Categories > Original > Humor > Five Minute Soap Dish
Week 7
"And that's the sharpest thing I had in any orifice," Mark answered, "Which self help book did you get that from?"
"Oh, you know I don't read self help books," Gia answered, "I made it up."
"I knew it!"
"You did not," Gia answered, "You had no idea!"
"Or maybe I just wanted to tell that story," Mark suggested, "Ever thought of that one?"
Gia smiled, then looked around. They were the only patrons left in the bar, and the staff were beginning to look annoyed.
"Well time certainly has flown by. Perhaps we should think about going soon."
"But we're only just started the risque conversation starters. You haven't heard of my risque escapades," Mark said.
"Mark, look around. Look at your watch."
Mark did, and let out a single "Oh."
Gia got up off her chair pulling out her mobile. Mark started to get worried.
"What are you doing?"
"Calling a taxi," Gia said, as she got through, "Hi, I need a taxi to pick me up out the front of Sheem bar and café."
"You know, I live nearby. You could stay over," Mark offered.
Gia smiled, "No, I don't think so."
"Why not?"
"Five minutes, great. I'll wait out the front," Gia said, finishing the call, "Mark the last time someone in my family got an offer to stay over, I was conceived."
Mark got up, following Gia as she left the café, "Oh come on, if I had intended sex that would have been the worst pick up I've ever heard."
"I've heard worse," Gia said, stopping Mark as they left the café, "Look Mark, I enjoyed tonight, but I really wouldn't feel comfortable going back to your place after only, well not even one full date."
"Oh," Mark looked sullen, lowering his head. Gia quickly raised his hand with her hand and kissed him.
"Call me sometime during the week and we'll go out for a dinner or something, okay?"
"I don't have your number."
Gia quickly pulled a pen out of satchel, and wrote down her number on his forearm. "That's my mobile. Call me, because I did honestly enjoyed tonight."
Mark smiled slightly, "Thanks."
They stood there in silence for a while, eyes starring around for the other to start something. Gia frequently checked her watch.
"This is awkward. I was kind of hoping the taxi would arrive by now, and we'd separate on a high note," Gia said.
"There was a high note?"
"The kiss! The kiss was a high note," Gia said.
"Oh yeah."
"Thanks for remembering. It makes me feel much better concerning my abilities as a kisser."
Mark let out a light laugh, "Look, you're right. This is awkward. I might go now."
"I understand," Gia said, "I'll see you sometime this week, okay?"
"Kay," Mark said, walking off, but backwards, so he could face her, and wave and call out "Good night."
"Night," she called back at him.
Mark turned around and walked off quickly. When he was gone, Gia lost all decorum and slunk down against the café wall. Then her mobile rang.
"Hello," she said, receiving the call.
"Hi, it's Nick. Are you anywhere near the Royal Melbourne Hospital?"
"No, why?"
"Oh, could you take a detour to the Royal Melbourne by any chance?" Nick asked, desperation showing.
"I'm taking a taxi back and I'm fairly certain it's out of my way home. Why?"
"Well, long story short, hanging with Steve wasn't as fun as I had hoped. And moreover, don't ever escape by breaking through a toilet window-it may cause a serious injury."
"Oh, are you okay?"
"Should be fine when the Doctors put in the stitches but I was kinda hoping someone could kinda offer me some comfort and reassurance," Nick explained.
"Ooh," Gia said, patronising him, "Is Nicky feeling vulnerable?"
"Fuck you no!" Nick explained, "It's just I'm bleeding here, and I know you women like to see a man in pain. At least, Kelly does. But she wasn't answering her phone so I get you. I'm doing this for you, you know. You get joy off my pain, and I get a little bit of company. Everyone's happy."
Gia laughed, "Do you really want me there, Nick?"
Nick groaned through the phone, "I can't say this without losing my steely emotionless state, but I don't like hospitals, I'm in pain and therefore wouldn't dislike your company."
Gia saw the taxi pull up, "I'll be there in a few minutes. Can you stay strong until then?"
"Fuck you in the ear! I don't need your sympathy," Nick said, then replacing the aggression with a slight tenderness, "But I'm casualty if you want to deliver your sympathy directly."
"Just so you know I care," Gia said, cancelling the call before she could hear Nick's angry response to this tenderness, then telling the taxi driver, "Royal Melbourne Hospital"
"And that's the sharpest thing I had in any orifice," Mark answered, "Which self help book did you get that from?"
"Oh, you know I don't read self help books," Gia answered, "I made it up."
"I knew it!"
"You did not," Gia answered, "You had no idea!"
"Or maybe I just wanted to tell that story," Mark suggested, "Ever thought of that one?"
Gia smiled, then looked around. They were the only patrons left in the bar, and the staff were beginning to look annoyed.
"Well time certainly has flown by. Perhaps we should think about going soon."
"But we're only just started the risque conversation starters. You haven't heard of my risque escapades," Mark said.
"Mark, look around. Look at your watch."
Mark did, and let out a single "Oh."
Gia got up off her chair pulling out her mobile. Mark started to get worried.
"What are you doing?"
"Calling a taxi," Gia said, as she got through, "Hi, I need a taxi to pick me up out the front of Sheem bar and café."
"You know, I live nearby. You could stay over," Mark offered.
Gia smiled, "No, I don't think so."
"Why not?"
"Five minutes, great. I'll wait out the front," Gia said, finishing the call, "Mark the last time someone in my family got an offer to stay over, I was conceived."
Mark got up, following Gia as she left the café, "Oh come on, if I had intended sex that would have been the worst pick up I've ever heard."
"I've heard worse," Gia said, stopping Mark as they left the café, "Look Mark, I enjoyed tonight, but I really wouldn't feel comfortable going back to your place after only, well not even one full date."
"Oh," Mark looked sullen, lowering his head. Gia quickly raised his hand with her hand and kissed him.
"Call me sometime during the week and we'll go out for a dinner or something, okay?"
"I don't have your number."
Gia quickly pulled a pen out of satchel, and wrote down her number on his forearm. "That's my mobile. Call me, because I did honestly enjoyed tonight."
Mark smiled slightly, "Thanks."
They stood there in silence for a while, eyes starring around for the other to start something. Gia frequently checked her watch.
"This is awkward. I was kind of hoping the taxi would arrive by now, and we'd separate on a high note," Gia said.
"There was a high note?"
"The kiss! The kiss was a high note," Gia said.
"Oh yeah."
"Thanks for remembering. It makes me feel much better concerning my abilities as a kisser."
Mark let out a light laugh, "Look, you're right. This is awkward. I might go now."
"I understand," Gia said, "I'll see you sometime this week, okay?"
"Kay," Mark said, walking off, but backwards, so he could face her, and wave and call out "Good night."
"Night," she called back at him.
Mark turned around and walked off quickly. When he was gone, Gia lost all decorum and slunk down against the café wall. Then her mobile rang.
"Hello," she said, receiving the call.
"Hi, it's Nick. Are you anywhere near the Royal Melbourne Hospital?"
"No, why?"
"Oh, could you take a detour to the Royal Melbourne by any chance?" Nick asked, desperation showing.
"I'm taking a taxi back and I'm fairly certain it's out of my way home. Why?"
"Well, long story short, hanging with Steve wasn't as fun as I had hoped. And moreover, don't ever escape by breaking through a toilet window-it may cause a serious injury."
"Oh, are you okay?"
"Should be fine when the Doctors put in the stitches but I was kinda hoping someone could kinda offer me some comfort and reassurance," Nick explained.
"Ooh," Gia said, patronising him, "Is Nicky feeling vulnerable?"
"Fuck you no!" Nick explained, "It's just I'm bleeding here, and I know you women like to see a man in pain. At least, Kelly does. But she wasn't answering her phone so I get you. I'm doing this for you, you know. You get joy off my pain, and I get a little bit of company. Everyone's happy."
Gia laughed, "Do you really want me there, Nick?"
Nick groaned through the phone, "I can't say this without losing my steely emotionless state, but I don't like hospitals, I'm in pain and therefore wouldn't dislike your company."
Gia saw the taxi pull up, "I'll be there in a few minutes. Can you stay strong until then?"
"Fuck you in the ear! I don't need your sympathy," Nick said, then replacing the aggression with a slight tenderness, "But I'm casualty if you want to deliver your sympathy directly."
"Just so you know I care," Gia said, cancelling the call before she could hear Nick's angry response to this tenderness, then telling the taxi driver, "Royal Melbourne Hospital"
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