Doctor's and children stories
It felt strange, having Donna drive me to school, to pick up Gerard, Mikey and Holly
"Is he really that hard to get to go to the doctors?"
"Yep, I'm sure Mikey has told you of the time when Gerard was 8 and not wanting to go to the doctors." I wasn't sure if he had but nodded my head
"He's such a pain, but still, at least he is going this time, if he refuses when we get to the school to pick him up, I'll get the whole bloody school to help drag him there!" I giggled at Donna's comment just as she turned down into the road leading up to the school, where hoards of students were walking down the sidewalk and the bright yellow school buses are visible straight ahead
"That could be interesting to watch." I looked out for Holly, Mikey and Gerard and amongst the hordes of students, I could see Mikey. Donna pulled up and I got out. I wanted to sit in the back with Gerard. All three smiled brightly as I stepped out. A few students turned and stared at me, but I didn't care. I'd have to face that next week when I do return to school. I was dreading that a little; questions would be asked and remarks would be made
"Hey Frankie," Gee said smiling. He hugged me gently and I hugged him back. Mikey raced round to the other side of the car and climb into the back, while Holly got in the front
"Come on, it will be fine." I ushered in him into the car so he was in between me and Mikey. Soon as I closed the door and buckled up, I took hold of his hand and squeezed it. He looked nervous but smiled. Holly turned round
"You know, doctors isn't so bad, I'd say the dentist is worse." Gee shook his head
"Doctors," he said firmly. I giggled
"No, dentists for me, I bit my dentist before." Mikey shook his head and I chuckled
"Why doesn't that surprise me?" Gee said
"Well, he said bite together and he didn't move his fingers out of the way in time," Holly said in an innocent tone. Gee chuckled
"I remember you telling me that," I said laughing
"I think the dentist is more scared of me than I am scared of the place."
"I wonder why," Mikey said chuckling. The rest of the car journey was quiet, with Holly speaking out randomly to lighten the mood. Gee was completely silent as Donna parked the car
"Alright, everybody out!" Holly dived out of the car quickly as Donna got out herself. I got out my side and Mikey waited to give a helping hand if Gee decided to bail out of going to the doctors. I offered out my hand and smiled brightly at him. He slid across the seat and took it. His hands were a little clammy; nerves. Mikey followed suit behind Gee and we walked slowly and steady into the doctor's surgery and into the waiting room
"I'll sign you in," Donna said and she wondered over to the reception desk. Finding seats, we sat together, Gee in between me and Mikey, while Holly sat, swinging her legs and looking around the room
I watched Donna from a distance filling out what looked like a piece of paper. I clutched Gee's hand tightly and looked round. He looked up, fear glazed over his eyes. I smiled and shuffled closer to him
"Man, some people are so rude staring," Mikey mumbled. I looked round the room to see a few people staring and whispering to one another
"You know the best way to get them to stop staring," Holly butted in. She began to stare and pull funny faces at the people staring. I bit my lip to stop myself laughing out loud and plus it hurt to laugh too much
"Oh Holly, what are you like, can't take you anywhere," Mikey chuckled. A smile came to Gee's face but he remained quiet as Donna came back over and joined us
"It will be ok," I whispered in Gee's ear. He looked back around and I squeezed his hand and he squeezed in back in response
"Holly what are you doing?" Mikey asked. I looked back around and sure enough, Holly was standing. She smiled before disappearing over to where the magazines were kept for people waiting to read. Instead of picking up a magazine, she grabbed a children's book, dashed back over and sat on Mikey's lap
"Read me a story!" she cooed like a young child. Mikey blushed a little and took the book. Donna giggled and Gee chuckled. I get more of the reasons as to why we were getting strange looks and people now had got up and moved to a different seat. Not every day, you see a tall, lanky teenage boy come and sit down and have a hyperactive teenage girl grab a children's book, and sit on someone's lap asking for a story to be read. And you don't normally see two gay teenage boys; one badly beaten, the other quiet and fearful, holding hands sat in the waiting room, while the mother sits quietly observing the room
"Do I have to?" Mikey asked
"Just trying to lighten the mood! Pretty please?" Holly begged
"Mr Gerard Way?" We stopped and looked to the reception desk. Gee looked nervously over at the reception desk. The receptionist set eyes on us
"The doctor will see you now, room twenty four, down the corridor, then the forth door on your right." I stood up and reluctantly so did Gee. Donna stood up
"We can't all go with you, I will wait here." She brushed his hair out of his face. Holly stood up
"Me and Frank will come with you," Mikey said placing a reassuring hand on Gee's shoulder
"And we'll be right here, waiting for you!" Holly cooed. She paused
"Why does that sound like a song?"
"Because it is a song dear, now hurry along you three!" Donna said ushering us away. Gee walked even slower as Mikey walked a foot ahead finding the room
"Found it." Mikey knocked on the door
"You'll be fine, I promise, I'll be here with you the whole time." I pecked his cheek as the casual 'come in' came from the other side of the door. Mikey opened the door and stepped through first. I pushed Gee forwards and closed the door behind me
"Moral support," Mikey said. There were two chairs next to the doctor's desk, another by the door and a gurney for someone to lie down on. There were shelves, blood pressure monitors, a set of scales and a first aid kit in different areas of the room. Mikey sat himself down on the gurney and focused on Gee the whole time as I sat down next to him in one of the two chairs next to the doctor's desk.
The doctor was female who must have been in her mid to late forties, with short mouse brown hair, and pale blue eyes. She smiled brightly at the three of us, which was kind of weird
"Hello, I'm Doctor Liz Webb, and I will be dealing with your case today." She picked up the paper, which I recognised as the piece of paper Donna had filled out when we arrived; she pulled her glasses down from her head and put them on and began to examine the piece of paper. Gee's eyes wondered around the room and he stopped and stared at something. Both me and Mikey spotted what he was staring at
"Uh, could you explain to my brother, um, what you're going to do." She glanced up from the piece of paper, looking a little confused
"It's just that my brother really hates coming to these places and he REALLY doesn't like needles." She glanced over at the small set of needles that were placed on a shelf. She laughed a little
"Of course! No need to worry Gerard." She picked up a piece of paper and covered the small tray holding the needles
"That's for my next patient, not you and don't worry, I'm not going to stick anything in you. We are simply going to have a chat today." She smiled again and returned her eyes back to the paper. I didn't know whether I was imagining it but I was sure that Gee was trembling a little. I let go of his hand for a second and in his eyes, panic flickered at the sudden loss of contact. I slipped my arm around his waist and pulled myself closer to him and took hold of his hand again
"Ok, so, after reading what you're mum, Donna has written, it seems that you have been very quiet, withdrawn from things, worried and upset. And perhaps it's not the first time?" Gee sat quietly and I squeezed his hand in support. Mikey's eyes were soft and gentle and gazed upon his brother
"Would you like to tell me in your own words what goes through your mind when you're like this?" After a moment Gee nodded his head
"Don't worry sweetie, I'm not going to bite or hurt you, I'm here to help and to listen." Gee took in a deep breath and slowly began to talk, with me holding him the whole time.
Now that Mikey, Gerard and Frank had disappeared, it was now an anxious wait in the waiting room. Donna was calm and content staring at the notice board. I began to swing my legs again; I think it's a nervous habit of mine. I'd gone and put the child book back and had received even more looks. I didn't care. Be who you wanna be is what I always say and think. Donna let out a small sigh
"They'll be ok, Mikey is with him and so is Frank."
"I know dear," she said giving a smile. I smiled back at her
"Just wish Don was here."
"When does he get back?"
"Some time tomorrow. I know Gerard and Mikey would want him here. And I know Don would want to be here too." Without thinking I placed a hand on her arm
"He'll be thinking of all of you, he really would."
"Holly, you're such a sweet girl, even if you are a tad crazy at times." I couldn't help but giggle
"I know I'm crazy but would you have me any other way?" She laughed
"I know Mikey wouldn't. He seems a lot more confident than he used to be now that he has met you." I smiled to myself at the compliment
"He has his brother for that one too." Donna nodded her head in agreement
It was heart-breaking, listening to my brother, repeat every word he had said to me, to the doctor and then speak of his past; how he felt alone and cut-off; unable to go to anyone other than me. The doctor had sat quietly, keeping her eyes fixed to Gerard, nodding her head every now and then. Frank had shifted even closer to Gerard
"So, it's not just a sudden burst of feeling down, it's been happening for a while." Gerard nodded his head in response. His voice had started to break towards the end of his explanation
"I hate having to ask this question, but it is standard procedure. Take your time to answer it. Have you ever had any suicidal thoughts or done something to make the bad feelings go away?" Gerard went silent. My heart stopped for a second as I stared at him
"I wanted to cut once, when I came out," he whispered. My chest felt a little tight
"It's ok," Frank said quietly hugging Gerard a little more
"And did you?" He shook his head
"I couldn't bring myself to do it." A single tear ran down his face
"But, when Elena died, I wanted everything around me to stop; I did want to be with her. I felt like my world had come crashing down around me. I shut myself off. But even wanting to end everything, I couldn't do that as a part of me did know that I would hurt other people; especially Mikey." He glanced up, tears shinning in his eyes
"I hated myself for thinking of thoughts like that. I really did. Along with the self-harming. Mikey would always be the reason I wouldn't do anything." I slipped off the bed and wondered over and pulled my brother into a hug
"Ok." Gerard sobbed into me and I looked round at Frank who smiled at me. I smiled back at him and wrapped an arm around him too. I broke away, wondered over to the door, picked up the chair and placed it down in front of my brother. I felt too far away from him sitting on the gurney
"If I give you some paper and a pen, would you draw what it feels like, when this darkness is looming inside of you?" Gerard nodded his head as Frank wiped his tears away and cuddled him more. She smiled and handed him some paper, a pen and something to lean on
"Do you have any idea what it might be?" I asked curiously
"I do, but I want to see what your brother draws first." He was quiet for about five minutes, the pen scratching across the surface of the paper. He lifted it up and handed it over to the doctor before taking his pen to the paper again. I gazed at the picture. A small figure, that looked like him, huddled in the corner, with long, dark thorny branches cascading around him, the words 'beaten' 'broken' 'alone' 'failure' written around the figure. Any form of light was being cut out by the thorns and the words 'hope' 'love' 'light' 'family' could be seen, being cut in two, ripped, and taken away. I felt my eyes prick looking at the incredible detail he had put into it
"The detail," the doctor spoke almost in a whisper. My eyes flicked back to what Gerard was now drawing
"This is how I feel, when the darkness goes; disappears." He looked up and handed the other drawing over. His figure again, his back to us. The darkness slipping away as hands, reach out. Each hand had the word, 'love' 'hope' 'family' 'light' written on it in some way. Faces were there; faces I recognised. Elena. Frank. Holly. Mum. Dad. Ray. Bob. Me. Elena's face seemed to be above, almost as if she was an angel watching down on him, and helping him
"Being pulled from the darkness, by the lights that are around me."
The doctor placed the drawings down and surveyed Gerard
"This, might be upsetting to you, when I tell you." She paused for a moment
"Gerard, you have depression." In a way I was expecting. Gerard was quiet
"But it is something that can be easily handled," she smiled. I glanced at Frank who stared at the doctor. Gerard looked round at Frank to catch his gaze. Frank stared at Gerard and smiled at him
"Is there anything you like doing?"
"Well, drawing I suppose."
"I can see that! The detail in those two drawings."
"You like writing song lyrics," I spoke
"That's true, you do, and you produce amazing writing in English," Frank said encouragingly
"Writing and drawing are good ways of communicating. It can be a great way of communicating with people, if you feel you can't talk to them. Hanging with your friends is a good way of lifting your spirits. Quality time with a family member, going out for a walk, and listening to music helps." Gerard nodded his head
"You have a lot of people around you, who care and love you Gerard, let them take care of you, let them protect you, like you protect them. You can't always watch them."
"I still feel bad for what happened," he said quietly looking at Frank. Frank smiled
"Don't be, how many times do I have to say? Were you the one to beat me up? Were you the one who left me there? No. You weren't. You're the one who found me; helped me."
"He's right," the doctor said. I nodded my head in agreement and smiled at Gerard
"What I'm going to do, is prescribe you anti-depressants. I want you, to take them for a month. After a month if you feel they've helped, keep taking them. If you feel they're not doing anything, you can either stop taking them or come back and we'll try something else. I'm here, if you need an appointment; a chat to someone. Not all doctors are big and scary with terrifying needles," she joked. I laughed. Gerard half smirked and Frank smiled
"Like I said, let the ones you love, look after you and protect you in return. Don't feel you're failing everyone when someone gets hurt, because you're not." She wrote something down on a piece of paper and turned back round with a smile on her face
"Right, unless there is anything else I can help you with, you're free to go." Gerard shook his head and whispered a thank you
"I'll give this to you, to give to your mother," she said handing me the piece of paper. It had a funny name written on it. I pocketed it and stood up, moving the chair back to its original place and opened the door
"Thank you," I said in unison with Frank. Gerard smirked as Frank chuckled. The doctor returned to her computer as I closed the door and heard a loud sigh of relief.
I may post a second chapter tonight, not sure. I hope you guys like this though, and it is a bit short