Home at last
Time always drags on by in hospital. When everyone was here, time went by quickly, it was unfair. But I had comics to keep me occupied. I was still worried about Gee. Even though he seemed to be in a better mood today, behind his eyes those emotions still floated around in his eyes. It was nearly midnight and I grabbed the sketchpad off the table and opened. I turned each page slowly, trailing my fingers over the drawings and smiling at each one. Gee was very talented. He worked hard with his art. He looked out for his little brother and looked out for me. I fucking loved him. But he had felt bad about what happened to me. I don't blame him one bit. I knew he was going to be in, everyone sleeps in from time to time. Shayne has had it in for me for ages so in a way I was expecting it. I let out a sigh. I wish he was here right now. I wanted to know what was troubling him behind his eyes. A part of me felt like I was a burden to him; he had to look out for me because I can't stand up for myself. It fucking sucks. I don't know where he gets the courage from. Maybe Mikey knows; I'm sure Gee will have told Mikey. They're brothers after all. I closed the sketchpad and placed it back on the side table and attempted to sleep
I was so unsure of whether I had made the right decision. I dread to think what Gerard is going to say. But I felt I had to do it. It had bothered me all night and all day today. Holly could tell I was fidgety but I done it. I was first out of the car and was the only one heading inside the hospital. Gerard looked at me as mum sat and spoke to him. I walked inside. I knew where to go. I hated being by myself in a hospital. I hate to think how Frank feels during the day. I reached Frank's room. His mum was nowhere to be seen
"Hey, where's Gee?" he sounded a little anxious. I smiled at him
"With mum, they're just talking." I sat down in a chair next to him and pulled out some more comic books and put them down on the table. He nodded his head
"Hey is Gee alright?" I looked up at Frank
"Just he seems so put out, I'm just worried." I let out a sigh
"I'm worried too."
"What's wrong?" It was for Gerard to tell Frank not me. I had told mum but I wanted him to tell Frank about how low he felt
"Is it me?"
"Hell no! It's not you, don't be silly!" He still looked a little worried
"He is still feeling down about everything, about what's happened."
"But he doesn't need to."
"I know, I've tried telling him, everyone has. But he loves you."
"I don't want to lose him."
"You're not going to lose him dingbat! Jesus, calm it, he'll talk to you, he really will." Frank nodded. He seemed a little sad
"I love him, I really do, he's like an angel, a fallen angel; my fallen angel." I smiled
"You won't lose him, I promise." I glanced round and I could see Gerard approaching with mum
"I'll be right back." I stood up and walked to the door and ran over
"Mikey, don't run!"
"Hey um Linda is down in the cafeteria." She smiled and turned on her heel. I looked at Gerard
"You told her," he mumbled. I nodded my head
"I'm so worried Gerard. I had to. If I didn't, no way you would have done it."
"She wants to take me to the doctors." He looked up
"You'll be fine. I care about you. Now you need to get in there and tell Frank. You really do." He looked nervously towards the door
"He's scared that he is losing his fallen angel." He looked back round
"You heard me, I'll be with you, the whole time, just talk to him. He'll understand. Frank doesn't seem the guy to push anyone away." He nodded his head and began to walk
I felt nervous as I saw Gee and Mikey approaching. Gee smiled at me and walked in. Mikey took his seat and sat quietly
"Gee, you know you can tell me anything." He held up a hand. I know Mikey had said kind words; words of not losing Gee but I couldn't help but doubt
"I know I can. It's just, I find it hard. I had to have my own brother tell my mum." He looked round at Mikey
"Like I said, it's because I care, and so does mum and dad." Gee nodded his head. I took hold of his hand
"I know you felt bad for what happened, but please don't, it's not your fault!"
"I don't know the easiest way to say it." My heart stopped. I looked at Mikey nervously and he smiled a little
"I hate it when people I love get hurt, I feel like I've let them down, and let everyone around me down." Is that it?
"It feels like inside a black hole opens up and it starts to eat up my emotions, all the good ones and leaves bad, negative feelings. I feel sad and down. I feel like everything is my fault and that no one cares because I've let someone I love get hurt or I've hurt someone." I squeezed his hand
"I hate it because I can't do anything to get rid of them. I feel a little helpless and at times worthless because of it. But Mikey pulls me through. Elena used to do it a lot. Mum and dad help me a little. And now, so do you. But you got hurt and I felt bad. My laziness and you get hurt."
I smiled at him
"Oh Gee, why didn't you say? Say that's what's inside of you. I used to feel like that if I'm honest, before I met Holly and I don't feel it now that I have you. But I do feel like I'm a burden to you at times."
"No, you're not a burden to me at all! I fucking love you and I wouldn't have you any other way! Jesus, it's my fault that you feel like that."
"No it's not! Gee seriously, it isn't you, it really isn't! I've always felt like a burden, having other people stand up for me. I need to grow some balls, I really do." Gee smiled weakly at that
"No you don't." I hugged him tight and let a few tears fall down my face
"Mum wants me to go to the doctors, but I don't want to."
"Please, I don't want a repeat of when you were eight Gerard," Mikey said suddenly. I raised an eyebrow and Gee blushed
"I'll go with you." Gee shook his head
"I don't want to drag you into it." I put my fingers to his mouth
"I want to be there for you, like you're here for me. Sure I'm in hospital, but doesn't mean I don't want to support my boyfriend. Gee if Mikey is worried then so am I. I want you to be happy. I want that black hole to go away. I hate seeing you sad and upset."
"I hate it because I know it affects others," Gee said as a tear ran down his face
"Gerard, we all love you, Frank in particular. He's your boyfriend. I'll go with you as well. Doctors help you, they really do. Look, Frank was broken by Shayne but at the hands of doctors and nurses, he is being fixed and is being supported with the medicine of the love from his friends, family and boyfriend." I chuckled at how Mikey had described my experience. I looked back at Gerard
"Gerard, you can still look out for us; none of us are going anywhere. We all get hurt once in a while – shit happens. But you need to let other people care for you in return. Let them help you. Please."
"Please Gee, I want you to know that I'm your shoulder to cry on, I'm all ears when you want to talk. I maybe in hospital, but it's not stopping me from being myself." Gee nodded his head
"I wish Elena was here." He began to sob and I pulled him into a hug. Mikey got up and wondered over. He joined the hug
"Me too Gerard, me too." I began to cry myself
"Gerard Arthur Way, my fallen angel. I'm sure Elena is watching over both of you. I may not be Elena Gee, but I can still look out for you, love you like there's no tomorrow and care for you." I felt his lips find their way to my neck and kiss me gently. I heard a sniff and realised Mikey was crying too
"Jesus, I'm glad Holly isn't here," Mikey said. I laughed a little and wiped a tear away from my cheek
"I love you Frankie." Gee cuddled up into me and I smoothed his hair, while Mikey spoke of his and Holly's tales, which made Gee chuckle. He looked up. Those feelings of worry, fear, anger and sadness had disappeared. I smiled and kissed his forehead
"Comfy?" I looked over and saw Donna standing with my mum. I smiled
"Gerard, what I said earlier." Gee sat up
"I'll go." Donna seemed a little surprised
"But, I want Frankie to come with me." Donna smiled
"Of course, moral support is always good, at least that way I have more people to wrestle you into the car and then get you into the doctor's surgery," she joked. I giggled at the thought of Mikey, Donna and Don pulling on Gee's legs as he clings onto the doorframe on his house
"Well, I have news for you Frank, the doctor says you can go home tomorrow afternoon." I smiled brightly. I looked at Gee who was smiling and so was Mikey
"So, Friday?" Donna suggested. Gee nodded his head
"It will be fine, I promise." Gee smiled
"Hate to say it boys, but," Donna started, Mikey stood up and gave me a hug. Gee hugged me tightly and I hugged back
"Be thinking of you," I whispered. He pulled back and pecked me on the lips
"I love you."
"I love you too." He climbed off the bed and over to Mikey and Donna. I waved goodbye to them and watched them leave.
I watched as the street lights flashed by outside the car window as mum drove me and Mikey home. Having mum hold me back in the car, while Mikey went ahead to see Frankie had scared me a little. The nerves built up quick and fast, but mum's calm smile broke out across her face and a reassuring hand placed onto my knee. Mikey had told her exactly what I had told him. I didn't really know how to feel. I wanted to hit Mikey for telling mum but in a way, I was thankful. Mikey knows me too well and knew I wouldn't tell mum or dad. I never did. When I was little and if something was bothering me, I'd tell Mikey and he would always tell our parents. I felt sheepish and stupid for not being brave enough for being able to talk to my parents and having to get my little brother to ask tell them. Mum's words had been relaxing and calming. Comforting with her smiles too. But as soon as the dreaded 'doctor' was mentioned, I froze. She said it was for my own good and joked about knocking me out just to get me into the car and into the surgery. I felt even worse at the thought of being poked and examined by doctors while I was out of it. Even with the comfort and promise of Frankie being there with me, still wasn't enough to calm me. I looked round to see Mikey watching me. He smiled brightly and I smiled back
"What do you two say that we order in tonight? I'm too tired to cook."
"Sounds good to me," Mikey replied
"How about you Gerard?"
"Yeah, why not." I returned a smile back at Mikey. Frankie could be home tomorrow afternoon, meaning tomorrow, I could go home and then not have to endure a ride to the hospital and come home smelling of the latex gloves, disinfectant and the alcohol filled hand-gel. It made my skin itch smelling of that. But tomorrow, Frankie would be in the comfort of his own home and he would be a lot closer to go and see. I felt a bit happier thinking of that and it brought another smile to my face
Today is the day that Frank could come home. Gerard had been up early. I had no idea if he had slept last night. He was quiet but was talking and answering questions. He was smiling too. Seeing him smile in the car on the way home had been nice to see and to just sit with Frank and talk about stuff as if nothing had happened I do believe had worked wonders for Gerard. I wanted to see the normal Gerard again and he was getting there. I could see the daunting thought of the doctors was lingering on his mind though. I really did hope we didn't have a repeat of when he was eight years old
"Have you got art today?" We weren't far from holly's road and I was sure I could see Holly waiting for us in the distance
"Yep, last thing." I nodded my head
"I'll be suffering in chemistry then, the teacher still hasn't forgiven Holly."
"Forgiven me for what?" Holly asked as she hugged me tightly and then hugged Gerard
"Holly, you nearly caused the whole lab to go up in smoke!"
"Oh yeah," she giggled. Gerard chuckled
"Still can't get the smell of the chemicals out of my hoodie."
"Only you would do something like that Holly," Gerard said
"How is Frank?"
"He might be home by this afternoon," Gerard said smiling. Holly smiled
"He you're smiling again!" she said hugging him again as we started to walk
"That will be the magical wonders of Frank," I said. Gerard smiled again
"Oh that Frank is always working wonders!" Holly giggled
"Mhm," Gerard hummed
"As long as the two of you didn't make too much noise," Holly teased
"We didn't actually and you really think I'd do that sort of thing anyway?"
"I'm joking! I know you wouldn't, just some people would."
"No, we all sat and had a very long chat, and a good cry," I spoke. Holly froze
"Cry?" I glanced at my brother and he had flushed a red colour. She fell about giggling
"Aww, bless you two!" she ruffled my hair and then Gerard's hair. I straightened my hair out
"Worth it though." Gerard looked at me and nodded his head
"It was good to know that I'm not going to lose Frankie and to know that I have lots of people around me who care about me," Gerard said quietly
"Of course we care about you Gerard!" Holly said punching his arm playful and she resumed walking
"And you'll be fine at the doctors." Holly looked back round but continued to walk
"I know, if I have Frankie, mum and you there."
"And me!" Holly said cheerfully. Gerard giggled
"Yay you laughed! But I don't know why," Holly said sounding confused, causing me to chuckle. I put my arm around her
"Because you sounded so cheerful about going to the doctors my dear."
"Oh, I see, well I can make the experience more cheerful if that helps, mind you." She eyed up Gerard carefully. He stared back raising an eyebrow
"It could be funny to watch him cling onto a doorframe for dear life, while everyone is trying to pull him free of it." He blushed again and stuck his finger up at me
"Sorry Gerard, I couldn't resist telling her!"
"Whatever Mikey," but he smirked as we continued to walk to school, reaching it just as the bell sounded for the beginning of the day
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The day couldn't have gone any slower, but as each minute went by, it was a minute closer to leave hell and going home and hopefully seeing Frankie. Even my favourite lesson, art felt like it was dragging. All I had managed to do was an outline of a face. I knew whose face it was going to be, but this was the first time in a long time that I had been so distracted from my drawing. I had sat and stared out of the window most of the time, my eyes drifting to where Frankie would be sitting and then up to the clock. It wasn't long before the bell went to sound for the end of the day. I had most of my things packed away, ready, so I could get out quickly, find Mikey and Holly and go. I tapped my fingers on the desk and looked at the outline of the face I had drawn before my attention turned to my phone that was telling me I had received a message. I pulled it out and half excepted to either be mum or Mikey telling me something. But my hopes lifted, the black hole inside me faded and shrivelled seeing it was Frankie
Hey Gee-bear, guess who just got home?? :-D F xxxxxxxxx
Gee-bear? Where on earth had that come from? I smiled and replied quickly before shoving my sketchpad in my bag just as the bell went. I dashed out of the room quickly, just as the corridors were beginning to flood with students, hurrying to leave. I had to wait for Holly and Mikey and started to grow a little impatient. It wasn't like me to get impatient but I wanted to get home, away from this hellhole, and see Frankie. He was home and that is all that mattered. The darkness inside that had been eating my emotions was being vanquished by the light that was Frankie's hope, care, love and affection
"About fucking time!"
"Nice to see you too Gerard," Mikey said in a sarcastic tone
"Frankie is home and I want to leave already!" I walked past the two of them, with them following closely behind
"He text me right at the end of art and said he was home." There was a rush of wind out of the school gates as Holly broke out into a run. I looked at Mikey
"She's been buzzing since the end of lunch," Mikey laughed. I began to run to catch up with Holly. I was really unfit and could already feel a stich starting to cramp up the right had side of my stomach. I could see Holly's hair blowing in the wind up ahead. The wind was harsh and cold, nipping my face and tears formed and fell down my face as I ran. Holly had stopped to catch her breath for a second and was startled as I carried on running. My chest was tight and I could barely breathe as I ran but I kept going as I finally turned down my street and let my feet pound against the sidewalk. I ran past home, and saw mum's car was in the driveway. I reached Frankie's garden path and as I ran up it, Linda, Frankie's mum opened the door and smiled
"Did you run all the way here?" I nodded my answer, unable to talk as I tried to catch my breath
"The . . . other . . . two . . . were . . . behind . . . . . . . . me," I gasped out between breaths. Fuck, I really need to get more exercise. Linda laughed
"He is in the living room, go on through, I'll wait for the other two." I walked past, placed my bag down, out of the way and kicked my shoes off. I walked into the living room and sure enough, sat on the sofa with the music channels blaring out the Misfits was Frankie. He turned his head and smiled and I smiled back at him. He switched the TV off as I approached
"Where did Gee-bear come from?" I asked pulling him into a hug
"I don't know, just felt like saying it," he giggled. He seemed bright and bubbly. Though his bruises on his face were clear as day. Spectacular colours of purples, blues and blacks, but his eyes stood out, bright and shiny. His fingers were still strapped. I didn't really want to see the bruising under his clothing. But he seemed himself
"Wow, you're hot and I don't just mean it with how you're looking, you're actually really hot!"
"Sorry I ran here." He chuckled
"What, to see little old me?" I chuckled and he smiled
"I love it when you laugh Gee and I love seeing you happy like this." I smiled even more. His light inside me shone bright, his touch and his emotions spreading through me like a flood of water hitting a village
"You're a little light inside of me, but you're the strongest one out of the others." He seemed puzzled
"You, Mikey, Holly, Ray, Bob, mum, dad and my grandmother are like little lights of hope inside of me, that help me when I'm feeling down, you pull me out of the darkest, but you're the strongest next to Mikey." He blushed a little
"Well this light is going to stay for a long time." I smiled again as I felt breath tickle my face and his lips touch mine. I cuddled him as we kissed before I could hear heavy breathing. We both looked round to see Holly red in the face
"Jesus fucking Christ Gerard, you can run fast!" She hugged Frankie before sitting on the floor
"Where's Mikey?" Frankie asked
"Never take off like that ever again you two!" Mikey gasped. He collapsed on the floor next to Holly. I honestly would have thought Mikey would be a lot fitter than me considering he actually goes to sports
"So, how are your ribs?" Holly said poking Mikey in the side
"Better, the doctors did me a note to get me out of sports as I'm not supposed to do any strenuous exercise." Holly giggled
"No bedroom action for you two then," Mikey said sitting up a little
"As if I did sports anyway," Frankie giggled. I glared at Mikey but couldn't help but let a little giggle slip out
"My bruises don't hurt, my nose is fine, I don't ache anymore, which is a good thing, just my fingers are broken, meaning I can't play Pansy." He stuck out his bottom lip, looking sad and made big puppy dog eyes. It was cute to look at and I giggled and ruffled his hair a little. He growled at me like a dog, which made me want to giggle even more. He pushed me down onto the sofa pinning me down
"Wow, you must be better if you can do that," I giggled, wrapping my arms around him and cuddling him. He nuzzled his nose in the crook of my neck
"They'll still try with the bedroom action though," Mikey sighed. I flipped my middle finger up at Mikey
"Bastard," he mumbled
"Love you too Mikey." Holly giggled before ruffling Mikey's hair. He stared at Holly while fixing it
"You're such a girl Mikey," Frankie cooed before laughing
"You straighten your hair Mikey!"
"So does Frank!"
"Only my fringe!" Frankie protested. Holly giggled
"Mikey you look good with messy hair leave it!" Holly tried ruffling his hair again but Mikey grabbed hold of her wrists
"It does not!"
"I offered to take a set of curling tongs to his hair once you know," Holly said looking at me and Frankie. Frankie laughed and I smirked
"He'd look good with curly hair," Frankie teased. Mikey's eyes grew in horror. I love it; things were more unless back to normal, apart from having to go to the doctors. But we were back to our normal selves, which was brilliant.
"Hell no!" Mikey cried out. Holly giggled, broke free from Mikey's grip and ruffled his hair, before attacking his lips. Mikey didn't seem to resist being kissed by Holly. Frankie glanced at me
"No fair, stop teasing us!" Frankie cried out
"Yeah you two, pack it in!"
"Fuck you!" Mikey shouted before pulling Holly closer. I rolled my eyes. Frankie grabbed a pillow, chucked it and managed to hit Holly square on the head
"OW!" she placed a hand to the back of her head as she sat up, but pinned Mikey down
"Don't hit my girlfriend!"
"Oh look at Mr Protective!" I joked. Mikey glared at me. It was funny seeing Mikey being protective of Holly. In a strange way it reminds me, of me when I look out for Mikey, Frankie and Holly. Mikey grabbed the pillow. Frankie whimpered and tried to hide his face and clutched hold of me tightly
"Hit my Frankie and you're dead," I said clearly. Mikey smirked, chuckled the pillow and it hit Frankie's back. He cried out
"That's it!" I kissed Frankie's head before wriggling out from underneath him, rolling onto the floor, crawling over, pushing Holly out of the way and tackling my brother. I could hear Frankie and Holly laughing as I rolled around on the floor with my little brother, poking and tickling him as he did the same back. We never hit one another
"MICHAEL JAMES WAY AND GERARD ARTHUR WAY!" We both froze dead as the laughing stop. I rolled onto my back to see our mother standing in the door way with Linda. Linda looked like she was biting back a laugh
"He started it!" we said in unison. Holly snorted with laughter
"I don't care who started it, I'm finishing it!" mum said in a firm tone
"But," Mikey began
"No buts Mikey! You are not at home, I'm so sorry Linda," she said turning to face Linda
"They're boys, what do you expect!"
"Right, Gerard, tomorrow afternoon after school, you are going to the doctors I have made an appointment." My heart and stomach both dropped
"Ok," I mumbled. She gave a small reassuring smile before wondering over to Frankie
"Good to see you back home Frank." She ruffled his hair before turning and following Linda out into the kitchen. Holly burst out laughing
"Idiot," Mikey said hitting my arm. I crawled back over to Frankie as Holly attacked Mikey again, this time tickling him and ruffling his hair even more. Frankie was lying on his side on the sofa, propped up by his elbow
"What?" I asked
"Didn't think I'd ever hear you're mum go off on one." He giggled. I shrugged my shoulders
"Always calls us by our full names when we're fighting." Frankie giggled before stretching his free arm down and cupping my cheek in his hand. I smiled again as he began to pull my head closer, into a kiss. I touched his hand that was on my cheek and smoothed the back of his hand. He moved it round to the back of my neck and pulled and without stumbling over, I managed to climb back up onto the sofa and hold myself above him as we continued to kiss. He tried to pull me down but I resisted. He broke away
"I don't want to hurt you." He smiled before pulling my body down onto his and rolling, so that he was then on top
"You can never hurt me Gee, I've waited far too long to do this." I smiled again as his lips crashed to mine, moving in perfect synch like they had the first time we kissed. I trailed my hands down round onto his back and smoothed his back gently. Every worry and fear had now completely gone; even being told that doctors was tomorrow after school, the worry had vanished in an instant
"So you complain about me and Holly yet you two are then at it?" Mikey questioned. Holly giggled
"Well they haven't had the chance to do this since Gerard was ill." I trailed a hand a little lower and felt Frankie grind into me a little and a soft moan escaped between my lips as he kissed my jaw line
"Oh seriously Gerard?" I felt Frankie smile. I liked to annoy Mikey at the best of times, but this time I had no intention of annoying Mikey; my attention was to make up for what I had lost since being sick and then losing Frankie to a hospital
"Come on Mikey, let's go join your mum for a coffee in the kitchen." Hearing them get up and leave, Frankie pulled away a little
"I'll be with you, every second tomorrow in that doctor's surgery and I'll make it up to you when my ribs are healed completely." I smiled even more and pulled him back down into a kiss. I didn't want to take advantage of him considering he has still been in hospital. A small pit of guilt rose up in my stomach still; that guilt burning saying that it was my fault that he had got hurt, but it soon died away as Frankie grinded into me again and he bit my neck while intertwining his fingers in my hair. I fucking loved Frankie. My light that burned the brightest; drowning the darkness and filling it with happiness. His hollow point smile that burns in my heart and in my mind every time I see and his childish giggle and laughter. To him I was his fallen angel, protector and lover and I was going to keep it that way.
The doctors visit is in the next chapter :-) but I hope you guys like this chapter though!