Categories > Original > Humor > Five Minute Soap Dish
Week 13
"My surname is McClaren, I'm an insurance broker, and I've got no criminal convictions of any sort," Mark explained.
"Sorry," Gia said, "I knew you weren't a serial killer, but a friend of mine's been pestering me about it and-"
"It's all right," Mark cut in, "After I left last time I realised you knew very little about me and-serial killer?"
"I know a lot of paranoid, over protective idiots," Gia explained.
Oh," Mark said, raising an eyebrow, "Do they have any reason to be?"
Gia cringed as he said it, and Mark extended are hand over to her wrist, to reassure her, "It's okay. Don't ask if it's getting too personal."
"No, it's okay. I'm just not sure you want me to unload onto you," Gia said.
"I'll say stop if it gets too much."
"Okay," Gia said, taking a deep breath, "I break up badly."
"Doesn't everyone?" Mark asked, genuinely interested.
"No, not exactly. I mean, when I'm in a relationship, and it's going well, it's like a euphoria, a strong joy. And when I break up, it's the exact amount of euphoria in reverse. Everyone blames each other. There's screaming, crying, and a whole lot of depression, and I'm genuinely unpleasant to be around."
Mark had a sly smile, which did not amuse Gia.
"I'm opening up to you, and you're having a laugh!"
"No, sorry, I was just thinking that," Mark said, struggling to justify himself, "I'll have to make sure this doesn't happen."
"The break up? Well, it's a nice thought, but it's a bit early to-"
"No, I mean not give anything for anyone to blame me over," Mark explained, "When I've broken up or been dumped, it's nothing like that. We genuinely realise there was nothing we could do, and leave amicably. I mean, sometimes I'll feel guilty, and she'll not want to talk to me, but that doesn't last that long."
"Well, like you said, hopefully we won't end up in that situation," Gia said, then, suddenly happy said, "Let's change the topic to something happier."
"Yeah, that was a bit glum. So, how has your work been at the radio station?"
"Oh, everything seems to be going on fine now. I had a problem with one of the guys there, Steve, but the others have told me they want me to stay so-" Gia began, stopping midway, "It's a nice way to take a break, you know what I mean? That's why I'm glad that this problem Steve had with me, it's not going to stop me from working there."
"What problem did he have with you?"
"I don't know, honestly. And neither does anyone else really. He's just been cagey and unfriendly from day one. I thought it was a personality clash for a while, but, usually in those cases dislike is mutual. But I really didn't have a problem with him originally."
"Hmm," Mark said, thinking it over, idly twirling his coffee with a teaspoon, "Did you ever think he may fancy you?"
Gia let out a loud laugh at this suggestion, "Steve? Like me? Steve doesn't like anyone who doesn't help him get laid."
"Well, you are a woman. I'm sure you'd be able to...or at least get friends to-"
"And he doesn't like any women intelligent and self confident enough to realise his tactics, and respond to them," Gia explained, "He doesn't want it, and I ain't offering it. And I'm not making any of my friends suffer his erotic ministrations."
"It's still possible. You know, like in primary school. The kid you liked the most you were always the meanest too."
Gia smiled lightly, "I don't know whether to agree with you, and get to compare Steve to a immature boy, or maintain my position, thereby preventing me having to think of Steve being attracted to me."
"Seriously, be careful. It sounds like he'll try to take advantage," Mark said.
"And when he does, I have my Buffy-esque moves ready and waiting," Gia said, "Anyway, that's my relaxation technique sorted. What's yours?"
"Oh, I don't have time for anything more than work and sleep."
"And going out with me."
"Of course, and going out with you," Mark said, quickly explaining, "With work, there's so much hectic hours, there isn't time for a regular hobby or activity. I mean, I can find space to go out with you, but not much else."
"So, what you're saying is...your relaxation technique...is me?"
Mark was taken aback, looking surprised before nervously saying, "Well, I guess if you put it like that, sort of."
Gia had a wide grin, "Good. Only one date and already I'm a part of your lifestyle. I should have you barking on my command by the weekend."
"Oh," Mark said, still shocked, "That was a joke, right?"
"Yes, that was a joke," Gia said, letting Mark relax before adding, "I'm fairly certain you'll be barking on command by the time we leave this restaurant."
Mark once again looked shocked, so Gia placed a hand on his wrist, reassuringly, "Oh, relax. If I have you barking like a dog anytime soon, it will be doing something you enjoy."
"My surname is McClaren, I'm an insurance broker, and I've got no criminal convictions of any sort," Mark explained.
"Sorry," Gia said, "I knew you weren't a serial killer, but a friend of mine's been pestering me about it and-"
"It's all right," Mark cut in, "After I left last time I realised you knew very little about me and-serial killer?"
"I know a lot of paranoid, over protective idiots," Gia explained.
Oh," Mark said, raising an eyebrow, "Do they have any reason to be?"
Gia cringed as he said it, and Mark extended are hand over to her wrist, to reassure her, "It's okay. Don't ask if it's getting too personal."
"No, it's okay. I'm just not sure you want me to unload onto you," Gia said.
"I'll say stop if it gets too much."
"Okay," Gia said, taking a deep breath, "I break up badly."
"Doesn't everyone?" Mark asked, genuinely interested.
"No, not exactly. I mean, when I'm in a relationship, and it's going well, it's like a euphoria, a strong joy. And when I break up, it's the exact amount of euphoria in reverse. Everyone blames each other. There's screaming, crying, and a whole lot of depression, and I'm genuinely unpleasant to be around."
Mark had a sly smile, which did not amuse Gia.
"I'm opening up to you, and you're having a laugh!"
"No, sorry, I was just thinking that," Mark said, struggling to justify himself, "I'll have to make sure this doesn't happen."
"The break up? Well, it's a nice thought, but it's a bit early to-"
"No, I mean not give anything for anyone to blame me over," Mark explained, "When I've broken up or been dumped, it's nothing like that. We genuinely realise there was nothing we could do, and leave amicably. I mean, sometimes I'll feel guilty, and she'll not want to talk to me, but that doesn't last that long."
"Well, like you said, hopefully we won't end up in that situation," Gia said, then, suddenly happy said, "Let's change the topic to something happier."
"Yeah, that was a bit glum. So, how has your work been at the radio station?"
"Oh, everything seems to be going on fine now. I had a problem with one of the guys there, Steve, but the others have told me they want me to stay so-" Gia began, stopping midway, "It's a nice way to take a break, you know what I mean? That's why I'm glad that this problem Steve had with me, it's not going to stop me from working there."
"What problem did he have with you?"
"I don't know, honestly. And neither does anyone else really. He's just been cagey and unfriendly from day one. I thought it was a personality clash for a while, but, usually in those cases dislike is mutual. But I really didn't have a problem with him originally."
"Hmm," Mark said, thinking it over, idly twirling his coffee with a teaspoon, "Did you ever think he may fancy you?"
Gia let out a loud laugh at this suggestion, "Steve? Like me? Steve doesn't like anyone who doesn't help him get laid."
"Well, you are a woman. I'm sure you'd be able to...or at least get friends to-"
"And he doesn't like any women intelligent and self confident enough to realise his tactics, and respond to them," Gia explained, "He doesn't want it, and I ain't offering it. And I'm not making any of my friends suffer his erotic ministrations."
"It's still possible. You know, like in primary school. The kid you liked the most you were always the meanest too."
Gia smiled lightly, "I don't know whether to agree with you, and get to compare Steve to a immature boy, or maintain my position, thereby preventing me having to think of Steve being attracted to me."
"Seriously, be careful. It sounds like he'll try to take advantage," Mark said.
"And when he does, I have my Buffy-esque moves ready and waiting," Gia said, "Anyway, that's my relaxation technique sorted. What's yours?"
"Oh, I don't have time for anything more than work and sleep."
"And going out with me."
"Of course, and going out with you," Mark said, quickly explaining, "With work, there's so much hectic hours, there isn't time for a regular hobby or activity. I mean, I can find space to go out with you, but not much else."
"So, what you're saying is...your relaxation technique...is me?"
Mark was taken aback, looking surprised before nervously saying, "Well, I guess if you put it like that, sort of."
Gia had a wide grin, "Good. Only one date and already I'm a part of your lifestyle. I should have you barking on my command by the weekend."
"Oh," Mark said, still shocked, "That was a joke, right?"
"Yes, that was a joke," Gia said, letting Mark relax before adding, "I'm fairly certain you'll be barking on command by the time we leave this restaurant."
Mark once again looked shocked, so Gia placed a hand on his wrist, reassuringly, "Oh, relax. If I have you barking like a dog anytime soon, it will be doing something you enjoy."
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