is forgiveness even an option?
Part Ten: You probably think that I hold resentment for you but, you're wrong
After all you put me through
you'd think I'd despise you
Destiny left Patrick's house fuming; she couldn't even believe he went there. It was totally uncalled for in her opinion. She wasn't ever implying that she should be more important than his music because she knew that was impossible, his music had been there for him much longer than she had been. But he was right, when she got too hard, she ran away. It would've been easy for her to tell her parents she was pregnant, she often wondered how they would've reacted, maybe they might've actually been supportive or maybe they would've kicked her out. She wasn't sure, all she knew was that now she was alone. She needed someone to talk to and that really only left one person.
Destiny ran up the front steps of the Wentz home and knocked, or more like banged on the front door. She only saw Pete's SUV in the driveway, his parents were definately away. A few minutes later and grumpy looking Pete answered the door.
"Jesus man, it's two in the afternoon wake up already," she said, stepping into the warmth. Pete scratched his head, staring at Destiny.
"I only went to bed at seven, what do you want?" he asked. She turned to him and sighed.
"I need your help, or more like your insight," she said, following him into the kitchen.
"Okay, about what? And if you say Patrick I'm kicking you out. I'm not in the mood," he said. Destiny stopped walking and stared at his back as he opened the fridge.
"Right, fuck you then. See you later," she said, turning to go. Pete let out an annoyed sigh.
"Stop! Come back, what do you need?" he asked, giving in. He could never say no to the conversations he always shared with Destiny, they made him feel worth something. Destiny walked over the island in the middle of the kitchen and sat down on one of the stool as Pete handed her some orange juice.
"Okay, I tried to be mature and I went to his house to talk, and we basically traded some harsh words and now I don't know what to do. I'm lost without him Pete, I just...I want him in my life and it seems almost impossible now," she said, sipping her drink. Pete hopped up onto the counter opposite her and bit his lip, thinking.
"Well, what exactly did you say to him or him to you or whatever?"
"Uh, I might've implied that I felt like I should come first in his life over his music, which isn't exactly what I meant. The words didn't come out right. But what gets me is what he came back at me with. He said, and I quote, 'at least I don't murder innocent life.' Jesus, Pete! He called me a murderer to my face! What I said didn't deserve words like that! And then he said 'run away, it's what you're good at.' Like what the fuck? I said one stupid thing and this is what he shoots back at me. I don't understand." she replied. Pete looked at her as his eye widened and then laughed in disbelief.
"Holy shit. Wow, okay. Listen, I don't even know what to tell you. I mean, I'm the king of opening your mouth before you think, so all I know is that you can try to explain it to him. Maybe he didn't mean exactly what he said either; he does do that when he gets really upset. I would tell you to come to New York with us, but I don't want things to get awkward and shitty, this is supposed to be a good week. So...shit. I don't know. Patrick holds mini-grudges so I don't really know what to tell you to do. This is entirely up to you," he replied, hopping off the counter, "Now, I'm going back to bed, maybe, hopefully. I'll see you...around, I guess?" he walked over to her and placed his arms around her shoulders from behind her, pulling her into a hug, "All I know, is that if you guys are meant to be, this shit will work itself out. Look at me and Jeana. It will find a way, promise."
Destiny's mind was reeling over what to do, but she reached up and hugged his arms, turning her head to kiss his cheek, "See you and thanks." Pete nodded then trudged away to head upstairs. Destiny stood up and walked to the front door, stopping for a minute to pet Hemmingway, Pandora and Marley, then left, heading back to Patrick's house.
Patrick stood staring at the spot where he had just created a hole in his wall, still feeling his body shaking. He was so upset over her words and he wasn't particularly sure why they hurt him so much, but he really had no right to say what he said to her. He didn't even mean it. Abortion was not okay with him, but he did understand her reasons for it and wanted to be supportive of her decisions always, whether they were in the past or in the future.
Finally he walked out of his closet and tried his best to calm down. He wanted her back, honestly, but wasn't sure he had it in him to forgive another girl for breaking him down, only to have the pain happen all over again, but there was something about Destiny that made him believe that she was worth fighting for and he was willing to do what it took, even if that meant letting her infidelity slide.
Destiny pulled into Patrick's driveway, her mind going over scenarios, all of them ending in another big fight. She didn't want to talk to him until she was absolutely sure she knew the right words to say. She wanted to talk to Andy, to make sure that whatever went on between them was now over; she wanted them all to be okay again. She wanted her relationship back and she wanted to go back to thinking Andy was completely creepy, but every time she thought about him and that moment on the bus, it sent shivers up her back and she couldn't help but feel like she wanted more. That she needed more. It was an awful dilemma for her, she knew Andy and her were without a future, but felt like Patrick was the type of guy she could actually settle down with for the long run. She grabbed her phone out of her bag and stared at the name Andy for a few minutes, wondering if he had gone home for the weekend too.
"Hey," his voice said softly. Destiny froze; she had no clue what to say to him.
"Hey. I, um...I just wanted to know...I..." she stuttered, she felt ridiculous. Why was she doing this to herself? Andy wasn't worth this, he couldn't be.
"You want to know what?" he asked, his voice actually sounding interested in what she was saying. She cleared her throat and let out a deep sigh.
"Andy, whatever happened between us is over, right? Whatever feelings you had for me are gone? I just can't take this anymore. This is too much hurt for such a small outcome," she replied. Andy was silent for a minute, which Destiny took as a bad sign.
"I'm not over you. I want to be badly, but I'm not. This isn't like me, you know? I fuck and flee for the most part, I don't hang around, but I want to with you and I know that's stupid because it can't work out. Patrick is my friend and he doesn't deserve for me to do this to him," Andy replied. Destiny felt herself smile softly.
"So if neither of us wants this, why is it so hard to let us go?" she asked. Andy shrugged to himself, wondering the exact same thing. He had done nothing the past few weeks but think about her, and he hated every second his mind spent on her. It wasn't okay, not to anyone. He sort of became an enemy for a minute when people found out why Destiny left the tour.
"I think it might be best if we just let go and move on. I hate admitting this, but I want to see you happy, and Patrick makes you happy, I've seen it. So, thanks for the memories, but let's just let it be," he said. Destiny couldn't help but note the sadness in his voice and it hurt her a little. She didn't want to be the reason he was upset, but at the same time she had a feeling he was going to get over it in no time.
"Thanks, Andy. I just don't want things to be awkward with us if we have to hang out now, you know? I just want everything to go back to the way it used to be," she said.
"Me too. I got to go, but I'll see you," he said, hanging up immediately. Destiny sighed as she threw her phone into her bag, staring over at Patrick's bedroom. She could see him pacing, thinking that wasn't the best sign in the world, but knew that this needed to be resolved fast. He was leaving soon and she didn't want him to go on tour still hating her to the core.
Patrick grumbled as he heard a knock on the front door. He was assuming it was Joe or something, coming to tell him he was bored, but felt surprised and actually a little relived to see Destiny there once more. He wanted to open the door and hug her tightly and forgive her if she would forgive him, but somehow he knew it wouldn't be that simple...
After all you put me through
You think I'd despise you