FicWad

CHAPTER 21: TOO STRONG TO RESIST
April 22, 2008
Landover, Maryland

Brian, Danny, and Martin sat backstage drinking with groupies after the show. Each night it became one big party after a show. It would start the second they stepped off stage. They would become swarmed with people shoving liquor and drugs at them. Things would escalate rapidly from there. Clothes would come off and get eternally and forever lost. Bodily fluids of many assortments would find a way to spill from them in one form or another. They did things they would normally never dream of doing. They were encouraged to behave badly. With the right amount of toxins the bad always found its way out. It was debauchery at its finest.
There were about 7 groupies whose faces they had recognized from show to show. For the most part they were attractive girls, but their sheer lack of morals hid that. To the guys these girls were like a bottle of water or a towel to wipe sweat away, something you need, but dont put thought into because its so easy to get.
The sluttiest of the 7 girls was a little short strawberry blonde named Tiffany. There was nothing this girl wouldnt say no to, even if it was downgrading to her. Another one called herself Sage, she appeared to be Latino. She never said alot but she more than made up for it with action. Danny seemed to favor her. Madison had caution yellow hair and a nice body covered in tattoos. She seemed to have a helpful nature. Brian usually seemed to go for her. The one with the most ambition to marry a rock star was a bleach blonde named Heather. She liked Meth.
There was one who wasnt very sexual with them, but she was like a walking drugstore. She seemed to have connections in every city they went to. Her name was Katrina, but they quickly nicknamed her Dr. Kitty. Then there were the sisters, Nina and Tina. They were a year apart, nina being the older of the two. Nina had a way of managing to worm the guys way out of trouble with stadium managers and hotel staff when their fun would get out of hand. If they smashed up a hotel, or destroyed a locker room, or trashed anything else, she would handle the repercussions for them. She probably just slept with them. Her sister Tina was rather spaced out most of the time and merely floated in the breeze. Unbeknownst to everyone except Nina, Tina was a heroin addict. The two sisters had inherited a fortune from their grandfather, so they traveled and latched themselves to rock stars for a good time.

Brian looked up from a line of cocaine to see Madison's caution yellow hair. She sat a beer down in front of him with a smile.
"Oh...thanks," He sniffed. He glanced over to his right at Martin grabbing the edge of the table with white knuckles. He was biting his lower lip and not paying much attention to what was going on around him. Brian smiled to him coyly. "Whatcha got under there?" He motioned under the table.
"Shut up dude," Martin snapped, "Im concentrating." He then closed his eyes.
"I might want some of that attention too," Brian frowned.
"I can fix that," Madison smiled lowering herself under the table. Brian glanced over to Danny who was oblivious, watching Heather and Tiffany making out, trying to get himself into the mix. Brian could feel Madison unzipping his pants under the table. He smiled and let himself get lost in his own little world.
Moments later Devin entered the room. He took one look at Brian and Martin with their heads laid back, eyes shut, and moaning, knowing precisely what was going on. On the other side of the room Danny sat with a topless girl on his lap and another one bent over kissing that one. White residue was all over the table top. Beer bottles sat everywhere. The room smelled hot and stale with alcohol, sex, and cigarettes. This was the normal scene every night now. Fame had come in with its sweet temptations and stolen all of them except him. He wasnt on that stage every night or in the magazines. He saw how things were quickly changing right before him.
Martin lifted his head with a grunt to see Devin staring at them. "Hey dude, whats up? You want some of this?" Martin asked motioning to some lines of coke laid out on the table.
"Uh...no," Devin shook his head, "in fact you guys should really start to slow it down some. You guys are high all the time...three or four girls each a night..."
"You want a girl dude? Weve got plenty," Brian piped up, "Hey, one of you girls take care of Dev!"
"No," Devin shyly smiled.
"Oh come on Dev, live it up dude," Martin said reaching under the table to zip up his pants. Devin could see a girl emerging from under the table.
"Oh come on, you never hang with us anymore...just relax, get laid," Brian smiled getting lost in what the yellow haired Madison was doing to him under the table.
"This isnt hanging out man...this is an overindulgence of fame. Do you have any idea what kind of destruction costs you are racking up with your so called fun? Destroyed hotel rooms...destroyed stadiums...destroyed clubs...thousands of dollars worth on your own instruments alone...not to mention the road gear."
"Quit sounding like one of Havoc's corporate douches," Brian rolled his eyes, "Youre one of us."
About that time Nina came up to Devin and wrapped her arms around his neck. "You wanna play a gave with me?" She cooed to him.
Devin tried to ignore her as he gave a displeased look at Martin and Brian. "Are you guys so damn wasted you cant see?"
"Not too bad," Martin replied as he leaned over a line of coke.
"Have you guys heard one word Ive said?"
"Mmmmm Devin I want you so bad," Nina moaned loudly enough for them all to hear as her hands began exploring his body.
"She wants you dude," Brian smiled up at him. "Just take it man...this is what it was all for...This is the big payoff we always talked about."
Devin looked to Nina with her hands rubbing all down his thighs. She was pretty. It had been a really long time for him. Maybe a little fun in the midst of a circus wasnt such a bad thing. Yet, Devin was such a responsible person. He did a show and then he went to sleep. The guys were all living the whole rock star dream and seemed to be having a blast. Maybe he did need to lighten up.
"This wasnt my payoff. This is your dream dude. I just came to blow shit up."
"Stop acting like the corporate enemy and just have some random sex," Martin smirked wiping his nose.
"I see no appropriate place for trying to be romantic," Devin spoke wanting to wrap an arm around Nina who was trying very hard to distract him.
"Anywhere is the place for it dude," Brian gleamed motioning under the table. "Have a seat, Nina will crawl under there for you."
Devin sighed, "The bus leaves in an hour."
"Like its gonna take that long," Martin huffed still playing in the coke.
Devin looked at Nina who was smiling at him with a broad 'come and get it' stare.
"Come on," she smiled to him as she began to tug him away by the hand. He gave in finally.
"OH! Go Dev!" Martin laughed in amusement.

D's eyes fluttered and opened. It was dark. She thought she heard someone saying her name. It was Jim Hay. She lift her head but could only make out tiny beams of light shining through what appeared to be a large cracked door. She could hear the sound of a vehicle coming to a halt fairly close. She sat up and extended her hand over to the door and pushed. It creaked open. She immediately saw Jim Jay standing there with a concerned look plastered to his face.
"Come on Miss D, let me take you back to the bus now."
D tried to focus her eyes. She could see a limo and Seth was getting out of it. D knew he had been out with those trampy twins again tonight. She tried to concentrate and try to remember where she was. And what had she been doing?
Seth's gaze couldnt help but fall on D. She looked so out of it. He walked over to her with Javier a few paces behind him.
"She a'ite?" He asked Jim Jay as he began scanning their surroundings. He knew she had to be out of her mind on Xanax. She was in the back of an equipment truck surrounded by lights and stage gear. Seth could tell from one glance that she had recently disrobed and tried to redress. Her bra was on the floor of the truck beside her, her shirt was inside out, and her shorts were unzipped.
"Mmmmm...fine," D slurred.
"Ya's partyin kinda hard D," Seth spoke softly as he watched her trying to slide out of the back of the truck.
"No more than you," she huffed.
Seth only looked down, not wanting to see the dirt that was all over her. "It be differ'nt for guys," he sighed. "Guys take advantage a girls when you's gets like dis. Ya even know where you's is? Do ya even know who you's jus..." His words trailed off.
"What do you care?" D mumbled as she rose to her feet staggering. Jim Jay tried to support her as she stood.
"You's know I care," Seth said quietly staring at her in agony. He hated seeing her like this. He hated knowing that she would put herself in a situation like this. "I'sll take 'er dawg," He said to Jim Jay as he put his arm around her waist to support her.
"Im not so shure I do," she mumbled as a tear rolled from the corner of her eye and down her cheek.
"Come on," Seth nudged her forward.
"Que' haras?" Javier asked Seth.
"Ya lo entendia," Seth sighed as they began to walk.
"Where are you taking me?" D asked hoarsely.
"To a showa, Seth sighed, "da bus leaves in a hour, they's aint locked up da stadium yet."
"I dont want to shower," she muttered as she practically let him carry her.
"No Miss D, but you need one," Jim Jay said as he and Javier walked behind them.
Seth glanced down to the dirt on her knees, arms, and face. He knew some jerk had probably had one hell of a time with her, rolling her around on a dirty equipment truck. "We gots ta clean you's up...you's cova'd in dirt D."
D looked to her arm seeing the dirt all over her. Feelings of embarrassment began surfacing. She knew Seth could figure out how she got so dirty and why she was passed out on an equipment truck. She felt shameful. Seth got her to a locker room inside the stadium. Javier and Jim Jay waited outside the shower room as Seth took D inside. He held on to her, still stabalizing her as he turned on the shower with his other hand.
"Can ya's get undress'd?" He asked as he propped her against the wall and pulled his own shirt over his head and tossed it onto the floor.
"Why are you undressing?" D murmered, barely able to hold her eyes open.
He looked at her, "You's caint even stands up D...I's aint wantin you's ta gets hurt," he said holding her to the wall with one hand and unlacing his boots with the other. His chest and head were still reeling from the Van Buren's extremely potent cut of coke.
D struggled to pull her own shirt over her head. It was then that she noticed she had lost her bra somewhere. She stumbled, almost falling. Seth quickly swooped her into his arms.
"I got you's," he whispered catching a whiff of her hair.
He held her with one arm and used the other to begin shoving her clothes off of her hips. His eyes met with hers. They were but mere tiny parted slits. He knew this was the most screwed up he had ever seen her. He looked to her slightly parted lips wanting despirately to kiss them. He used his free hand to shove off the rest of his own clothes. He still wanted her as bad as he always had. He helped her into the shower and got in with her. The warm water spray down over them. Seth grabbed some soap on a roap and rubbed it briskly over his hand until it lathered. It was the only thing available. He applied the lather to D's arm and began washing away the dirt.
He looked at her face and could see that she was crying. Her makeup was smudged and smeared. Seth rinsed his hand off and re-lathered it with fresh soap. "Close ya eyes," he whispered to her. His sudsy fingertips began to cross her forehead and cheek. All he wanted was her. And D was aching for him too. She had missed him so much in the last weeks. Her love for him was agony. She hated the forced seperation between them. She placed her hand on his bicep to balance herself. Seth began washing the smeared mascara and lipstick from her face.
Tears continued to stream from D's eyes as she tried to contain her wimpers. It just all hurt so much. None of it was fair. Seth wrapped both arms around her and hugged her tightly to him. "Shhhh," he softly whispered into her ear wanting to cry himself. This was all equally hard on him too. He moved away to look at her, his thumb gliding lightly across her cheek. He didnt want her to cry. He ran his thumb lightly across her lips. D could feel the jagged skin on the side of his thumb that had been sliced apart by guitar strings. D had missed those scratchy fingertips and had longed for them back. She could see him staring longingly at her lips.
"S...S...Seth," she almost stuttered. There was so much she wanted to say. She wanted to tell him how much she cared about him. She wanted to tell him that being apart from him killed her a little more every day. She wanted him to know that she wanted none of this. She just wanted things to be like they had been.
Seth lightly shook his head, wanting her to just be quiet. He pulled her close and rested his forehead on hers with a sigh. He listened as her sobs began involuntarily flowing out of her again. All he could do was hold her and let her cry. He closed his eyes trying to fight off tears of his own. This was all his fault. If he would have told Havoc to go to hell she wouldnt be crying about screwing some guy on a filthy truck. He lift her chin up slowly and peered into her sedated eyes. He pressed his lips to hers. He just couldnt fight the urge any longer. He needed D the same way he needed air to breathe. She made him happy. He missed everything about her, her eyes, her skin, her smile, the apple scent of her hair...God how he had missed this.
D gladly gave in to the feel of his kiss. She knew they werent supposed to be doing this anymore. Seth had made the choice to do as Havoc wished. Why was he doing this now? Was this him changing his mind? D was so confused, yet she couldnt resist his lips or his touch. She was turned into butter and cast under a spell by them. She wanted him bad.
Seth drew his breath in and kissed her more deeply, his hands gripping at her bare wet skin. He felt adrenaline building up inside of him. He wanted her. He needed her. D held on to him with a death grip, she was afraid that if she blinked he would suddenly be gone. This was the reason for the Xanax, to forget this feeling. Seth was the only thing that made her feel anything.
Seth lift her feet off the floor and pressed her back into the shower wall kissing her like it was the very first time all over again. How could he be naked and alone in a shower with her and not touch her? No man could resist an urge like that. Seth pulled at the backs of her thighs and lift her legs to wrap around his waist. D held on to his neck and shoulders. Seth paused, looking into her eyes. He knew this was what she wanted too. He looked at her lips and kissed them again as the water spray down his back. D threw her head back as his lips traveled to her neck and shoulders. She needed Seth to even feel alive. He was the only thing her mind, heart, body, and soul wanted. She was so completely in love with him. Why couldnt he feel the same?
She knew she meant something to him, but what? What was she to him? Even though Havoc had separated them and basically forced them to date other people, the look in his eyes hadnt changed. He still looked at her with that same look of awe he had always had. She had no clue what it meant, but obviously he hadnt forgotten all about her. For some reason he seemed to be holding on. Thats what she wanted too but she feared she was on the verge of giving up. She needed a shred of hope to cling to.

May 23, 2008
Atlanta, Georgia

They brought the house down. They had the next three days off and were being put up at a plush hotel in Downtown Atlanta. It had been a while since they had got to stay at a hotel so they were all looking forward to it. The normal antics of the after show festivities followed. It had always been hard to break away from the party. It was a chance for indulgence of every kind. These days they were all about indulgence. They all drank too much, snorted coke around the clock, didnt sleep enough, didnt eat enough, and tagged everything they could.

D sat in front of a mirror with tweezers in her hand pulling off tiny rhinestones from around her eyes. She could hear the door creaking open behind her. She then saw Seth's head poking in. A smile couldnt help but cross her face.
"You were great tonight," she smiled at him in the mirror. He glanced over his shoulder to make sure no one was watching him or could see him with D. He stretched up and grabbed the door frame showing off his sexy shirtless structure.
He only stood silently, watching D with an odd look on his face. D couldnt help but wonder why he was looking at her like that. In the last months they seemed to speak less and less trying to go along with the whole facade that Havoc wanted. They had come to spend so much time apart that it was confusing when they were together. They were always happy and thankful to grab a few moments of privacy. It may be no more than a loving glance, a stolen kiss, a stroke, or just a smile, but it kept them holding on. It never was enough, but it was all they could get and they cherished it. They never took one moment for granted or let it be wasted. Their bodies yearned for one another. It had been a month since they had had a chance to feel each others bare flesh pressed together. The random sex with nameless random people couldnt begin to compensate. They needed each other.
"Whats up?" D asked as she continued removing rhinestones.
Seth let out a deep sigh. "We's been bustin our asses...doin what they's say jus ta get dis papah...an we's neva gets ta spend it."
"Yeah," she shrugged, "so go buy something then. Go buy a car or some rapper chain."
Seth slightly shook his head, "Aint what I's had in mind really."
"Oh?" She asked focusing on her rhinestone removal.
"Yeah," he said as a smile came to his face.
D looked at his beautiful brilliant glinting smile in the mirror wondering what was on his mind. "Well?" She impatiently asked.
"We's gots 3 day off," he spoke as he studied her, "e'erbody gone be stayin heres in Atlanta."
"Yeah," she shrugged not really seeing where he was going with this.
"It dont mean we's gots ta stay in Atlanta," he smiled twisting his lips into that undeniable half grin. He knew that smile was his trump card.
D turned around to look at him directly. "What are you getting at?" She asked.
"Ya's wants ta take a lil trip wit me?" He asked with that pleading smile she could never say no to.
"A trip?" She quizzed, "A trip where?"
"Who care," he shrugged, "jus outta here."
D looked at him as if he were insane. "Are you serious?"
"Yeah," he nodded looking down, "whereva you's want."
She sighed and turned to face the mirror again, "Like no one would notice we're gone.
"I's aint carin if they's know D...I jus wants ta..." He paused and shook his head, "I's miss hangin out."
"You know the press would follow us."
"Not iffin theys caint recognize us. Come on D...dont you's wants ta get outta 'ere for a few...wit me?" He asked hopeful, still begging with that smile. "Aint you's sick a interviews, an pictas, an fans, an ridin on a bus...jus come wit me."
"I would love to Seth, it all sounds great and all...but I just dont think it can happen," she frowned.
"Yeah it can!" He said crossing over to her, "Come on...jus say yes if ya's my numba one girl," he knelt over and lightly kissed her shoulder, "I'sll makes da 'rangements."
D examined his reflection in the mirror, "You sure about this?"
He nodded looking down at the black highlights in her blonde hair. "I wants ta be wit you's...an I's caint be doin dat 'ere."
A slight warm smile came to D's face as she looked up at him. Spending any time completely alone with him sounded like pure heaven. How could she say no to his offer or to his devils smile? It had been a month, a whole month without so much as a stolen kiss. "Ok," she nodded.
"Word?" Seth asked seeming surprised, "A'ite," he nodded seeming so happy. "Is gone go an pack, make some calls...I'sa holla in a few." He wasted no time and quickly scurried off to make all the arrangements.

May 24, 2008
Atlanta, Georgia

Brian was awakened by a loud and persistant knock at his hotel room door. He tried to ignore it in the hopes that it would simply go away, but it wasnt. They just kept beating like the cops. He sighed and sat up in the bed. He noticed the yellow haired groupie, Madison, asleep on his bed. He rubbed his eyes and rose to his feet. He crossed to the door and opened it. It was their manager, Susan, looking highly agitated.
"Susan...whats up?" He asked squinting his eyes at the bright light in the hallway.
"Do you know where your front man is? He had an interview with Rock Press this morning and hes not answering his phone. Hes not in his room. Security has no clue where he is. His assistant knows nothing, please tell me you do."
"No," he yawned, "aint seen him since last night. Go try D's room," he rolled his eyes.
"Shes missing too," Susan sighed, "theyre obviously together."
"Dont worry about it, they'll be back in time for the Birmingham show."
"Do you not get it!?" Susan snapped, "They cant be together!"
"Why?" He shrugged.
"Because havoc wants it to be onstage only. They have gone to alot of trouble to create the hype over Faithless. Everyone has their roles to play...their role is to stay apart."
Brian shook his head, "Thats not right...they cant control their lives like that."
"Dont be stupid...when enough cash is at stake you can control everything."

May 24, 2008
Savannah, Georgia

D's eyes opened to sunbeams shining through white lace curtains. She sat up on her elbow and scanned the room. She soon felt Seth's hand on her hip, followed by his lips gently kissing her on the shoulder.
"Where ya's goin?" He drowisly asked. "We's aint gots nowhere ta be an nothin ta do."
D smiled and sighed in genuine relief as she resettled on her pillow with Seth's arm across her. She felt so perfectly content and at ease in his perfectly accepting arms. It all felt real. Last night had been great. They drove for hours and came across an old plantation house that was a bed and breakfast, just outside of Savannah They had managed to sneak out of Atlanta in disguise and a rented Camry. They had turned their phones off to avoid being disturbed. It was strangely comforting being in hiding. They felt like outlaws. It was an excitement that only added to what they already felt by being alone together.
"What do you want to do today?" D asked with a smile.
"Mmmmm...sleep," Seth mumbled. D knew he needed some sleep. Seth was probably only sleeping two or three nights a week. Sleep was a precious luxury they both greatly missed. D had no problem with catching up on some sleep. She intertwined her fingers into Seth's. Nothing mattered beyond that room anyway.
She nestled in closer to him. "Say something to me in spanish."
He slightly smiled, "Why, ya caint undastand it?"
"You make it sound sooo sexy," she purred.
He drew his breath in and thought of what to say. He exhaled slowly and began letting the words flow out in a seductive whisper. "Te ves bien. Estar conmingo. Que' date conminga." The words sounded like beautiful music the way they rolled off his tounge.
"Mmmmm...whats it mean?" She smiled.
"You look great. I want you. Be with me," he softly answered as he glided his scratchy fingertips down her thigh. "I's miss dis," he said in a softer monotone.
"Me too," she agreed. "I wish we didnt have to go back tomorrow."
He let out a little grumble. He didnt want to go back either. "It aint gone be like dis foreva D."
"I know," she said trying to convince herself, but deep down she wasnt so sure.
Sometimes it really didnt seem like he was missing her at all when he was screwing groupies or real estate heiresses. When he was onstage he tried to flirt with every female in the audience he could. Then he would walk off the stage to one drug fuled orgy after another. It didnt look like anyone was having to twist his arm. It didnt appear to be against his will, he looked quite into it. No matter how many time he told her they meant nothing, he still never quite fully told her that she did. There were days when she thought it was all just some game he played with her. At times she hated herself so much for not being able to not love him. But all it ever took was one smile, one look, and it all melted away as if it never mattered. She wished she could resist him. She knew she allowed this situation to carry on because she wasnt strong enough to tell him no.
But then, there were the times like this, the perfect moments in which time seemed to stop. Times like this didnt happen nearly enough, but when they did, it made the whole crazy charade worth it. When they had a chance to be together like this D saw something she knew she needed. She would feel him loving her in his own way, even if he didnt know how to express it.
Seth took notice of the look on her face. He could tell she was thinking about everything. He wanted her to feel better. He could see that she was hurting too. "Wuz up?" He asked her tenderly.
She only meekly smiled and shook her head, "Im ok." She looked up at him. The look of concern on his face seemed so genuine. A part of him had to truly care. He wouldnt go to so much trouble if he didnt, right? "Seth," she sighed and looked to the wall, "its hard to keep doing this.
His forehead creased a little. "What you's mean?" He cautiously asked.
"This..." she said softly, "us...whatever us is anymore."
Seth didnt know the nature of their relationship anymore than she did. What had they become? Even better, what had they been?
D looked back to him, "How...how would it be between us if Havoc never said anything?"
He looked down at the outline of her naked body under a silk sheet. "It'd be likes dis...ya know?"
"Thats not what Im saying," she whispered.
"Well," he sighed, "she's wud have ta be pretty amazin ta tame dees tomcat ways." He looked at her and winked. His eyes studied her lips. "You's dat amazin?" He softly asked as his smile faded and he concentrated on the cool blueness of her eyes.
She sadly glanced away and shrugged, "Guess we will never know."
"Shhh," he shook his head studying her so closely, "dont say dat." He lightly kissed her.
"Bein in dis band dont gives none of us da freedom ta maintain shit. Who wants ta be wit somebody ya neva see? But...you's an me...we gots each otha and we's undastand dis life we got."
D nodded with a soft smile. In her heart she knew she meant something to him, even though she may never know the extent of it. Something always drew him back to her. She knew him well enough to know he wasnt one for familiarity. He went through girls like socks and underwear. Just the fact that he kept coming back told her there was something there for him too. There had to be, right?
He looked to her for a long moment with one of those expressions she couldnt read. It was eventually replaced by something else, something that resembled shyness. "For da record..." his eyes floated all over the place, "yous is dat amazin."

Seth and D had to take alot of heat for running off for three days. Havoc fined them each five grand. Luckily they were never picked up by paparazzi, otherwise they would have been in alot more trouble. Havoc was now preparing to take whatever steps they could to keep them apart. They began making sure they were no longer in joint interviews or photo shoots. They had people watching them closely at all times. They made it to where the only time their paths crossed was on the bus or on the stage. They even started pairing them up on blind dates with other celebrities. They sat D up on several dated, one being with David Lynx, singer of the top 40 band Lynx. He was nice enough, but D just wasnt into him. None of them were Seth. She found him to be extremely boring, but she dated him until Havoc came up with someone new for her. He was some hot shot Irish actor named Schylus O'Neary.
Seth remained in the tabloids sporadically with the wild Van Buren twins. He really couldnt handle the all out incest they tried to inflict on him. Still he did his best to play his part. He and the twins were often thrown out of clubs, causing scenes, or getting into trouble with the cops. Havoc was usually able to pay them off before he ever had to be booked. There was one time that he urinated on a cops boots that they were unable to keep him from a jail cell. Eventually they just stopped trying and let him lie in the bed he made.
Seth didnt even care. Without D life had turned upside down. He was only going through the motions every day. He was acting out like a rebellious child. Maybe in his mind he thought that if he was bad enough they would just let him be with D. But how much would it take? Could he go the distance with them? Could he ever get back to D?