Searching for a reason.
(#) pixied_secrets 2006-11-12 12:16:37 PM"Feelings that manifested themselves as salty teardrops." - very well written, you could have used anything, but you chose this sequence of words, and it is the kind of sentence that sticks in the brain.
no complaints...this whole chapter is very well written. going through pete's emotions as he tries to find a reason as to why he's imprisoned, and who it could be, helps the reader to question the reasons as well, and rule out other possible suspects.
the cliffhanger that you ended the chapter on is pure genius...the kind of thing that makes this story addictive.
oh, and your use of "turgid" made me feel like a proud parent. ha
Author's responseThank you so much for stating your appreciation for that sentence because actually I did rewrite it a couple of times becase I was never satisfied with the grammatical construction I chose. The "salty teardrops" sounds a bit cliché to me but it isn´t a cliché for nothing. It´s true. The cliffhanger is of similiar cliché status but I thought it would work and keep readers interested. Before I had "turgid" it said "puffy". Honestly, Pete´s supposed to come off as the person who actually writes the FOB lyrics so "puffy" was a bit vague and blah, "turgid" is just perfect. Of course, he also says (/thinks) stuff like "twisted motherfuckers". Hey, you can´t win them all...
(#) MusicxisxHearts 2006-11-12 04:20:37 PMI have to say that I really love this story. I like reading crazy science fiction stuff, so this is just awesome.
Author's responseWell, THANK YOU for those reviews. :) I hope this story really deserves the label "sci-fi", I would have rather had "supernatural". But hey, at least it tricked you into reading this story. ;) You are very awesome yourself.
(#) luckysgc921 2006-11-12 08:53:20 PMpetey sure does think highly of himself huh?
couldn't possibly be just some random psycho?
...yea I don't believe it either. lol
great chapter. its getting more and more intriging with every post.
Author's responseHere Pete is quite egotistical and most of his thoughts circle just around himself. It was about time he got locked up to think things through. It will teach him a lesson. Yes, the author of this story IS just some random psycho. ;) I surely hope so. I will update soon. Love you for your review!
(#) whatkatydid 2006-11-13 08:30:36 AMHello Plonker I love you??
Here's my highlights, I am completely un-intoxicated so may lack the typos and stupidity of normal plonk induced reviews:
I loved the description of him pulling on the door, it was vivid and I really pictured the environment he was in.
I have to let you into a dirty secret - I hate the phrase, crossed my legs Indian style, it just doesn't flow for me but meh! don't listen to me, I'm over dramatic and flippant. Ignore me.
I enjoyed reading his analyzing of possible reasons why he's there. I get the vibe there is a shallowness ot his life and that Pete wasn't at a happy place in his life. Interesing, esepcially if it's completely not like this at all! (",)
This plot has no sense of time, it's interesting how you've done this because there's no contact with the outside world, no sense of day, night, morning, evening etc etc. It binds a pretty intense ambience to the vibe.
I'll never give up on you or your writing.
P.S Is it wrong that deep down, I wish it to be the FicWad girls who have captured him?? Mehehehehe
Author's responseHello, Plonkstress! Yeah, the Indian style thing is not my fav phrase either but at least I didn´t type "no can do", right? ;) You´re an awesome reader, Katy. His life IS shallow and he WASN´T at a happy place in his life. Thank you for getting that. :)))) Ah, you make me so happy it borders on lesbianism. No, Greta, noone was calling your name. Go away! About the time... It did pose a big problem to me. But I´ve solved it (see next chapter which will be up very soon). P.S.: Yes. But who cares if it´s wrong. ;) Love you!