"Oh yeah how are you feeling today anyway?" Mikey asked
"My body aches all over, but my head doesn't hurt and I can breathe without it hurting – say it will be at least a few weeks before the ribs are healed."
Just then a nurse came in and appeared startled by the number of us that were in here. She walked over to Frankie's side, to which Holly took off from her chair and hid behind Ray. Mikey bit his lip to stop laughing. My eyes widened and I felt sick watching as she changed Frankie's IV. I shuddered and looked away. The nurse soon left
"Jesus Gee, like I said yesterday the thing is in my arm and it really doesn't hurt!"
"I hate needles, sorry Frankie."
"Don't be, we all have our phobias."
"Ha, Holly you look like you're actually hiding in Ray's afro," Mikey said. I chuckled. I could just see Holly's head above his afro. She giggled with the rest of us before returning to her seat
"I'm going to go and get a drink, anyone want anything?" Mikey asked standing up
"Water," Ray and Bob said in unison
"Can you get me an apple juice?" Holly asked. Mikey nodded his head
"An orange juice would be nice." Mikey left the room by himself. I noticed the glass and water on Frankie's table. I reached over and poured him a glass, in hope that I could beat down that dark hole and focus my mind
"Thank you," Frankie said smiling
"Now you won't do anything stupid will you," Holly randomly said. She looked directly at Frankie
"Because you know what will happen." Frankie huddled closer to me
"Don't let her bite me!" Ray and Bob fell about laughing
"I won't, as long as you don't do anything stupid."
"I won't seriously, I have you guys to pull me through, I really do!" I kissed his head gently and he relaxed
"Good, because I don't want to see you with anymore scars and nor does Gerard." I nodded in agreement. Seeing my Frankie with scars on his body was hurtful. Bob's eye grew wide and he went very still
"Bob?" I called out. He pointed and we all looked. A small spider descended from the ceiling. Holly let out a little squeal and Frankie clutched tight of my arm
"Get. Rid. Of. It." Bob was firm and trying to keep calm yet his feet had come up off the floor. I smirked
"God sake, it's only a spi-ARGH!" Ray cried and as Holly dived over and practically climbed on his back
"Get rid of it!!" Holly squealed. The spider was tiny
"Fuck, how long has that been in here?" Frankie sounded a little panicked
"I would get rid of it if you two got off me!" Ray called. Bob had grabbed hold of Ray's arm and was slowly making his way onto Ray's lap. I chuckled and got up
"Get rid of it Gee, please!" Picking it up gently I walked out of the room and found a plant in a pot and placed it down, away from Frankie, Holly and Bob
"What are you doing?" I turned round to see Mikey
"Spider problem, you may have to retrieve Holly from Ray's hair now and Bob." Mikey chuckled as he passed me an orange juice
"Are you ok?" Mikey asked. I nodded my head. I felt better just being with Frankie, even though he was broken, but being with all my friends was helping. When we entered the room again, Holly had stepped back from Ray but refused to move. Bob was still half sat on Ray's lap
"All gone," I said calmly and sat back down
"Fuck I bet that thing has been in here ages," Frankie said as he cuddled back into me. I smiled
"It's only a spider," Ray said
"With too many legs!" Bob cried out
"And they move quick! That thing was close to my head!" Mikey sat down and let Holly sit on his lap
"It's gone, now living on a plant by reception, hope it scares the nurses," I said cheerily. Mikey laughed
"Oh you're so nice Gerard." I poked my tongue out at Mikey. It was strange how just being with my brother, boyfriend and three good friends could bring me round. I now didn't want to leave. I didn't want to go home now. I wanted to stay with Frankie and everyone.
Next chapter :-) I remember when I was sat writing it up in college and everyone in the canteen screamed, because someone found a huge spider, and thought it would be funny to add it into the story :-) and so you know I too have a phobia of spiders!