Bob Bryar is sick and tired of being the least popular MCR member, so with the help of two other Bobs, they set out to bring justice to the name BOB!
Chapter One: Starbucks and the Other Bobs
Bob Bryar was sick. He didn't have the flu or anything, he was just SICK. He was sick of Gerard's nasty banana bread, Mikey's nasty rotten dishwasher smell, Ray's nasty puffball hair, and Frankie's nasty habit of clipping his toenails on Bob's bed. He was sick of cleaning up after Mikey's "dog," and he was sick of burning! But most of all, Bob Bryar was sick of being the least popular My Chemical Romance member.
The four My Chemical Romance HOTTIES... and Bob... had stepped into a Starbucks one day because Gerard was having another one of his coffee binges, when Gerard, Mikey, Frankie, and Ray's Hair all got mauled by undeserving fans. Bob had simply ordered his double caramel mocha frappuccino with extra whipped cream and sat down at a vacant table, but none of the others could even move! Sucks for them, Bob thought, when suddenly he noticed multiple fans buying Gerard coffee, and the Starbucks employees throwing drinks at the important band members in a friendly fashion! That wasn't fair! He was a MCR member too and nobody gave him free coffee! This certainly pissed Bob off because although it was scalding Frankie and everyone else to a certain degree, nobody had bothered to throw coffee at HIM! He had had to BUY IT. LIKE HE HAD MONEY TO SPARE ON SILLY THINGS LIKE COFFEE JUST BECAUSE GERARD'S THERAPIST WAS OFF FOR THE WEEK!
"I'M PISSED!" Bob hollered, but nobody heard him because the twelve-year-old fans screaming "OMG GERARD I LOVE YOU YOU'RE SO HOT I WANT TO MARRY YOU AND HAVE TWELVE KIDS" simultaneously was FAR too loud to hear BOB over. After all, he's just BOB.
In an angry fashion, Bob tossed his double caramel mocha frappuccino with extra whipped cream at Gerard, who caught it and thanked him kindly like the little cutie he is while he drank it, as Bob stormed out of the store.
Bob sat down on the curb huffily. How was he going to get ANYONE to notice him?
"Hey there stranger! What a nice day we're having!"
Bob looked up to see a yellow rectangle wearing pants and some old guy sit down next to him. "Who the fuck are you?" he asked in his POLITE voice.
"I'm SpongeBob SquarePants!" the yellow rectangle chirped. "And this is my friend Bob Dole!"
"Now, now, SpongeBob. Bob Dole can introduce himself," Bob Dole glared at the sponge. "Bob Dole is Bob Dole."
"...right," the Bob we like the most out of those three Bobs sighed. "Look, I don't know what you're doing, but leave me alone. I'm really pissed right now."
"We'll help ya, buddy!" SpongeBob decided with NO CONSENT FROM BOB DOLE.
"Bob Dole knows how you feel. See, Bob Dole knows what it's like to be pissed..." Bob Dole rambled off on a tangent I don't care to expand on.
"Why are you here?" Bob asked the stupid sponge.
"EH-GEH-GEH-GEH-GEH," SpongeBob laughed. Oops, I accidentally used the Popeye laugh instead of the SpongeBob laugh.
"AHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHA!" SpongeBob laughed, smacking Bob on his shoulder. Bob flinched. "You're FUNNY, BOB!"
"How do you know my name?" Bob demanded, standing up. "How did you even know I need help with something?"
SpongeBob shifted in his seat on the curb nervously. "Umm..."
"Bob Dole is an obsessive My Chem fan," Bob Dole informed them. "Bob is Bob Dole's favorite My Chem character."
"I'm not a character, I'm a goddamn person! And I'm pissed!" Bob pouted. After all, it's not like anyone was writing a STORY about him that he could be a CHARACTER in.
"Why are you pissed?" SpongeBob asked even though he somehow already knew why because INSERT REASON HERE.
"Because nobody even knows I exist! It's so unfair! The band would completely fall apart without me! But NO, I'm just the DRUMMER. It's not like I'm IMPORTANT. And I'm not even the original drummer! I was a replacement! A GODDAMN REPLACEMENT, SPONGEBOB! AND I'M NOT EVEN FROM NEW JERSEY! DO YOU KNOW HOW THAT MAKES ME FEEL?"
"Umm... shitty?" SpongeBob guessed.
Bob rested his head in his hands as he sat down again. "I just don't know what to do to get some attention around here. I mean, Gerard got free coffee and he has more money than I do!"
"I know what we should do!" SpongeBob shouted. He was about to suggest that they all be friends and go jellyfishing together or some stupid-ass reason like that, but EVIL SPONGEBOB took over. "KILL THEM," he shouted in a voice almost as guttural as Kagura's.
Sigh... what would we do without Kagura and her silly pig voice?
What he would have normally thought was a stupid-ass idea, this idea filled Bob's vengeful side with... VENGEANCE! If everyone was DEAD! (no pun intended), he could start his own band! Where he could be the singer and everyone would throw coffee at him the minute he entered Starbucks, and little girls who wished they were seventeen years older would drool over his picture, and best of all, HE WOULDN'T BURN!
"SpongeBob, you're a goddamn genius!" Bob shrieked, though SpongeBob already knew that. Uh, DUH. Didn't you see the episode where SpongeBob single-handedly destroys the whole town with a jar of jellyfish jelly? It was on the EVIL SPONGEBOB: XXX-RATED DVD that Mikey bought him last Christmas which Bob had destroyed without watching because he thought it was another one of those BOMBS Mikey disguised as DVDs. YOU KNOW THAT MIKEY. SUCH A VILLAIN, THAT MIKEY BOY. DISGUISING EVIL SPONGEBOB DVDS FOR ARSENAL. WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO WITH YOU, MIKEY?
"Bob Dole wants to know how you plan to do that," Bob-you guessed it-Dole asked Bob.
Thousands of evil thoughts filled Bob's brain, but where was he going to get a guillotine, a blood-thirsty werewolf boy, a poisoned chicken and gravy potpie, or a band of angry football players?
"...WITH A KNIFE!" he decided, because that was the only thing he could reasonably obtain.
"Oh no," EVIL SPONGEBOB glanced at the door and saw the popular members of My Chemical Romance exiting the Starbucks with multiple hot girls and free coffee. "We must leave. If you ever need us, just scream "GORILLA!" into your pillowcase and we'll come find you."
"Bob Dole wishes you good luck," Bob Dole wished Bob good luck as he and SpongeBob evaporated into air that was thin.
My Chemical Romance minus Bob didn't see Bob sitting on the curb because... well... nobody EVER sees Bob sitting on the curb, so Bob had to get up and follow his so-called friends back to the bus while Gerard continued drinking the double caramel mocha frappuccino with extra whipped cream Bob had thrown at him earlier. Bob entered the bus without a sound, plotting his evil deeds evilly.
End of chapter one.
I have nothing against Bob Bryar XD This story is completely Alternate Universe. I don't really think Bob wants to murder all his cute widdle friends just because they got free coffee and he didn't... Sorry to all the Bob fans out there... if any exist :X Just kidding. ^_^