Categories > Original > Humor > Five Minute Soap Dish
Week 6
Like Kelly, Steve was not good with names, especially of girls he considered overweight. So he did not bother to learn the Goth girl's name. Instead, after calling this girl "Gothic Rose" as a compliment at one stage, he continued to call her so from that moment onwards.
"So, you write poetry-for a living or-" Steve asked, waiting for an answer.
"No. The corporate run magazines of the world will only settle for mediocre sonnets and poems about nature. They aren't brave enough to display the intense suffering of my soul," Gothic Rose answered.
"I see," Nick cut in, "Those corporate run free non profit student papers and poetry jams-all they care about is the almighty dollar."
"Yeah, exactly," Gothic Rose agreed.
"It's a pity too, because I personally can't enjoy a poem unless it ends with someone slashing their wrists while screaming "For YOU!" at their recently ex-boyfriend, or even better, a guy who doesn't even know them," Nick continued, "Erotomania plus suicide makes for some good verses."
Gothic Rose stared hatred at Nick, "Don't make fun of it! You don't know the torment I've gone through."
"You're white, live in Melbourne, and obviously have enough money for bad clothes. I'd love to hear the torment you're going through."
"I feel unloved everyday. The world is only a place of sadness, which death can only cure as a reward."
Nick nodded, "Yep, that definitely compares to forced organ transplants in China."
Gothic Rose stood up, "I'm going."
Her thin friend, who Steve had recalled was called Evelyn stopped her, "Stop getting so carried away. You'll never make it as a poet if you can't handle a critic."
Nick snorted, "Yeah, cause that's the only thing hampering your poetry."
Steve laughed politely, "Don't go, I'll just take my friend aside, and teach him some manners."
Once again Nick was picked up by the shirt and dragged away by Steve. Steve's expression grew angrier as he left.
"You stop it now!" Steve yelled at Nick.
"Oh come on! She was a whiny, bad poetry writing, self indulgent Goth. She's fair game," Nick argued.
"That's not the problem. Well, it's not the whole problem. The issue is-you're turning off Goth Rose which reduces my chance with her friend....er....what's-her-name-"
"Evelyn-I doubt it's her real name, but it's what she said."
"Thanks, Evelyn. I totally had the plan set, you'd charm Rose girl on the dance floor, albeit temporarily, while I swiftly take...."
"Evelyn," Nick corrected again.
"Evelyn back to my place," Steve explained.
"Your place? With your room mate? Isn't he still hiding in your wardrobe?"
"Oh, forgot about that. Tristan is a problem," Steve said, pondering, before suddenly bringing himself back on topic, "but that's irrelevant. We were talking about why you weren't trying to pick up Miss Depressed Fat Goth over there."
"I never said I was going to!"
Steve let out a sigh, then clamped one hand on Nick's shoulder, "Please, for the sake of our friendship, just do this one thing now. Make it one of the three things we do for each other for the sake of our friendship."
Nick thought it over, "Well, if it's one of the three things, okay. But remember, there's only three things you're allowed to ask me to do."
"Got it," Steve said, and Nick walked back to the table and the Goth girls. Steve couldn't hear what he said, but saw Evelyn get up and walk towards him, while Nick sat opposite Gothic Rose.
"I don't know what your friend's problem is, but thanks for sorting it out," Evelyn said, "Joanne can sometimes be temperamental, but that doesn't mean anyone should be deliberately hurtful to her."
"Oh, Nick's not like that. He had a break up with a poet recently, so he's still a bit bitter. When his emotional levels are back to normal he's sweet as sugar," Steve said, lying with an absolutely straight face, while simultaneously trying to figure out who Joanne was, "And looks like he's being nice now. She's smiling."
Evelyn turned back to the table and slightly cringed when she saw Gothic Rose smile, "Oh no!"
"What's the problem?"
"Well, Joanne's been depressed for the entire night, and now, when she was finally going to have some fun, we're going to have to leave."
Steve felt a cringe coming but held it back. "You both have to leave?"
"Well, I have to leave. I've got an early start tomorrow."
"Oh no," Steve said, eyes drooping, "After all this debacle with Nick and Joanne, I've hardly had the chance to know you. I've hardly gotten a chance to talk with you."
Evelyn had a slight grin and grabbed Steve's arm, eliciting a "Hey" from him. She wrote down her number on his forearm.
"That's my mobile. Call me sometime in the evening and we'll go out sometime," she said.
"Great," Steve said, disappointed and not getting the desired result, but still pleased he had gotten a result. Evelyn waved and went back to Gothic Rose. Steve immediately went to the edge of the dance floor and put Evelyn's number into his mobile. As soon as he had finished, the phone began to ring. It was Nick, so as he answered, Steve looked around, trying to find his friend in the club.
"Hey," Steve said, still searching the club.
"Okay, the deal was I get you alone with Evelyn," Nick answered angrily on the other end, "After she leaves, I had no further responsibility to Gothic Rose whatsoever, got it?"
"Not exactly...where are you?"
"In the male toilet cubicle, trying to force open a window so I can get out," Nick said, letting it sink in for a moment, "You see, Evelyn offered to take Gothic Rose home, but apparently I was being far too nice, because Gothic Rose preferred to stay here with me. I couldn't handle it any more."
"Oh, be reasonable."
"She was quoting her own poetry and comparing it to Byron. That I can't handle," Nick explained, as the conversation was broken by shattering glass, "Freedom! Do what you want, Steve, I'm out of here."
"Oh, it's you again," he heard a voice saw. Steve found that in his pursuit of Nick's location he had edged himself back to Gothic Rose.
"What's that on your arm?" she said, pointing to Evelyn's number.
"Nothing," Steve answered, quickly crossing his arms, "Nick's had to rush off, but-"
"That's fine," Gothic Rose answered, "I was really hoping for more of a chance to know you anyway."
Like Kelly, Steve was not good with names, especially of girls he considered overweight. So he did not bother to learn the Goth girl's name. Instead, after calling this girl "Gothic Rose" as a compliment at one stage, he continued to call her so from that moment onwards.
"So, you write poetry-for a living or-" Steve asked, waiting for an answer.
"No. The corporate run magazines of the world will only settle for mediocre sonnets and poems about nature. They aren't brave enough to display the intense suffering of my soul," Gothic Rose answered.
"I see," Nick cut in, "Those corporate run free non profit student papers and poetry jams-all they care about is the almighty dollar."
"Yeah, exactly," Gothic Rose agreed.
"It's a pity too, because I personally can't enjoy a poem unless it ends with someone slashing their wrists while screaming "For YOU!" at their recently ex-boyfriend, or even better, a guy who doesn't even know them," Nick continued, "Erotomania plus suicide makes for some good verses."
Gothic Rose stared hatred at Nick, "Don't make fun of it! You don't know the torment I've gone through."
"You're white, live in Melbourne, and obviously have enough money for bad clothes. I'd love to hear the torment you're going through."
"I feel unloved everyday. The world is only a place of sadness, which death can only cure as a reward."
Nick nodded, "Yep, that definitely compares to forced organ transplants in China."
Gothic Rose stood up, "I'm going."
Her thin friend, who Steve had recalled was called Evelyn stopped her, "Stop getting so carried away. You'll never make it as a poet if you can't handle a critic."
Nick snorted, "Yeah, cause that's the only thing hampering your poetry."
Steve laughed politely, "Don't go, I'll just take my friend aside, and teach him some manners."
Once again Nick was picked up by the shirt and dragged away by Steve. Steve's expression grew angrier as he left.
"You stop it now!" Steve yelled at Nick.
"Oh come on! She was a whiny, bad poetry writing, self indulgent Goth. She's fair game," Nick argued.
"That's not the problem. Well, it's not the whole problem. The issue is-you're turning off Goth Rose which reduces my chance with her friend....er....what's-her-name-"
"Evelyn-I doubt it's her real name, but it's what she said."
"Thanks, Evelyn. I totally had the plan set, you'd charm Rose girl on the dance floor, albeit temporarily, while I swiftly take...."
"Evelyn," Nick corrected again.
"Evelyn back to my place," Steve explained.
"Your place? With your room mate? Isn't he still hiding in your wardrobe?"
"Oh, forgot about that. Tristan is a problem," Steve said, pondering, before suddenly bringing himself back on topic, "but that's irrelevant. We were talking about why you weren't trying to pick up Miss Depressed Fat Goth over there."
"I never said I was going to!"
Steve let out a sigh, then clamped one hand on Nick's shoulder, "Please, for the sake of our friendship, just do this one thing now. Make it one of the three things we do for each other for the sake of our friendship."
Nick thought it over, "Well, if it's one of the three things, okay. But remember, there's only three things you're allowed to ask me to do."
"Got it," Steve said, and Nick walked back to the table and the Goth girls. Steve couldn't hear what he said, but saw Evelyn get up and walk towards him, while Nick sat opposite Gothic Rose.
"I don't know what your friend's problem is, but thanks for sorting it out," Evelyn said, "Joanne can sometimes be temperamental, but that doesn't mean anyone should be deliberately hurtful to her."
"Oh, Nick's not like that. He had a break up with a poet recently, so he's still a bit bitter. When his emotional levels are back to normal he's sweet as sugar," Steve said, lying with an absolutely straight face, while simultaneously trying to figure out who Joanne was, "And looks like he's being nice now. She's smiling."
Evelyn turned back to the table and slightly cringed when she saw Gothic Rose smile, "Oh no!"
"What's the problem?"
"Well, Joanne's been depressed for the entire night, and now, when she was finally going to have some fun, we're going to have to leave."
Steve felt a cringe coming but held it back. "You both have to leave?"
"Well, I have to leave. I've got an early start tomorrow."
"Oh no," Steve said, eyes drooping, "After all this debacle with Nick and Joanne, I've hardly had the chance to know you. I've hardly gotten a chance to talk with you."
Evelyn had a slight grin and grabbed Steve's arm, eliciting a "Hey" from him. She wrote down her number on his forearm.
"That's my mobile. Call me sometime in the evening and we'll go out sometime," she said.
"Great," Steve said, disappointed and not getting the desired result, but still pleased he had gotten a result. Evelyn waved and went back to Gothic Rose. Steve immediately went to the edge of the dance floor and put Evelyn's number into his mobile. As soon as he had finished, the phone began to ring. It was Nick, so as he answered, Steve looked around, trying to find his friend in the club.
"Hey," Steve said, still searching the club.
"Okay, the deal was I get you alone with Evelyn," Nick answered angrily on the other end, "After she leaves, I had no further responsibility to Gothic Rose whatsoever, got it?"
"Not exactly...where are you?"
"In the male toilet cubicle, trying to force open a window so I can get out," Nick said, letting it sink in for a moment, "You see, Evelyn offered to take Gothic Rose home, but apparently I was being far too nice, because Gothic Rose preferred to stay here with me. I couldn't handle it any more."
"Oh, be reasonable."
"She was quoting her own poetry and comparing it to Byron. That I can't handle," Nick explained, as the conversation was broken by shattering glass, "Freedom! Do what you want, Steve, I'm out of here."
"Oh, it's you again," he heard a voice saw. Steve found that in his pursuit of Nick's location he had edged himself back to Gothic Rose.
"What's that on your arm?" she said, pointing to Evelyn's number.
"Nothing," Steve answered, quickly crossing his arms, "Nick's had to rush off, but-"
"That's fine," Gothic Rose answered, "I was really hoping for more of a chance to know you anyway."
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