One last attempt.
"Sara? What are you doing here?" asked Mikey, who wasn't wearing his glasses, and was squinting at me.
"Is Gerard here?"
"Yeah. Hold on." He shuffled into the dark room and Gerard appeared a moment later, wearing only his boxers. I averted my eyes from his pale yet beautiful body.
"Sara. What the hell are you doing here? It's 4 in the morning."
"I know. I guess I just wanted to talk"
"Okay. Hold on." He shut the door, and then came back a minute later with his coat and some clothes on. We walked out of the hotel, and a few blocks without saying anything.
"So, what did you want to talk about?" he asked.
"I'm not sure"
We continued on in silence, a car passing us every so often. "You know-" we both started at the same time.
"You first" I said.
"Well. Us being friends. It's really hard for me, because of everything we've been through together. But I'm happy for you."
"Please don't get mad if I ask this, but our child, will I ever get to see it?"
"Of course you can. But just know that even if you are the father, you won't really be the father."
"I know. I just want to see my child grow up"
"Now it's your turn."
"Oh, right. I was thinking about when we were in highschool. Do you remember the night that Mikal broke up with me?"
"Of course I do. Why?"
"What do you think would have happened if we-"
"You know, I don't want to think about it because nothing more happened. I don't want to live in the past, only the now."
I started banging on Gerard's door, my make-up running down my face. "Gerard?" I kept calling. Finally he opened the door, looking angry. His expression softened when he realized it was me.
"Sara, what's wrong?" He pulled a drunken me inside and I cried in his arms, not realizing that he was with his girlfriend before I came in.
"Umm. Gerard, I'll call you later" she said, walking past us out of the house.
"Sara. What happened?"
"He broke up with me. Because he wants to date his ex again!" I cried into his neck while he stroked my hair.
"Calm down Sara. He's a jerk. I'll always be here if you need me."
"Anytime" I pulled away from him, and he wiped my face with his sleeve.
"Gerard, I have to tell you something" He put a finger to my lips.
"Don't" And then he replaced his finger with his lips. He kissed me for what seemed like an eternity before stopping.
"I love you Sara."
"Gerard, why did you tell me you loved me?" We stopped in front of my apartment building.
"Because I didn't think you would remember. I thought you were too drunk to remember anything."
There was an awkward, but I was thinking about that evening. Sure, I had been drunk, but I knew well enough what was happening. But I fell asleep in his arms soon after he confessed his feelings. The next day I wasn't a hundred percent sure if he had said it or not so I didn't bring it up, and unfortunately he didn't either.
"Gerard. Thanks for this." I said eventually. I leaned in to give him a hug, but he placed his hand on the back of my neck and pressed his lips onto mine. I felt so safe in his arms that I didn't want him to let me go, but I had to stop it before anything else started. Before I could protest he had pulled away.
"I'll see you at the wedding" he said sadly.
"I guess so"
I looked at the clock. 7:50 pm. 10 minutes. I would be walking down the isle. Towards the man who thought that my baby was his. Towards the man who loved me with all his life. Towards the man whom I loved, but not with all my life.
I paced back and fourth in the small room that I had gotten ready in, pausing every few seconds to look over myself in the mirror. My stomach was poking out, the outline of my belly button visible through the silk fabric of my wedding dress. My hair hung softly around my shoulders and my back, my face with little make-up.
There was a soft knock on the door, and my heart started racing. Was it time yet?
"Hello?" I heard Leahs voice from the other side of the door. "Can I come in?"
She opened the door and stepped into the room, shutting the door behind her. "You look great" she commented.
"Sara. I really am sorry about telling Tim. I just- I wanted something that I thought I could get from telling him, but I didn't get it. It was just so stupid."
"Leah. I know. And I have already forgiven you."
She beamed at me, and wrapped her arms around me as much as she could. "Well, I should go now. You're expected in a few minutes." She hurried out, and I sat down on the small chair in the corner. Looking out the window, I could just make out people sitting in their chairs, waiting for me to come out. I heard the soft beeping of the clock indicating it was now 8 o'clock.
"Well this is it" I stood up in my chair and turned towards the door, but standing there was Gerard.
"Gerard, what are you doing?"
He didn't say anything for a moment, but instead his eyes traveled the length of my body, taking in my appearance. "You look like an angel" he whispered.
"Thanks" I said, my heart was again racing. "Umm. Gerard, shouldn't you be out there. It's time now."
He took a step towards me, his face showing a confused expression. "Don't do it" he said.
"Don't marry him. He doesn't love you like I do." He was now standing right in front of me, his face just over an inch away from mine. "I've been thinking about it all day and night. Sara, you know I'm the only one for you. I knew that back in high school. And I think you did too. So don't marry him. Marry me"
I was choked. I didn't know what to say. What was I supposed to say? "I love you too Gerard. Of course I'll marry you." It wasn't that simple.
"Sara. It's now or never. It makes sense. Your carrying my child, I love you, and you love me don't you?" I nodded, surprising myself and Gerard for admitting it so easily. "See. It's perfect. Just come with me. We can get married tonight if you want. I just want to be with you. And my child" He ran a hand over my stomach and kissed me on the cheek.
"Gerard, I can't" I finally said. I didn't want to cry, but as much as I willed myself not to, I could feel the tears start to run down my cheeks.
"Because you're you Gerard. You're famous, I'm not. It wouldn't work. It can't work."
"Sara, why are you so afraid to be with me? I know we can make it work."
"I'm not afraid Gerard, I just-"
"I just want to be with Tim more." It was a lie, and I knew it. But I couldn't tell him the truth.
"Don't lie" he said, becoming frustrated. "Just come with me."
"Gerard, I can't" And that was it. He looked at me one last time, hurt written all over his face, and then he turned and left.
I stood there for about 30 seconds, crying. And then my tears suddenly ceased. I knew it was time. And I knew I had made the right decision.
I did a quick re-touch up of my make-up before I heard another knock. "Sara? It's time" I heard Ray say.
"Thanks Ray" I looked at myself one last time in the mirror. I smiled, then left the room.
"Are you ready?" asked Ray.
"I've been ready for a long time"