Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Forever Trying to Find you
11/21/1999 - 3:47pm
Dear Gerard,
I really hate starting these off the same. But everything else seems too formal or just weird.
How's it going where ever you are? Are they treating you well? I don't blame you for missing my birthday. I would have missed it too if it weren't for my mom reminding me.
I visited Mikey the other day, he is doing well, so is your mom, she hugged me and cried a little. Mikey just kinda sat there. He doesn't seem to think you're coming back. We talked for a little while, but when I told him you were gonna be back, he yelled at me and kicked me out. I thought that little skinny fucker was gonna actually hit me.
Remember how we used to play wrestle, and Mikey would always try those sneaky shots we learnt from watching all those WWE shows. I still have the scar from when he tried hitting me with the chair. But of course you'd remember that, you used to always sit there and rub it when you played with my hair.
Mom is getting more and more worried about me. She says I don't eat properly any more, I just miss your burnt pancakes and Mikeys insane ability to somehow manage to get the pop tarts stuck in the toaster. Do you remember the time he took the heater into the shower with him, god he scared you big time. I thought you were gonna have an aneurysm or something.
I really hope you come back before winter break starts, we can have our weekend horror movie marathons again. And I swear this time, I'll bring the weed. We can sit in your room and just cuddle. I miss your hugs Gee, and I miss the way you would wrap me up in that doona and snuggle in next to me.
Tomorrow is our first anniversary. I want you to come back for that, but judging by how long you've been gone, I don't think that's going to happen. But when you do come back we can celebrate with dinner at that little diner in town that you like.
I've been trying to get back to work, but every time I call, they tell me to take just a little more time off. Joe said with school and everything that's been happening that I deserve 'as much time off as I want.' But I just want to get back into it you know. It's boring just sitting around at home, waiting for you to call or write or just something.
Mikey hasn't been back to school, people keep asking me about him. They send their condolences via me, but I don't know why. You're gonna be back.
About a week ago I took the train to New York, I took your photo with me and asked around. But no one had seen you. I went everywhere, I even trekked through that old forest where you used to go.
I've been having these nightmares every night, you're in them. Well actually you're the main feature of them. I keep on finding you, lying in your bed, empty bottles of booze surrounding you and your arms. Oh god your arms Gerard, there was blood everywhere.
I haven't told anyone about these nightmares, they might lock me away somewhere. And I heard my shrink talking to my mom, he says I'm in denial. I don't know what about. The last time I had to see a shrink was when my dad left. And she didn't think anything was wrong with me.
You said I was the most perfect person in existence. You'd hold me in your arms and whisper sweet nothings to me.
I really miss those times Gerard.
Yours forever,
Frankie x
Dear Gerard,
I really hate starting these off the same. But everything else seems too formal or just weird.
How's it going where ever you are? Are they treating you well? I don't blame you for missing my birthday. I would have missed it too if it weren't for my mom reminding me.
I visited Mikey the other day, he is doing well, so is your mom, she hugged me and cried a little. Mikey just kinda sat there. He doesn't seem to think you're coming back. We talked for a little while, but when I told him you were gonna be back, he yelled at me and kicked me out. I thought that little skinny fucker was gonna actually hit me.
Remember how we used to play wrestle, and Mikey would always try those sneaky shots we learnt from watching all those WWE shows. I still have the scar from when he tried hitting me with the chair. But of course you'd remember that, you used to always sit there and rub it when you played with my hair.
Mom is getting more and more worried about me. She says I don't eat properly any more, I just miss your burnt pancakes and Mikeys insane ability to somehow manage to get the pop tarts stuck in the toaster. Do you remember the time he took the heater into the shower with him, god he scared you big time. I thought you were gonna have an aneurysm or something.
I really hope you come back before winter break starts, we can have our weekend horror movie marathons again. And I swear this time, I'll bring the weed. We can sit in your room and just cuddle. I miss your hugs Gee, and I miss the way you would wrap me up in that doona and snuggle in next to me.
Tomorrow is our first anniversary. I want you to come back for that, but judging by how long you've been gone, I don't think that's going to happen. But when you do come back we can celebrate with dinner at that little diner in town that you like.
I've been trying to get back to work, but every time I call, they tell me to take just a little more time off. Joe said with school and everything that's been happening that I deserve 'as much time off as I want.' But I just want to get back into it you know. It's boring just sitting around at home, waiting for you to call or write or just something.
Mikey hasn't been back to school, people keep asking me about him. They send their condolences via me, but I don't know why. You're gonna be back.
About a week ago I took the train to New York, I took your photo with me and asked around. But no one had seen you. I went everywhere, I even trekked through that old forest where you used to go.
I've been having these nightmares every night, you're in them. Well actually you're the main feature of them. I keep on finding you, lying in your bed, empty bottles of booze surrounding you and your arms. Oh god your arms Gerard, there was blood everywhere.
I haven't told anyone about these nightmares, they might lock me away somewhere. And I heard my shrink talking to my mom, he says I'm in denial. I don't know what about. The last time I had to see a shrink was when my dad left. And she didn't think anything was wrong with me.
You said I was the most perfect person in existence. You'd hold me in your arms and whisper sweet nothings to me.
I really miss those times Gerard.
Yours forever,
Frankie x
Sign up to rate and review this story