The truth about Bob's feelings for banana bread come out over a game of rummy... TOO BAD THE BAND ALREADY FORGOT WHO BOB IS!
"Mikey," Gerard started as he set three Ace's on his side of the card table and set down a four of spades to complete his turn in the card game that was going on between he, Mikey, and Frankie. "What's the least commonly used letter in the alphabet?"
"Uhh..." Mikey stuttered as he set down a six of diamonds because that was the only move he had left. "X?"
"RUMMY!" Frankie shouted in a little kid voice, and picked up Mikey's six of diamonds and set it down on his side of the table because Gerard had put down three sixes a long time ago. "Isn't it Q?"
"No, because Q always comes before U, so then U would have the same amount of times used as Q," Mikey decided as he cleaned off the ADORABLE glasses that he doesn't use anymore. "How much do you think I could get if I sold my glasses on eBay?"
"Probably a crapload from some obsessive twelve-year-old," Gerard said. "Don't, though. Mom'll have a shit. But some words have U and not Q," he continued as Frankie finished his turn and he picked up nearly half of the discard pile just so he could have that two of clovers. "Like fuck."
"Duck," Frankie added.
"Stuck," Mikey put in.
"How about B? There's like, no words in the world that have a B in it, besides Bumble Bee," Gerard wondered as he sipped the last drops of his double caramel mocha frappuccino with extra whipped cream.
"'Besides' has a B," Ray and his hair informed them as he entered the room and supplied everyone with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, except for BOB, who had been sitting there the whole time UNNOTICED.
"Yeah, but I can't think of any other words that have B in it besides that," Gerard shrugged, taking a bite of his sandwich.
Bob has two B's in it... Bob thought to himself.
"How about... dumb?" Frankie suggested as he put his cards down FACE UP so he could pull off the crust because Ray had so RUDELY forgotten to cut it off for him.
"There's no B in dumb, dumbass," Gerard snapped.
"There's a B in Bob. Two, actually," Bob put in.
"Who are you?" Mikey asked and the three sitting around him turned to stare at Bob.
"You know this bus is off limits to fans," Ray told him.
"Bus has a B," Frankie said through a mouthful of bread, but he wasn't able to redeem himself after Gerard shot him down with that DUMB comment.
"So does bear," Mikey said.
"Perv," Gerard smirked simply.
"No, you are! I meant bear, like the animal, not B-A-R-E," Mikey pouted. He didn't like chunky peanut butter, so he was the only one who had been given one not eating his sandwich. Or sammich, as he and Rachael Ray might say.
"I'm Bob!" Bob shrieked. How could they forget that he had been sitting there the entire time?
"We don't care what your name is, man! You're not allowed on this bus. I'm sorry," Gerard actually did seem a little sorry. He hates having to break the news to fans that they're not allowed in the tour bus.
"I'm BOB! BOB BRYAR! I'M THE DRUMMER IN MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE?"
"Oh..." the other four MCR members sighed at the same time.
"I guess you can stay then," Gerard shrugged. "Rummy," he glared at Frankie, and Frankie was quite upset.
YOU GUESS? YOU GUESS IT'S OKAY FOR ME TO STAY? SINCE WHEN DO I NEED YOUR PERMISSION TO RIDE ON OUR TOUR BUS, GERARD? JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE SO HOT AND GOOD AT SINGING DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN BOSS ME AROUND!
That's what Bob WOULD'VE screamed at the top of his lungs, but his voice was still hoarse from the cold he had caught the week before. So he decided to sit there and say nothing while he enviously stared at the peanut butter and jelly sammich that Mikey wasn't going to eat.
"Frank, can you go check on that banana bread I have in the oven?" Gerard said a few minutes later as he shuffled the deck and passed out four piles of cards because Ray was playing Rummy with them now too.
Nobody had asked BOB if HE wanted to play, which he didn't. He wasn't going to play even if they did ask him!
They didn't, though, so he didn't have to worry.
"Banana has a B in it," Frankie pointed out as he stood up. "So does bread."
"Wouldja shut up, Frankie? We're done with that," Gerard sighed, though he had a cute little smile on his face.
Actually, any smile Gerard puts on his face is cute.
GAH! I HATE GERARD'S BANANA BREAD! Bob screamed internally. Really, it tasted like shit and laundry soap. Gerard REALLY didn't know how to cook, and Bob knew nobody else liked his dog shit bread either, but Gerard looked so happy when they were all eating it with straight faces that he CONTINUED MAKING IT OVER AND OVER AND OVER USING THE SAME RECIPE THAT REALLY SUCKED. BALLS.
And nobody had the heart to tell little Gee to get a new recipe or stop cooking at all.
So after everyone had had a peak at Frankie's cards because he had left the premises, Frankie FINALLY came back with Gerard's latest concoction. "It turned out such a pretty color this time!" Gee squealed with delete. He almost clapped his hands together like a little monkey but remembered that he was a grown man. And he remembered the torment that the thought of monkeys gave him.
R.I.P., THE BREAKFAST MONKEY!
Gerard began to cut it as the rest of the band (and Bob) remained completely silent, because they knew if they even so much as MOVED Gerard would get really, really mad. And Gerard just wasn't as adorable when he got really, really mad. "Okay, everybody pass their plates to me," he instructed as Mikey tossed his peanut butter sammich out the bus window so his plate looked clean. His mother had always taught him never to refuse Gerard's baking ever since the carrot cake incident of '89.
So everyone got a big, heaping helping of Gerard's "banana bread," all except for Bob. This was the one time he was actually HAPPY to remain unnoticed.
"Oh, you're still here?" Gerard asked Bob as he was about to eat the last slice of banana bread himself.
I'VE BEEN HERE THE ENTIRE TIME!
"Yes," Bob responded simply, despite his urge to rip his shirt open and turn green.
"...would you like the last piece?" Gerard asked politely, because he saw how Bob had been staring at it (thinking how gross it was) and thought he was upset because he hadn't been offered a piece.
"No," Bob said quickly.
"No really, I don't mind. I can always make more," Gerard shoved the plate at him.
"Gerard... have you ever eaten a piece of your banana bread?"
Frankie, Ray, and Mikey stared at Bob with wide eyes. Nobody had ever DARED defy Gee when it came to banana bread.
"Yep," Gerard smiled, closing his eyes and tilting his head to the side for a minute. "Tastes like heaven."
Well, Gerard was drunk for three years. Of course his taste buds are screwed up...
"Well I don't want it," Bob shrugged.
Mikey's chewed up, nasty bite fell back onto his plate, as his mouth had fallen open in disbelief.
Yep, it still tasted like dog shit and Tide.
"No, really," Gerard smiled again. He only wanted to share his wonderful baking with others, even if they were strangers riding on the My Chemical Romance tour bus!
"I DON'T WANT IT!" Bob screamed. "LOOK AT YOU, GERARD! YOU THINK YOU'RE SO COOL WHEN YOUR BANANA BREAD RECIPE SUCKS BALLS! IT DOESN'T EVEN TASTE LIKE BANANA! IT TASTES LIKE SHIT! AND THERE'S ACTUALLY THREE B'S IN MY NAME!"
Bob stormed away angrily. What was a guy to do in this situation? He could hear the sound of Gerard getting angry (it sounded like an exploding vehicle), and the sound of everyone else trying to convince him that his banana bread was the best they had ever tasted. He laughed to himself. If he couldn't kill them off just yet, at least he could burst Gerard's ego.
"Stupid Bob! Where the hell did he come from anyway?" he heard Gerard pout, and this enraged him. HE HAD BEEN IN THE BAND FOR THE PASSED TWO YEARS! WHY DID THEY NEVER REMEMBER THAT?
Finally, Bob decided that he needed some guidance. He flopped down on his bunk bed and buried his face into his pillowcase. "GORILLA!" he screamed at the very top of his lungs.
End of chapter two.