FicWad

Week 9

When Nick got back to his flat he was surprised by three things. Firstly the door was unlocked. Secondly, the window was open. Finally, while the flat was messed up with clothes strewn everywhere, and food left out, nothing appeared to be missing, so he ruled out burglary. As he paced around his kitchen he heard a noise from the bathroom.
"You know, Steve, when I offered my key, it was so you could mind my place when I was on holiday. I didn't intend for you to use my flat as a shagmat," he called out, walking towards the bathroom.
The bathroom door opened, and Nick saw that, while Steve had definitely been at the flat sometime tonight, he was not in the bathroom now. Instead, the person who emerged from the bathroom was Gothic Rose, dressed in the same clothes she wore last night.
"Oh, it's you," she sneered, turning and walking off in the direction of the bedroom, "What do you want?"
"Want? What do you mean?" Nick said, following her.
Gothic Rose stopped at the door to face Nick, "Look, Steve appreciates you as a friend, he told me so, but it's a bit over possessive of you to check up on him each morning. Seriously, get some help."
"Check up on him? This is my flat. I'm just returning home after spending a night in hospital."
"Yeah, Steve said you'd be denying it too," Gothic Rose said, before opening the door and walking into the bedroom. She looked around to find it empty, and a window open.
"Steve!" She called out, racing to the window to look out, "Where are you Steve?"
"He's gone dear. He no doubt waited until you went to have a morning shower and then fled. I'm surprised he used the window though, usually he plans it well enough to just walk out the door," Nick said, not entering the room but waiting at the doorway.
"Stop it! He's just hiding, okay? He's playful at heart, I mean he was last night," she argued, looking in the cupboards, then pushing past Nick to walk towards the kitchen.
"No doubt he had sex with you, and no doubt he enjoyed it, as he enjoys sex with anyone who isn't a man. Hell, he'd probably enjoy sex with a man if he wasn't so damn homophobic," Nick explained, following her into the kitchen, "But apart from that, he doesn't and never did care for you. Sorry, but it's time to face reality. He's abandoned you....and in my apartment so you'll no doubt be unable to find him again."
Nick was about to continue when he realised Gothic Rose was slightly crying. He rubbed her lightly on the back.
"Look, he's done this plenty of times before to plenty of other girls-so it's not anything to do with you, okay? He's just an arse," he said, trying his best to sound comforting, "Look, can I call up a friend of yours or something? That...Evelyn girl? What about her?"
"She's at work," Gothic Rose yelled, pushing Nick away and heading for the door, "I'll make my own way home. And tell Steve, when you next see him, that he's an arse and I hope he dies."
"I think he's aware of that, but I will tell him. Bye!"
Gothic Rose left the flat and walked off. Nick started to clean up the mess Steve had left in the kitchen when, a short time later there was a knock on the door. Nick groaned, but opened it anyway, to find a naked Steve waiting for him.
"I've never had a sexual fantasy so bastardised as I have now," Nick groaned. Steve pushed past him and started to search through the strewn clothes.
"I think I left my keys," he explained, mainly to himself.
"Just your keys?"
"Okay, my wallet as well," Steve admitted, "It's a good thing Miss-Obese-Goth-But-Certainly-Makes-Up-For-It didn't think to search for my wallet, otherwise there'd have been trouble."
"I was wondering about that. Why didn't you plan to get all your stuff together before you left? And why use the window?"
Steve swatted the clothes away, "Nothing there," then turned to face Nick, "I slept in, okay? I thought I was trained to wake up before she does, but this time I failed. In fact, I only woke up when you entered."
"I'm glad I could be of service."
"So I only had enough time to get out the window, and wait in the trees outside until she left. Oh, and if you get a dirty look from a little old lady across the road, it's got nothing to do with me," Steve said, then realising something, "It must have fallen down the edge of the couch."
Steve proceeded to bend over in front of Nick, rummaging deeper into the crevices of the couch. Nick, on the other hand, being shown a crevice of a different sort showed a different reaction.
"Can't you put some pants on before you search, Steve?" Nick yelled, covering his face.
"No. This is far too important for pants. Imagine if Gothic Rose has personal details of me. She and the club could find out where I live, and attack me. I gotta stop that."
Nick turned away, "The club? Oh, I keep forgetting you think women you've used have formed up a club together. Why not combine all your fantasies into one, Steve, and have them have lesbian pillow fighting contests as well?"
"Not a bad idea. A-hah!" Steve cried, leaping to his feet as he displayed a wallet in one hand, and his keys in another, "Worry not, dear Nick. Your best friend is safe once more."
"You're not my best friend. Gia is. She helped me at the hospital. You basically put me there," Nick said, still not turning to face Steve.
"Oh, don't tell me you're still trusting her. I keep telling you, she's too nice!" Steve said, dressing as he talked.
"That's one theory. Or maybe, just maybe, you're a supreme arse, and everyone else who's only slightly an arse seems nice by comparison. Now Gia, she's not an arse, so she seems too nice," Nick suggested, "If we look at the data we find that two people today have already called you an arse, whereas only one person in the last twnety years has though of Gia as untrustworthy."
Thinking it safe, Nick turned to face Steve again, "Do you understand what I'm saying?"
"I'm a supreme arse!" Steve said, happy at what he saw as a compliment.
"That wasn't supposed to be good!" Nick said.
"Too bad, that's the way I took it," Steve said, finishing dressing, "So...what should a supreme arse have for breakfast?"