Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > i only obssess over you
We were inseparable. Our world was one that had been recovered. Rebuilt. Our love growing, maturing. It was intoxicating. We were addicts. Hands grasping, hearts racing, eyes in dilation. We lived by our hearts not our minds. We walked hand in hand. The damaged children , the ones they all wanted to know, to understand. We laughed at their attempts, there was no way of understanding our world. This was our world, the world where we were the addicts to the drug, the passion of one another.
*flashback*
"we are so gross" I laughed as we lay on the couch of his office in our afterglow. He laughed, his hearty laugh, the one that forces you to involuntarily smile. How I loved to see him smile.
" Round two?" he asked winking. I nodded. There was something in the air. We couldn't stop, every spare moment, we couldn't refrain from keeping our hands off one another. The fact I had been kicked out from home for that exact problem had fueled our dependency on each other. My parents had kicked and screamed as Pete and I packed my things into his car, my father calling him every insult under the sun. After we had everything in his car we sat in silence but disrupted it by bursting into laughter. I now resided in either Pete's room in his parents house or in the FOB tour bus when we were on the road.
It was Friday afternoon in the hot Chicago summer. The boys had been out at the studio working. I lay on Pete's parents patio swing. I had just come home from work. My sidekick buzzed on my belly. I flipped it open. A text from Pete. I smirked, people thought he was this tool, this guy who was all rock star, all egotistical, all fake but when I got texts like that from him, it reminded me of how normal he was.
Miss u,cm n visit me,cm n luv me it read.
Wt do I get outa it? I replied.
Listn 2 hushsounds new stf I rolled my eyes
Need more incentives,is the rec gd? No reply, I laughed thinking he had given up. Then the sidekick started playing "im just a girl" by no doubt indicating an incoming call.
" Im not going" I stated, not giving him a chance to sweet talk me.
"Cmon baby, you know you want to" he said.
"Nope" I replied and hung up. I loved playing cat and mouse with him. New text
Heres n insentive it read followed with a picture message. Pete pouting. I rolled my eyes. And a new message came in. Pete, pants down holding out the new Hush Sound CD in front of little Petey. I gasped and burst out laughing.
Call dat insentive?might wrk on ur fangrls,not me I replied laughing. I didn't get a reply for a while. He must have given up I thought to myself. I did want to see him I was just enjoying teasing him way too much. They phone bussed again. I grabbed my keys ready to go and visit the boys. I slipped into my car and opened the picture message.
Insentive enough? I scrolled down to see the picture, and there in full screen was my boyfriend having a bit too much fun on his own. I laughed , this was typical Pete. He knew the shock effect he had on people and sadly this was fueling the fire we both couldn't contain.
I arrived at the offices, where the boys had been "meeting", I had heard it had something to do with an award nomination of some sort, my theory was they were sitting around a table talking about how cool it would be to meet Ciara and how hot she was, and who they'd get pictures taken with. I was right, the guys sat around, food all over a big business table. I said quick hellos to Andy, Patrick and Joe, Pete smirked upon seeing me. He knew he had won me over. I walked up to him grabbed his hand and led him out of the room.
" show me the hushies new stuff" I bluffed , even though his band mates were fully aware that Pete was not going to show me the new record. Patrick's cheeks reddened, Joe squirmed
"Yeah sure, the new record" Andy said rolling his eyes.
"Its Tuesday morning and your listening to C101, Chi-towns best music" the alarm clock informed me. " Its now 8am and hot as hell itself" the DJ said. I groaned poking Pete to switch off the radio. He yawned and reached for the alarm radio hitting anything in its way. I giggled as he struggled. Finally I sat up reaching over him to switch it off. He smiled up at me sleepily. I kissed him and rested my head on the crook of his neck. We were both clearly not ready to be up and facing the world.
"who puts on alarm radios on anyways?" I said as I scratched his bartskull tattoo. He was like a dog, he loved it when I did that. He yawned again.
" responsible young adults like us" he said. I laughed. Us responsible? Sure lets go with that. His sidekick started playing the star wars theme. Joe had forced all of us to get it. He really was a child.
" Ignore it" I told him as he eyed his precious sidekick. I swear I could see his eye twitching at the thought. It kept buzzing. Then suddenly it stopped. I grinned. Then suddenly it started up again. But stopped briefly after. Then just when I thought we were going to catch a few more Z's "ANSWER THE PHONE WENTZ... YOU KNOW U WANA!! ANSWER IT.. ANSWER IT!! AAAAAAAANNNNNSWWWEEERRRR IIIIITTTT" this was Dirties specialized ringtone. I laughed as Pete blocked his ears. Finally Joe called again and Pete leaped out of bed to answer it. 3 calls no answer, I was pretty damn proud.
" Yo Wentz house of love" he answered. I rolled my eyes. He was quiet for a while.
"what are you talking about?" confused expression. " joe don't mess with me man, that's not funny" eye twitch " you do realize if your joking that you're dead right? Like lying in a coffin dead" he sat on the bed scratching his head. I sat next to him, leaning on his shoulder. Clearly Joe was having a meltdown.
" Are you sure?... no I haven't .. why the fuck would i.. its like 8am...why would I do that?...shut up trohman... no I swear to you... who the fuck would do that?" Pete started to sound angry, his face red and his hands shaking. "what is it?" I mouthed.
"Where? HOW THE FUCK?" Pete yelled. " Fine. Yeah ill call you" he hung up. He got up and switched on his computer. I pulled the t-shirt he had been wearing the day before on and followed.
"Baby? Are you ok?" I asked. He tapped away, no response. He was on google. He typed his name into the search box. I rolled my eyes at him. Diva. The image search popped up. And there he was in all his glory.
" GODDAMN IT!" he yelled slamming his fists hard on the keyboard..
"Pete?" I asked not knowing what to make of the images which had been sent to me the previous afternoon.
"I don't fucking know" Pete yelled causing me to jump. He got up and covered his face up with his hands.
"Did you do this?" he asked angrily, his finger pointing at me harshly.
" Do what?"
" THAT?!" he yelled pointing at the computer screen. I stood in his shirt, vulnerable and scared. He had never spoken to me like this before.
" you sent them to me" I said softly. He cracked his neck.
" I know I did, but did you show someone? Or send it out to someone?" he said through his teeth.
" No!" I shouted back. " why the fuck would I?"
" Well then if you didn't and I didn't then why the FUCK are they on the internet and on magazines Lexy!"
" I don't know!!!" I screamed back. I couldn't believe he was blaming me. His phone started to ring and it didn't stop the next 12 hours.
We tried to find out who had done it, how it happened but the more questions we asked the more we were faced with.
" I quit. There is no way the bands surviving this" Pete announced to Patrick and I in his kitchen.
" Don't be ridiculous" Patrick breathed out.
" He's right Pete, you cant quit, this will blow over" I said trying to put rationality into his distraught mentality.
" Do you have pictures of your penis on the internet for the world to see? He snapped.
" Your not quitting" I told him.
Three bottles of vodka later, Pete was passed out on my lap. Andy, Joe, Patrick and Adam, one of the FBR execs sat in Pete's living room.
" So.. uhhh did you see them?" Joe said bursting out laughing. I threw a pillow at him. We all laughed at eh expense of my poor boyfriend.
**
He was my first everything. I just never thought that would be one of the firsts I would ever experience. They never found out who had hacked our cells, nor did they find out that it was me who he had sent the "peen" to, it was just insinuated that it was to his "long term gf".It was also said that he had released the photos himself for free publicity because the band had been nominated for an MTV award and a Grammy. If people had seen the look on Pete's face, the rumors would have been put to rest. He protected my reputation by never making himself look like a hot shot with his skank girlfriend. He was my secret. I was his. Another piece to our secret puzzle.
We had tour the next few weeks. I remember packing and thinking how we had become nomadic. We came home only for a few weeks and then we left for a new adventure, yet it was all the same every time. We were the "straight edge crew" sure we drunk. We partied hard but someone got the idea we were as straight edge as they came, I've always thought it had something to do with Andy, he has and had that whole hippy vegan thing. But if anyone knew how to party it was definitely Hurley Burley. Tour that year took us to a new dimension. Our world was full of firsts.
* flashback*
" Lex, I cannot believe you and Wentz aren't married yet" Kate said grinning, her eyes glazed with joy. She was a romantic. I laughed.
"Pshhh he wishes" I joked as we walked back to the bus and away from our merch duties. We entered the bus to find Joe grinning at us. We exchanged looks. Something was definitely up.
" Don't try anything that man gives you" Andy said pulling Kate into a hug. I raised an eyebrow. Andy had changed over the years, Kate had been his secret girlfriend for a while and they had come out of the closet not long ago. I always knew there was someone softening Hurley Burley. Joe on the other hand sat on the couch, high as a kite.
" Joe, at least pretend not to be a stoner" I laughed grabbing a beer from the fridge.
"What?" he asked. I rolled my eyes. We had never been the junky type. We did love our drinks, but Joe was the only one who got into the weed thing. Drugs had never been cool to me, but they had intrigued me. In our world so many people did them I wanted to know what all the hype was about. Pete had always stopped me. He said that it was a road I didn't want to go down, that it had messed him up in the past.
" Joe where's Pete?" I asked. He shrugged. Talking to him was useless. " you want? He asked pulling a joint from his pocket.
" No she doesn't" Andy interrupted me before I could let a word escape my mouth. " I saw Pete outside by the way" he informed me.
I heard his infectious laughter before I spotted him with a small group. Only god knew what he had convinced them to do for his entertainment.I waslked over to them sliding my arms around his waist. He turned and pulled me next to him.
"Theres my girl!" he exclaimed, kissing my forehead, his hand in my back pocket. " And your wearing my hoodie and cologne" he said sniffing my hair and neck. I pushed him back.
" Stop you fucking weirdo"
"Am I weird? really?" he tightened his grip and exaggeratedly started to sniff me. I laughed hard struggling to get away. Dirty stood staring at us with alook of disgust "you guys make me wana puke"
" Cmon dirt man, feel the love" Pete said "your going to find some girl, some poor unfortunate girl" I laughed " That wont care that you're a walking cesspool of bacteria and then you can go and procreate to make baby dirts"
"Whatever Wentz" he said and walked towards the roadies van.
"Cmon lets go laugh at Trohman" I said pulling him towards the bus.
"Dammit I thought you were going to say, ' lets go make babies'" he said following.
Phoenix was out next destination and we all sat on the bus as we traveled along. Insomniatic because of overdoing the caffeine intake. Joe happily emerged from his bunk.
" Look what I scored: he said in a sing-song voice. A clear zip-lock bag with white powder in it. It dangled from his thumb and forefinger.
"Trohman what the fuck" Andy exclaimed.
"Hey, we havnt done this since... since wayyyy before Arma even thought about breaking up... maybe we should... I duno celebrate our greatness" he said trying to come up with a relevant reason to celebrate. I shook my head smiling. "well who needs a reason to celebrate, stop being pussys" he said as he cut up th powder into lines with his laminate. Patrick eyed him cautiously.
"Pete you want?" Joe asked after rolling a dollar bill and inhaling the soft white line. Pete cracked his neck. He hesitated for a little and then as usual, never backing down from a challenge he stood up, removing me from his lap. " Don't let me do anything stupid" he said as he hovered over the remaining 6 lines. He put the dollar bill to his nostril and held the other closed and in one swift inhalation the powder was gone. Kate was next, then Andy. Patrick eyed me nervously. I smiled back.
"Hey its cool Patrick, we're both newbies so, we can both look like idiots together and tomorrow we can both feel like shit together too" I said patting his arm reassuringly.He nodded and snorted. Pete was all smiley, standing next to me as I hovered over the last line.
" Hold you nostril closed baby" he instructed me pulling my hair back. I put the rolled bill to my nose and inhaled. No way near as smoothly as anyone else. It itched my nose and I coughed twice. Pete grinned at me. It took it a few seconds to hit me. I giggled at Pete who still stared at me with a toothy grin. He licked his finger and scooped up the remaining powder.
"here its yours" he said and I licked it off his finger. He burst out laughing and cupped my face in his hands
" I fucking love you" he said and we feverishly kissed. My head was in this magical cloud. I wasn't sure whether it was the drugs or whether it was Pete. We were all sitting together but it felt like Pete and I were in a completely separate universe. He was sitting behind me, more I was sitting between his legs, leaning on his chest. I was laughing at Joe's lisp which had never been funnier to Kate, Patrick and I. Joe rolled his eyes.
" Light weights" he scoffed. Kate tried to contain herself and took a sip of Andys beer but it all exploded from her mouth and dribbled from her nose. Tears ran down my eyes as I laughed. Joe, Pete and Andy shook their heads at us. I turned to see Pete with a cheesy grin on his face. Life was high that night.
I was woken up much to my dismay my sharp movements next to me. I grumbled. Stifled muffles could be heard followed by sobbing and more shuffling underneath the sheets we shared. I swallowed away my sleepiness and turned to Pete. He was having a nightmare. His face sweaty and conveying pain and fear. I sat up next to him, cupping his face.
"baby?" I asked. Still trapt in the dream he flinched and tried to struggle with my light shakes to wake him.
" No.. noo" he whined. " don't! please don't!" he pleaded.
" Pete? Pete? Its ok, its Lexy" I held on to his shoulders pushing back the sweaty bangs off his face. " Its ok baby wake up" I tried. His eyes flew open, dilated, full of fear. His breathing past paced and incontrollable. He looked around to take in his surroundings. To make sure his mind wasn't playing tricks, that he really was safe. It scared me.
" Your ok, its just a nightmare" I cooed cupping his face and kissing his forehead. He nodded and swallowed hard. His tense body eased up after a short period as his breathing evened out. I was compelled to ask.
" pete?" he hummed an answer in to my hair " Is that why you stopped?" I asked refereeing to the drugs and the nightmares. He tensed up again, and let out a breath.
" Yeah, it uh... it messes with my head" he told me. I nodded and decided.
" We're never doing it again ok?"
**
Compromises are made in relationships. It's a normal thing. With us it was more a matter of give up something for my sanity. I was never addicted to drugs, but the temptation of getting high with Pete was erased from my mind that morning. I could never let him be afraid just for a few hours of loose inhibited fun. The truth of the matter was, I would have given my life for him, that was a fact back then, and still a fact today.
*flashback*
"we are so gross" I laughed as we lay on the couch of his office in our afterglow. He laughed, his hearty laugh, the one that forces you to involuntarily smile. How I loved to see him smile.
" Round two?" he asked winking. I nodded. There was something in the air. We couldn't stop, every spare moment, we couldn't refrain from keeping our hands off one another. The fact I had been kicked out from home for that exact problem had fueled our dependency on each other. My parents had kicked and screamed as Pete and I packed my things into his car, my father calling him every insult under the sun. After we had everything in his car we sat in silence but disrupted it by bursting into laughter. I now resided in either Pete's room in his parents house or in the FOB tour bus when we were on the road.
It was Friday afternoon in the hot Chicago summer. The boys had been out at the studio working. I lay on Pete's parents patio swing. I had just come home from work. My sidekick buzzed on my belly. I flipped it open. A text from Pete. I smirked, people thought he was this tool, this guy who was all rock star, all egotistical, all fake but when I got texts like that from him, it reminded me of how normal he was.
Miss u,cm n visit me,cm n luv me it read.
Wt do I get outa it? I replied.
Listn 2 hushsounds new stf I rolled my eyes
Need more incentives,is the rec gd? No reply, I laughed thinking he had given up. Then the sidekick started playing "im just a girl" by no doubt indicating an incoming call.
" Im not going" I stated, not giving him a chance to sweet talk me.
"Cmon baby, you know you want to" he said.
"Nope" I replied and hung up. I loved playing cat and mouse with him. New text
Heres n insentive it read followed with a picture message. Pete pouting. I rolled my eyes. And a new message came in. Pete, pants down holding out the new Hush Sound CD in front of little Petey. I gasped and burst out laughing.
Call dat insentive?might wrk on ur fangrls,not me I replied laughing. I didn't get a reply for a while. He must have given up I thought to myself. I did want to see him I was just enjoying teasing him way too much. They phone bussed again. I grabbed my keys ready to go and visit the boys. I slipped into my car and opened the picture message.
Insentive enough? I scrolled down to see the picture, and there in full screen was my boyfriend having a bit too much fun on his own. I laughed , this was typical Pete. He knew the shock effect he had on people and sadly this was fueling the fire we both couldn't contain.
I arrived at the offices, where the boys had been "meeting", I had heard it had something to do with an award nomination of some sort, my theory was they were sitting around a table talking about how cool it would be to meet Ciara and how hot she was, and who they'd get pictures taken with. I was right, the guys sat around, food all over a big business table. I said quick hellos to Andy, Patrick and Joe, Pete smirked upon seeing me. He knew he had won me over. I walked up to him grabbed his hand and led him out of the room.
" show me the hushies new stuff" I bluffed , even though his band mates were fully aware that Pete was not going to show me the new record. Patrick's cheeks reddened, Joe squirmed
"Yeah sure, the new record" Andy said rolling his eyes.
"Its Tuesday morning and your listening to C101, Chi-towns best music" the alarm clock informed me. " Its now 8am and hot as hell itself" the DJ said. I groaned poking Pete to switch off the radio. He yawned and reached for the alarm radio hitting anything in its way. I giggled as he struggled. Finally I sat up reaching over him to switch it off. He smiled up at me sleepily. I kissed him and rested my head on the crook of his neck. We were both clearly not ready to be up and facing the world.
"who puts on alarm radios on anyways?" I said as I scratched his bartskull tattoo. He was like a dog, he loved it when I did that. He yawned again.
" responsible young adults like us" he said. I laughed. Us responsible? Sure lets go with that. His sidekick started playing the star wars theme. Joe had forced all of us to get it. He really was a child.
" Ignore it" I told him as he eyed his precious sidekick. I swear I could see his eye twitching at the thought. It kept buzzing. Then suddenly it stopped. I grinned. Then suddenly it started up again. But stopped briefly after. Then just when I thought we were going to catch a few more Z's "ANSWER THE PHONE WENTZ... YOU KNOW U WANA!! ANSWER IT.. ANSWER IT!! AAAAAAAANNNNNSWWWEEERRRR IIIIITTTT" this was Dirties specialized ringtone. I laughed as Pete blocked his ears. Finally Joe called again and Pete leaped out of bed to answer it. 3 calls no answer, I was pretty damn proud.
" Yo Wentz house of love" he answered. I rolled my eyes. He was quiet for a while.
"what are you talking about?" confused expression. " joe don't mess with me man, that's not funny" eye twitch " you do realize if your joking that you're dead right? Like lying in a coffin dead" he sat on the bed scratching his head. I sat next to him, leaning on his shoulder. Clearly Joe was having a meltdown.
" Are you sure?... no I haven't .. why the fuck would i.. its like 8am...why would I do that?...shut up trohman... no I swear to you... who the fuck would do that?" Pete started to sound angry, his face red and his hands shaking. "what is it?" I mouthed.
"Where? HOW THE FUCK?" Pete yelled. " Fine. Yeah ill call you" he hung up. He got up and switched on his computer. I pulled the t-shirt he had been wearing the day before on and followed.
"Baby? Are you ok?" I asked. He tapped away, no response. He was on google. He typed his name into the search box. I rolled my eyes at him. Diva. The image search popped up. And there he was in all his glory.
" GODDAMN IT!" he yelled slamming his fists hard on the keyboard..
"Pete?" I asked not knowing what to make of the images which had been sent to me the previous afternoon.
"I don't fucking know" Pete yelled causing me to jump. He got up and covered his face up with his hands.
"Did you do this?" he asked angrily, his finger pointing at me harshly.
" Do what?"
" THAT?!" he yelled pointing at the computer screen. I stood in his shirt, vulnerable and scared. He had never spoken to me like this before.
" you sent them to me" I said softly. He cracked his neck.
" I know I did, but did you show someone? Or send it out to someone?" he said through his teeth.
" No!" I shouted back. " why the fuck would I?"
" Well then if you didn't and I didn't then why the FUCK are they on the internet and on magazines Lexy!"
" I don't know!!!" I screamed back. I couldn't believe he was blaming me. His phone started to ring and it didn't stop the next 12 hours.
We tried to find out who had done it, how it happened but the more questions we asked the more we were faced with.
" I quit. There is no way the bands surviving this" Pete announced to Patrick and I in his kitchen.
" Don't be ridiculous" Patrick breathed out.
" He's right Pete, you cant quit, this will blow over" I said trying to put rationality into his distraught mentality.
" Do you have pictures of your penis on the internet for the world to see? He snapped.
" Your not quitting" I told him.
Three bottles of vodka later, Pete was passed out on my lap. Andy, Joe, Patrick and Adam, one of the FBR execs sat in Pete's living room.
" So.. uhhh did you see them?" Joe said bursting out laughing. I threw a pillow at him. We all laughed at eh expense of my poor boyfriend.
**
He was my first everything. I just never thought that would be one of the firsts I would ever experience. They never found out who had hacked our cells, nor did they find out that it was me who he had sent the "peen" to, it was just insinuated that it was to his "long term gf".It was also said that he had released the photos himself for free publicity because the band had been nominated for an MTV award and a Grammy. If people had seen the look on Pete's face, the rumors would have been put to rest. He protected my reputation by never making himself look like a hot shot with his skank girlfriend. He was my secret. I was his. Another piece to our secret puzzle.
We had tour the next few weeks. I remember packing and thinking how we had become nomadic. We came home only for a few weeks and then we left for a new adventure, yet it was all the same every time. We were the "straight edge crew" sure we drunk. We partied hard but someone got the idea we were as straight edge as they came, I've always thought it had something to do with Andy, he has and had that whole hippy vegan thing. But if anyone knew how to party it was definitely Hurley Burley. Tour that year took us to a new dimension. Our world was full of firsts.
* flashback*
" Lex, I cannot believe you and Wentz aren't married yet" Kate said grinning, her eyes glazed with joy. She was a romantic. I laughed.
"Pshhh he wishes" I joked as we walked back to the bus and away from our merch duties. We entered the bus to find Joe grinning at us. We exchanged looks. Something was definitely up.
" Don't try anything that man gives you" Andy said pulling Kate into a hug. I raised an eyebrow. Andy had changed over the years, Kate had been his secret girlfriend for a while and they had come out of the closet not long ago. I always knew there was someone softening Hurley Burley. Joe on the other hand sat on the couch, high as a kite.
" Joe, at least pretend not to be a stoner" I laughed grabbing a beer from the fridge.
"What?" he asked. I rolled my eyes. We had never been the junky type. We did love our drinks, but Joe was the only one who got into the weed thing. Drugs had never been cool to me, but they had intrigued me. In our world so many people did them I wanted to know what all the hype was about. Pete had always stopped me. He said that it was a road I didn't want to go down, that it had messed him up in the past.
" Joe where's Pete?" I asked. He shrugged. Talking to him was useless. " you want? He asked pulling a joint from his pocket.
" No she doesn't" Andy interrupted me before I could let a word escape my mouth. " I saw Pete outside by the way" he informed me.
I heard his infectious laughter before I spotted him with a small group. Only god knew what he had convinced them to do for his entertainment.I waslked over to them sliding my arms around his waist. He turned and pulled me next to him.
"Theres my girl!" he exclaimed, kissing my forehead, his hand in my back pocket. " And your wearing my hoodie and cologne" he said sniffing my hair and neck. I pushed him back.
" Stop you fucking weirdo"
"Am I weird? really?" he tightened his grip and exaggeratedly started to sniff me. I laughed hard struggling to get away. Dirty stood staring at us with alook of disgust "you guys make me wana puke"
" Cmon dirt man, feel the love" Pete said "your going to find some girl, some poor unfortunate girl" I laughed " That wont care that you're a walking cesspool of bacteria and then you can go and procreate to make baby dirts"
"Whatever Wentz" he said and walked towards the roadies van.
"Cmon lets go laugh at Trohman" I said pulling him towards the bus.
"Dammit I thought you were going to say, ' lets go make babies'" he said following.
Phoenix was out next destination and we all sat on the bus as we traveled along. Insomniatic because of overdoing the caffeine intake. Joe happily emerged from his bunk.
" Look what I scored: he said in a sing-song voice. A clear zip-lock bag with white powder in it. It dangled from his thumb and forefinger.
"Trohman what the fuck" Andy exclaimed.
"Hey, we havnt done this since... since wayyyy before Arma even thought about breaking up... maybe we should... I duno celebrate our greatness" he said trying to come up with a relevant reason to celebrate. I shook my head smiling. "well who needs a reason to celebrate, stop being pussys" he said as he cut up th powder into lines with his laminate. Patrick eyed him cautiously.
"Pete you want?" Joe asked after rolling a dollar bill and inhaling the soft white line. Pete cracked his neck. He hesitated for a little and then as usual, never backing down from a challenge he stood up, removing me from his lap. " Don't let me do anything stupid" he said as he hovered over the remaining 6 lines. He put the dollar bill to his nostril and held the other closed and in one swift inhalation the powder was gone. Kate was next, then Andy. Patrick eyed me nervously. I smiled back.
"Hey its cool Patrick, we're both newbies so, we can both look like idiots together and tomorrow we can both feel like shit together too" I said patting his arm reassuringly.He nodded and snorted. Pete was all smiley, standing next to me as I hovered over the last line.
" Hold you nostril closed baby" he instructed me pulling my hair back. I put the rolled bill to my nose and inhaled. No way near as smoothly as anyone else. It itched my nose and I coughed twice. Pete grinned at me. It took it a few seconds to hit me. I giggled at Pete who still stared at me with a toothy grin. He licked his finger and scooped up the remaining powder.
"here its yours" he said and I licked it off his finger. He burst out laughing and cupped my face in his hands
" I fucking love you" he said and we feverishly kissed. My head was in this magical cloud. I wasn't sure whether it was the drugs or whether it was Pete. We were all sitting together but it felt like Pete and I were in a completely separate universe. He was sitting behind me, more I was sitting between his legs, leaning on his chest. I was laughing at Joe's lisp which had never been funnier to Kate, Patrick and I. Joe rolled his eyes.
" Light weights" he scoffed. Kate tried to contain herself and took a sip of Andys beer but it all exploded from her mouth and dribbled from her nose. Tears ran down my eyes as I laughed. Joe, Pete and Andy shook their heads at us. I turned to see Pete with a cheesy grin on his face. Life was high that night.
I was woken up much to my dismay my sharp movements next to me. I grumbled. Stifled muffles could be heard followed by sobbing and more shuffling underneath the sheets we shared. I swallowed away my sleepiness and turned to Pete. He was having a nightmare. His face sweaty and conveying pain and fear. I sat up next to him, cupping his face.
"baby?" I asked. Still trapt in the dream he flinched and tried to struggle with my light shakes to wake him.
" No.. noo" he whined. " don't! please don't!" he pleaded.
" Pete? Pete? Its ok, its Lexy" I held on to his shoulders pushing back the sweaty bangs off his face. " Its ok baby wake up" I tried. His eyes flew open, dilated, full of fear. His breathing past paced and incontrollable. He looked around to take in his surroundings. To make sure his mind wasn't playing tricks, that he really was safe. It scared me.
" Your ok, its just a nightmare" I cooed cupping his face and kissing his forehead. He nodded and swallowed hard. His tense body eased up after a short period as his breathing evened out. I was compelled to ask.
" pete?" he hummed an answer in to my hair " Is that why you stopped?" I asked refereeing to the drugs and the nightmares. He tensed up again, and let out a breath.
" Yeah, it uh... it messes with my head" he told me. I nodded and decided.
" We're never doing it again ok?"
**
Compromises are made in relationships. It's a normal thing. With us it was more a matter of give up something for my sanity. I was never addicted to drugs, but the temptation of getting high with Pete was erased from my mind that morning. I could never let him be afraid just for a few hours of loose inhibited fun. The truth of the matter was, I would have given my life for him, that was a fact back then, and still a fact today.
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