Categories > Original > Sci-Fi
(#) Bitter-Irony 2006-10-18This viewpoint character is excellent--the reader sympathizes with her immediately. Most of your exposition fit in naturally (the second paragrpah squeeze a little bit), and the interactions between your characters were excellent. You missed a few comas, mostly in dialouge. Ex: "What's wrong[,] my friend?" Other than that, I didn't catch any grammar errors.
Keep up the good work!
Author's responseThank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'll try and fix the errors you pionted out.
- I like Scott, however I find a race of supposed wiser and peaceful race bristling with anger at a slight of pride, being called Homo Salutor, as a plothole. Someone wise could see that the reporter had no ill intent in using that word and I would suspect that after 25 years with a human girl or 23 years submersed in our culture that this wise race would be able to see that.
Anyway, Gladis Scott is a likeable and strong willed protagonist, I am very interested in how she responds to returning to a world she probably doesn't think of as home. There are a few spelling mistakes here and there but nothing substantial. Good luck with your future chapters.
Author's responseI would like to point out that it is the main character, a human, who is evaluating the way humanity is treating these visitors.
Thank you for your review and I'm trying to get the next chapter finished soon, can't garantee anything though.
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