lamenting from all parties...
Part Seven: There's certain things I promised not to let you know
I want to hate you so bad
But I can't stop this
anymore than you can
Patrick passed his guitar off to the tech and walked offstage, pulling his hat off and wiping the sweat from his forehead. Each note he sang and each chord he played failed to distract him from his mind. Performing usually gave him an excuse to empty his thoughts and to have no troubles for the time he was on stage, but today he just couldn't sake her words, 'I'm not sorry I ever had feelings for Andy.' Why did he still want her back so badly?
Pete watched Patrick meander mindlessly away towards the dressing room. He felt bad but was sure there was nothing else he could say or do to make it better for him, to lessen his pain. After his last break-up, Patrick leaped head first into his work, into making his music and producing for other bands. Somehow, Pete didn't see that happening this time.
Patrick walked into the dressing room and pulled out his cell phone, half hoping for a text message or voicemail from her, but here was nothing. So he sighed and sat down, still sweating and feeling over heated. He had fought the urge to cry now for a few hours, but couldn't hold back anymore and let tears seep out of his eyes, stinging as the salty tears mixed with his sweat.
"Fuck!" he yelled, kicking the couch underneath him, wiping furiously at the tears. He was sure she was long gone by now, but he needed her back. He wasn't going to allow this to happen again. He wasn't going to let another girl tear him down. He was going to fight for her...
She watched the bus disappear from her vision and blinked. Her mind was empty. She could still feel the wetness between her thighs and all it was doing was making her uncomfortable. She bought a redeye ticket for the last flight out to Chicago, it was time to get back to a normal life; having a minimum wage job, sitting in classes instead of doing web classes, and going about her life as it was before she ever met Patrick.
It was weird to think about going home and staying stationary. She lived with Patrick the whole summer and fall, and always had something to do. She was by his side seeing the album all the way through and just being his biggest supporter. She had finished two semesters through on-line courses and was dreading having to do all of her learning on someone else's time again. She was happy about getting to live in her own home and doing her own thing once more, not having to live in the shadow of her boyfriend and his band.
The whole plan ride home, she wrote and wrote in her journal, just putting her feelings, or current lack there of, on paper and once the plane landed she had made herself feel even more indifferent towards her situation. She took a cab back to her apartment and sighed as she walked inside the building. She got inside her apartment and threw her bags back into her bedroom. She grabbed a towel from her closet; she felt disgusting and was definitely in need of a shower.
She let the warm water push all of her thoughts away, once more. She forced herself to feel numb, to just enjoy the steam. She got out of the shower and dried off, wiping the water off the mirror, brushing her teeth. She felt a little better now that she was clean and padded to her room, getting pajamas on and sitting on the edge of her bed. She stared around her room and was suddenly reminded of how lonely she just made herself by leaving the tour. Patrick was all around her, she had actually forgotten how picture crazy everyone was over the summer.
"Shit," she muttered to herself. "FUCK!" she screamed at the top of her lungs. Barely two days ago were her and Patrick happy and perfect, why did she have to be foolish and play Andy like that? How could she betray the only man she ever felt truly loved her? She lay down in bed, wrapping a blanket around her and cried for what she imagined must have been an hour, when she heard her phone begin ringing from the living room. She wiped at her face and sniffed, making her way towards the noise...
Andy pretended not to care about where she went after the concert was over. He watched Patrick mope around, pretending to feel sorry for what had happened. Patrick still didn't know the whole story: that Andy had slept with her on the bus mere minutes before running on stage. They all went through their usual post-show motions, which finally included leaving the venue. The guys had to head elsewhere for a small meet and greet, and all Andy wanted was to call her.
They all finally moved to the bus, then into the hotel for the night. Andy sat on a bed once he was sure Patrick was out of ear shot and dialed her number. He began tapping on his leg out of nervous habit as her phone rang, half hoping she wouldn't answer.
"What?" she said, her tone forcing him to believe he was the last person she wanted to talk to.
"Where are you?" he asked her. He heard her sigh and then heard some banging around on her end of the line.
"Home. Chicago. Home," she replied. Andy let his mouth fall open in slight shock, she really took Patrick literally.
"I figured you'd go to L.A...I don't really think Patrick wanted you to go all the way back to the place where he never existed in your life," he replied.
"Why would I go to L.A.? Patrick wanted me gone, out of his life. And do you think he's ever going to forgive me now, after what we did? I'm home. It'll be nice to get back to reality," she added. Andy could detect a hint of dread in her voice.
"You hate being alone. Come back," he said. She suddenly stopped banging around and was silent for a moment.
"Why should I? You got what you wanted from me, and Patrick and I broke up. What's the point? Yeah, I'm going to hate not having anyone to talk to for awhile, but I'll get back in contact with all of my old friends and maybe I'll even make some new ones. I never did anything useful on the tour anyway. This just makes more sense, okay? I'll see you on TV," she said, hanging up.
"Wait--" Andy began, but was met with a line drop. He pulled the phone away and sat it down, thinking maybe now that she was gone; it would be a good time to tell Patrick he had slept with her...
Patrick gave up on feeling anything anymore. He felt better once he cried a little. He carried on with the rest of the evening, forcing all normal feelings of sadness and anger away, trying hard to ignore all of the things around him that reminded him of her...which was pretty much everything.
Once he got to the hotel, he immediately got a shower, he felt gross. Afterwards, he went to Pete's room to see if he could think of something to take his mind off his worries. He was about to leave the room when he heard Andy's voice, "You hate being alone. Come back." Patrick felt his skin burn. Here it was, he had just sent her away in a total moment of weakness and Andy was trying to get her back already. He was planning on calling her in the morning, to beg for her to come back, to tell her how much he needed her in his life right now. But it appeared she had already moved on with Andy. Patrick felt his heart fall to the floor. Any thoughts he had of taking her back were slowly slipping away...
You've got me right where you want me
let's never talk about this again because
I didn't want it to mean that much to me
A/N: next chapter I have decided to go into a flashback so you can see what made this a whirlwind romance that Patrick just can't let go of...