"I'll carry you to the train station.. since you can't walk.. And I guess it is kinda my fault."
"Are you alright to go to Newark, Mikey?" Gerard asked. Frank sat up, looking hopeful, trying not to smile and giggle about what he was thinking.
"If we're going to Newark, it will take around three hours a only one train, that means we can all have a good rest, especially Mikey." He spoke softly, looking at Gerard and his injured brother.
"Okay." Mikey replied, quietly. Gerard nodded to him and pulled him into a hug, holding his brother against his chest as if he were a baby again. Though, I guess he'd always be a baby to Gerard. He pressed his lips against Mikey's temples before collecting him again, in his arms. "I'll carry you to the train station.. since you can't walk.. And I guess it is kinda my fault."
"Okay, let's go." He smiled, sighing, actually pretty happy to be heading out. Gerard adjusted Mikey into a piggy back, where Mikey cuddled onto Gerard's neck with a soft sigh. He hadn't really deserved this. But he took it, because that was what little brothers did. Frank giggled at Mikey fidgeting on Gerard's back, as they walked down the road, to the train station. He had something on his mind, which he needed to ask Gerard.
"Gerard." Mikey grumbled. "You're walking really fast, it hurts." He pushed his forehead into the nape of Gerard's neck.
"I'm sorry." Gerard tugged at his arms softly. "I'll slow down. Does it hurt that bad?" He asked, worriedly. Mikey nodded softly, laying down his head on Gerard's shoulder.
"Aww," Frank smiled, paying for their tickets, wandering on the train. He chose a random seat, and sat down, sighing, looking out of the window. Gerard sat down opposite Frank, making Mikey comfortable in his arms.
"You need any pills?" Gerard asked, quietly. Mikey shook his head, drifting off to sleep as Frank smiled, awkwardly at Gerard, looking out the window. Gerard leant his back against the window, lying his legs out on the other chairs, Mikey's surprisingly small and bony body laying across him. Gerard sighed into Mikey's hair.
"I'm sorry, alright?" He breathed, squeezing his eyes shut. "I'm sorry." Frank wasn't really aware of who he was aiming it at. Mikey nodded, groaning a little through the pain, still asleep. Frank looked up, ashamedly.
"Is he alright?" He asked, looking a little worried, there were too many things going on in his brain.
"No." Gerard replied sharply. "I'm gonna have to get his head stitched when we arrive." He breathed in, slowly. "I didn't mean to shout, Frank."
"Okay, I hope he feels better as soon as possible." He smiled, shrugging. "I'm not fussed about that, honest. There is just, so many thoughts in my mind at this moment, relevant and irrelevant."
"Me too." Gerard hummed sadly, gazing over his brother with worry, pulling Mikey tightly against him. "You did deserve it, though." He said, darkly, avoiding Frank's gaze.
"What?" He spoke softly, looking up at him. "Look at me, Gee."
"You weren't listening. You thought you were strong enough, strong enough to help me, which, was a bad idea, when I haven't had my pills." He said, quietly. "That's why I shouted. You were thinking about yourself, and me. No one else. I can't afford, to do that."
"You don't understand, okay? I know I don't listen, I know I was thinking about myself. I know I cry at stupid times, I know I tried to help you and I just made it worse. But this isn't easy for any of us, Gee. The one thing I wanted back there was a hug, that's all. I'm sorry." He sighed, upset, shrugging, looking out of the window again.
"And you got it." Gerard replied, quietly. "Do you know, how angry I was.." Tears sprung from his eyes and ran down his cheeks, and he moved hastily to wipe them away. "But I tried my best, to not suffocate you. I felt like destroying you but I knew I couldn't Because I love you. And I'd never see you again."
"I love you too. I know what to do and not do, okay? I'm learning about everything now." He smiled, softly, moving out of his seat, wrapping one arm around Gerard's neck, nuzzling his neck. Gerard shook his head, shivering.
"D-don't," He murmured. He loved Frank so much, but he couldn't. He still needed to distance himself, there was still a little anger lingering inside him. Frank sighed, nodding, sitting back in his seat, a little embarrassed. "Just tell me when you want a hug, I'm always here." He smiled, comfortingly.
"I will." He muttered. "I just want to talk about.. where we're going to go from here. What you need to do."
"Okay, tell me anything and everything." He mumbled, leaning his back against the window, turning his head to look at Gerard.
"I don't want you to be scared of me." Gerard breathed, shakily. "But you're far too comfortable. I find it frightening - you didn't even seem to be that frightened when I knocked Mikey to the ground.. You could have gotten someone else to pull me away.. It really worries me."
"I can't explain it, um.. It's weird. I don't have any siblings, so I don't know right and wrong, it could be perfectly fine for brothers to actually fight, constantly, for all I know. I grew up in a violent household, I told you, that's why I'm not frightened." He shrugged, "But how do you want me to act? More distant from you?"
"Well- maybe for other brothers, but not for me." He mumbled. "Me and Mikey are closer than that, we'd verbally fight, but I'd never hit him. But I've done it far more times than I ever should, and Mikey's never touched me once." He sighed, sadly. "Not more distant.. It's just.. I want you to help me."
"Help you how? Like, tell you when you shouldn't be doing things?" Frank looked slightly confused, but happy that him and Gerard we're actually talking.
"Just promise me - when I tell you, to move away, when I tell you to step back, to get away - don't follow me. Because someone will get hurt." He ran a hand over Mikey's head, softly. "I tried to tell you before, but neither of us were making it easy, and Mikey.. Well, he was the one who took a beating." He pecked Mikey's head gently.
"Okay, I'll listen, but think about it, it's hard for us, we worry about you." He smiled, gulping. "I promise." Frank blushed, giggling quite loudly, before putting his hand over his mouth, "Sorry about that, I'm just thinking about something..." Gerard nodded, shutting his eyes and leaning his head onto Mikey's.
"What're you thinking about.." Gerard asked absently, his eyes still closed and pressed against the bandages.
"I doubt you want to know, it's irrelevant and just weird, because it just popped into my head." He giggled again, biting his lip hard, trying to shut himself up.
"Well.. If you ever want to tell me, I'm here." He sighed softly laying back a little. Mikey turned in his sleep, lying now with his face buried in Gerard's neck.
"Fine, over the past couple of days, I've felt weird, like something wasn't right. I have only just now, figured out the solution." He giggled, burying his head in his hands, "I haven't had sex in days." Frank blushed hard, his head in his hands. Gerard grumbled slightly.
"I know." He murmured. "But I can't do that now. Not anymore." He sighed, softly.
"Fuck, it sucks so much, but I understand." He sighed, biting his lip.
"Thank you." Gerard said, quietly. "I'm doing this, for your benefit. And my own." He nodded, inwardly.
"I do understand, but you won't be able to last a long time. You must of read up about human psychology, once you get a taste of something, and it's pleasurable, you can't stop." He sighed, smirking.
"I have." Gerard whispered. "But when a memory like that intrudes, it completely changes your opinion on an act. Completely changes what it means to you." He pushed Mikey's bag behind him and lay down his head on it. "You can't just.. forget, something like that, you know."
"I understand. It was fun while it lasted, though." He smiled, sighing. "Do you ever think, that you'll get better? Not for my benefit, for you."
"Maybe they could make me forget." Gerard pondered, shutting his eyes. "It worked for three years. Maybe I can forget." Frank sat up, suddenly remembering something.
"I read about something... ages ago... Can't you, like, overwrite memories?"
"Maybe." Gerard sniffed. "I don't know. I just gotta get away first."
"I understand. It all takes time, just try and rest." He smiled, shutting his eyes, sighing. Gerard turned, hunching his legs up a little, hugging Mikey towards him. Mikey was still breathing unevenly in his sleep, and a large, purple bruise was settling across his face. He dreaded to think what his side looked like.
"Love you." Frank sighed, smiling, trying to sleep, but failing. Gerard didn't reply - he was already sleeping, snoring just very slightly, his younger brother clutching at his shirt as they lay.
Frank sat up, failing to sleep as the train came to a halt. He stood up, playing with Gerard's hair.
"Wake up, we're here." Mikey grumbled in his nightmare filled sleep, shaking his head against Gerard, Mikey and Frank both waking him up. Gerard's eyes flickered open, and he sat up, pulling his bag onto his shoulder and holding Mikey like a toddler against him. He didn't have time to rearrange. Frank grabbed all their bags, walking off the train, Gerard and Mikey following him.
"My head really kills." Mikey mumbled, pressing his face against Gerard's chest. Gerard kept a tight hold on him as they walked. It was about 4am, in Newark - they weren't many people around.
"You've got a hole in your head Mikey, we're gonna get it stitched." Gerard replied, abruptly. Mikey didn't reply, after that. Frank saw that it was hard for Gerard to even look at Mikey, knowing what he's done to him. He walked slowly beside Gerard, holding out his hand, looking up at Gerard with a small smile and big eyes. Gerard kept a tight firm hold on Mikey, reaching out and taking Frank's hand loosely.
"Where are we going to stay? Should we split up?" Gerard asked, studying the area. "I gotta find a hospital." Frank shrugged, "It's up to you, I don't mind." He smiled, holding Gerard's hand.
"Well.." He said, softly. "I think we should find a hospital first." He mumbled, worriedly. "I just.. something's not right. Mikey would be kicking up more of a fuss."
"Of course," Frank took out a map of New Jersey, which he took from the train station, "There is one, not far from here." He showed, Gerard.
"Okay." He replied, moving a little quicker in the correct direction. He entered the hospital, which was mostly inactive. He went to the desk, Mikey still cradled in his arms. "Excuse me?" He asked gently, attracting the attention of the receptionist. "Could someone take a look at my brother, please? I think he needs stitches." He breathed, holding Mikey close to him. Mikey was very quiet, his breathing slow and shaky.
Frank gulped, looking worried up at the lady, she responded.
"Of course, now bring him over into the waiting room, you're very lucky we aren't busy." He flashed a friendly smile, leaving Gerard, Frank and Mikey in a small room. "The doctor will see you in around five minutes."
"Alright, thankyou." Gerard nodded gratefully, sitting down on the nearby sofa and holding Mikey protectively. "Mikey, can you hear me?" He said, firmly. Mikey didn't answer. His gaze was absent - he looked as though he was trying to meet Gerard's eyes, but couldn't will his own to move fast enough. A man in scrubs, popped his head around the door.
"Hello, I'm here to look at your brother." Frank looked hopeful, suddenly feeling a lot better. The doctor walked over, checking over Mikey. The man looked over Mikey worriedly, pushing his thumbs above Mikey's eyes and studying, checking his pulse, exploring the cut on his head. It was a shame, that it was Mikey that was hurt - he would have loved to watch the Doctor at work.
"Can you hear me?" He said softly. Mikey didn't respond. His body was a little limp and he fell back against Gerard's. The Doctor nodded. "Alright. I'm going to have to take Mikey in the back and get those stitches done. How long ago did he hurt himself?"
"Um.. Maybe about seven hours ago? At 10pm." Frank stated, sounded worried shaking slightly, looking at Gerard, seeing how he was.
"Right." The doctor stood back up from where he was knelt. "Would you mind taking him through with me? I might have to run some tests.. I'm a little bit worried." He paused. "Were there any other injuries?" He asked, inspecting the soft bruising on his face. Gerard nodded, ashamedly.
"He was punched in the jaw.. And kicked in the side." Frank looked at him, sighing, holding out his hand again, offering Gerard to take it if he wants as they both listened closely to the Doctor. Gerard slipped his fingers in between Frank's. The Doctor sighed.
"I'm going to need a better look at him. Come on." He asked politely, stepping out of the way. "Is he already on any medication?" Frank stroked Gerard's hand with his thumb, feeling that he was shaking.
"Um, here's his meds bag." He passed the Doctor, Mikey's bag full of medication, taking out a couple of tubs he knew we're Gerard's.
"Alright." The Doctor noted, reading through the various bottles. "That's a lot of medication - we'll work around it. Come through." He said, beginning to walk. Gerard carried Mikey carefully through to a small check up room. Frank followed close behind, gulping, worried.
"Will he, be okay?" He asked, softly, almost a whisper,
"I don't know until I get a better look." The Doctor replied, allowing Gerard to lay Mikey down on the check up table."What's his name?" He asked, softly.
"Uh - M-Mikey." Gerard trembled, standing back.
"Mikey, I'm going to have to remove your shirt, alright?" The Doctor said outloud, aware that Mikey couldn't hear. With a little help from Gerard, he hitched the shirt off of Mikey. Frank was shocked at the bones and the lack of fat covering Mikey's torso, he got a little more worried, so he huddled against Gerard's side. Gerard made a small, aching noise, as his heart dropped a little in his chest. A large, swelling blue and red bruise had settled on Mikey's side, which Mikey winced at every time it was touched. It ached Gerard to know that he had caused this - it ached him to know that Mikey had been moving around like this, not saying a word. His skin was pale, grey and frail, each rib prominent under the white light. Frank looked up at him, mouthing.
"You okay?" He asked, apprehensive, sighing. Gerard shook his head, biting down on his lip and swallowing down his tears.
"There's some internal bleeding, I think," He said worriedly. "You're not gonna like this."
"Just say it," Frank said, more bluntly then he would of liked to, as he felt his heart pounding in his chest,
"I'm going to have to operate, I think. He might have a broken rib, but that isn't a concern right now." The Doctor left the room for a second, calling for more doctors. "Do you have insurance?" He asked, as other Doctor's entered with a gurney. Frank looked up at Gerard, unknowing how to answer. He started to calm down, but he knew that Gerard would be panicking on the inside, just not showing it.
"Yeah." Gerard replied, ignoring the Doctor, clasping his hands tightly around Mikey's. "How long is this gonna last?" He blurted, tears escaping him.
"The operation.. 3 to four hours, but then, he will have to rest in hospital for a couple of days. It would be best if you said your good byes now, go get some sleep at the hotel up the road, then we will call you tomorrow, when you can visit him." The Doctor spoke abruptly, washing his hands.
Gerard croaked, his hands still clinging to Mikey. He bent down, shaky hands clasping Mikey's cheeks. He pressed his lips against his forehead, sobbing. "I love you Mikey." He mumbled, letting Frank drag him away. Frank took Gerard's hand, pulling him slowly from Mikey.
"C'mon, we have to listen to the Doctor, Gee, he will be much better in the morning." He smiled, trying to reassure him. Gerard nodded feebly, taking Mikey's bag, with the money in. He slung it over his shoulder and clung his hands around Frank's, staying silent as they walked quickly from the hospital.
still enjoying? c:
r&r, it makes me want to post more chapters c: