Categories > Anime/Manga > Ranma 1/2 > Sexy Moms, Horny Losers

What's love got to do with it?

by bop 0 Reviews

Ranma's now got three Tendo fiancées: Akane, Nabiki and their cousin 'Ranko'. Ranko was an accident. But he's going to have trouble convincing Nodoka of that, she believes that he and 'Ranko' are ...

Category: Ranma 1/2 - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Crossover, Humor, Parody - Characters: Akane, Genma, Kasumi, Nabiki, Nodoka, Ranma, Soun, Other - Warnings: [!!] - Published: 2007/05/09 - Updated: 2007/05/10 - 2319 words

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Sexy Moms, Horny Losers

(A Ranma ½ x Sexy Losers Fusion)

by avis de rapina

--oO0Oo--

Disclaimer: My bank gave me a watch for Christmas. Instead of a Timex they gave me a 'Time'sUp'. It counts down the time until my next payment's due.

Summary: Ranma's now got three Tendo fiancées: Akane, Nabiki and their cousin 'Ranko'. Ranko was an accident. But he's going to have trouble convincing Nodoka of that, she believes that he and 'Ranko' are already having sex. Nabiki is new, but she seems to be actually looking forward to the sex. Akane has just about convinced herself to have sex... and might be ready to admit she loves him.

/"What's love got to do with it?"/

-----

Ryoga ran away from the Tendo Dojo. The scene he had just witnessed replayed in his mind - Akane and Nabiki are BISEXUALS? They want to have sex with Ranma in BOTH his male and female forms? And both of them are willing to marry Ranma? Together?!!! There's no way I can train to beat him at THAT!!

He kept running. Tears filled his eyes and half-blinded him; he didn't care, this was one time he wished he could get as lost as possible. Nabiki doesn't surprise me. But Akane? ...Oh how cruelly have you shattered my heart of glass!

He found himself in a clearing. A green aura started to surround him. And Akari! Oh I am fortune's fool! Why did I leave you for Akane... only to learn that Ranma has finally and undeniably beaten me!

He honestly couldn't understand why he had left her. Akari was beautiful, kind, caring and well-to-do. She knew about his curses yet was willing to marry him. She was willing to risk acquiring the 'curse of the traveling Hibikis' without a second thought. And his Jusenkyo curse fazed her not in the least. In fact she was delighted with it. Perhaps... a little too delighted. Her saucy innuendoes and all the 'cuddle time' she'd initiated helped to cure him of his tendency to nosebleed. He just couldn't understand why she always did this in close proximity to cold water. The suspicion that there might be some reason Katsunishiki acted so jealously at those times finally tainted the relationship for Ryoga.

And now his first and only remaining chance at love had freely given herself to another. The green aura rose into the sky.

"Shishi Hokodan!"

-----

A girl with short brown hair ran up to the crater that had suddenly formed at the parking lot of Minato-ku's Aoyama Cemetery. Although what had sounded like an explosion preceded the crater's formation, that falling cloud of green mist didn't look like it was made by an explosion. Besides, she thought she'd seen a boy standing right where the mist had landed.

She stopped herself just in time when she noticed a slightly bigger cloud rise and fall into the crater. She heard a voice cry out something just before the cloud fell and widened the crater.

Edging close, she saw a well-built boy in his late teens standing in the middle of the crater. His clothes were charred and his skin was smudged. But from what she could tell of his features he looked rather cute.

Seeing a green mist start to form around him, she decided to do something.

-----

Ryoga was depressed. He had failed to kill himself with his first two Shishi hokodans. Actually that was good. The depression over those failures was just enough for him to form the "Perfect Shishi Ho..."

"Hey there!"

"..."

"Hey you, the cute boy! Look over here!"

Ryoga turned and looked up. He saw an attractive brunette in her late teens or early twenties dressed in a well-filled red halter top and tight denim cut-off shorts. She was standing at the edge of the crater and waving at him. He shyly waved back.

"Are you trying to kill yourself?"

Ryoga was dumbfounded at the girl's question. But an unaccustomed honesty made him answer. "Um... Yes?"

"Why'd a cute-looking hunk like you want to do a thing like that?"

Ryoga started to feel a glimmer of hope. This girl thought that he was a 'cute-looking hunk' and she was a certifiable babe herself! Perhaps he could forget Akane, Akari, Ranma... and make a new start! He decided to try to gain the babe's pity.

"Because I have nothing to live for! I turned away a woman who loves me to pursue the girl I loved... Only to lose her to my so-called friend!"

"Oh..." The girl looked him over and nodded to herself.

"Would it be alright if I had sex with you?" she asked.

Ryoga was ecstatic. All thoughts of killing himself over Akane's choice were banished. A perfect stranger... A HOT perfect stranger just walked up and asked to have sex with him!

"Y-- You're willing to have sex with me to prevent me from killing myself?" He wanted to make sure that he wasn't dreaming.

"Of course not!" Tomoe Toyosaka exclaimed in surprise. "I want to have sex with you AFTER you kill yourself"

"..."

"You see, I'm in love with this guy, but he only wants to have sex with dead girls. I figure once he sees me doing you at the mortuary, he'll finally get jealous enough to give me the time of day."

"..."

"Well? I always wanted to try it with a dead guy myself and you're not too burned up." This will show that Shiunji!

"Shishi hokodan!"

"Is that a 'yes' then?"

--oO0Oo--

Back in the Tendo Dojo, Ranma-chan was heading for a confrontation with 'her' mother.

His earlier resolve had reasserted itself. Revealing the curses and the secret of his identity still was the right thing to do. He also had to put a stop to this business of being engaged to his girl form... especially before Akane found out.

"...Nabiki-chan!" came his mother's voice from the dining room.

Crap! Nabiki's here! If I don't get this stopped now she's definitely gonna put the squeeze on me for her not to tell Akane about this. Momma's only gonna chop-off my head... Akane's REALLY gonna kill me! I may be killin' myself, but I won't die a pauper!

Not stopping to consider that if Nabiki had arrived then Akane most likely had also, Ranma-chan slid open the shoji and called out, "Momma, there's something I have to tell y..."

Only to cut off and sweatdrop profusely as she noticed a glowing Akane seated opposite Nodoka. Crap! I'm gonna die a virgin!

Nodoka turned towards the second-to-the-latest fiancée of her manly son. "'Momma...' Oh, how happy hearing that makes me! Thank you, Ranko-cha... Thank you, 'daughter'. How I can't wait to call all three of you daughters!"

"Th-- Three?" Ranma-chan asked. She paled as she noticed Nabiki smirking at the other door. A feeling of impending doom crept up her spine.

"Yes, Ranko-chan, three. Not only did your lover Akane-chan agree to be co-wife in your marriage to my MANLY son, your cousin Nabiki-chan also agreed to join you and her sister!"

Ranma-chan was too startled to facefault. Her jaw had dropped half-way open and the rest of her muscles had completely frozen. All she could do was repeatedly blink-blink as she tried to figure out just which kami her father had PO'd. And look, here comes Akane! Doom was no longer impending, it had arrived.

-----

Akane was just about to shout at Nabiki for trying to steal HER fiancé... fiancée... her Ranma, when said person's arrival stopped her in time. Kami, I almost blew it! Auntie Nodoka WANTS us to share Ranma. Why would NABIKI want to marry Ranma? Does she know something I don't? What are those 'lessons' Ranma keeps going to her room for? Second term doesn't start until September!

Thoughts of what kind of lessons her pervert fiancé could be learning from or teaching to her mercenary sister flitted through Akane's imagination.

"...agreed to join you and her sister!" Nodoka's words called Akane back to reality.

She surreptitiously wiped her bloody nose as she stood up. She then aimed a smoky gaze at an immobile Ranma-chan as she slowly walked over to her target.

She stood before her. Ranma-chan's eyes finally focused on her and widened. Akane shot a glance in Nabiki's direction, then turned back to Ranma-chan.

Oh well. Auntie No-- Momma Nodoka's already expecting it anyway.

"Wo ai ni. Wo da, Airen," she said in her best Shampoo impersonation.

Then she gave the shorter girl a Japanese Amazon 'Kiss of Marriage'. (The difference was that Ranma-chan's half-open mouth easily allowed Akane to poke at her tonsils.)

Akane let go as Ranma-chan collapsed in a faint. She then looked over at Nabiki and gave a triumphant smile.

Only to have it falter as Nabiki returned a smile that was filled with another emotion &#8211; desire.

She herself assumed a deer-in-the-headlights expression as Nabiki's arms enfolded her and her mouth captured hers in a kiss.

Oh well. Momma Nodoka already thinks I'm committing incest with cousin 'Ranko'... Akane thought, just before returning Nabiki's kiss. 'In for a penny... In for a pound' as Miss Hinako says.

Aha! Nabiki thought. So this is where Saotome learned to French kiss! Not bad, her suction could use a little work though.

Thus began the first All-Tendo Marital Arts Osculatory Championship.

"Oh my, Akane! What do you think you're doing?!"

Kasumi stepped over to a just-recovered Ranma-chan. "That's not the way you're supposed to kiss. Watch and you'll see how it's supposed to be done!" There's NO way I'm going to lose my title!

Nodoka just broke-out her victory fans and did her grandbabies dance.

Thud! In the engawa a half-frozen panda fell to the floor.

--oO0Oo--

Kasumi was smiling to herself as she cleaned-up after Nodoka left to dance around the ward. She had fun playing her little joke on Ranma and her sisters. She was fond of Ranma, just not in that way... yet.

She was content with her life and thought that she was getting enough practice for when she started a family of her own. She was getting tired of waiting though. She was becoming concerned that Tofu wouldn't ever stop acting silly enough to pop the question.

At first it had been their gag to get the clinic to empty-out whenever she wanted to come over for 'lessons'. Nothing risqué at first. A private meal, snogging, sensual massages... She had hoped that they were getting somewhere when he started lending her his illustrated editions of the 'Kama Sutra' last year.

Then all of a sudden, he started to keep acting silly even when the two of them were alone. For the past five months Tofu kept giving her 'Curious George' whenever she asked for the 'Kama Sutra'. She didn't understand it. Perhaps she shouldn't have told him about her new penpal Miho's problems finding a lover who shared her family's interest in coprophilia.

It wasn't like she was interested in doing that herself. Although she did keep a jar of her dried poo under the sink for when Miho finally comes over for a visit. She just couldn't understand why Akane kept moving it whenever she tried to cook.

"Tadaima!"

"Okaeri nasai, otou-san!" She greeted Soun. "Oh, we have... guests?"

-----

Soun returned home from the ward council meeting. Just as he was about to enter the gate he heard someone call out."

"Excuse me, sir. Is this the residence of Ranko Tendo?"

He turned and saw a young man in his late teens or early twenties. He looked fit but was obviously not into martial arts. Hmm, I doubt that this young man is here to challenge Ranma. He does look like he might be a good match for Nabiki or maybe Kasumi...

His notice passed to a conservatively-dressed woman standing slightly behind the young man. Now why would a young man come here looking for 'Ranko' and be accompanied by his... mother? He quickly glanced over the attractive redhead without staring too long at her features. Could Genma have made yet another engagement for Ranma, this time as Ranko?

"It is. I am her uncle, Soun Tendo. May I ask who you are and what your business is with her?"

The young man bowed. "Good evening, Mr. Tendo. My name is Kentaro Shibata and this is my mother Rumiko. Your niece fell and drowned in our pool last week. After we revived her, she insisted on leaving. We were concerned about her and just managed to track her down."

Soun smiled with relief and bowed deeply. "Please pardon me for my rudeness! Please come in and accept our thanks for your help."

He shook hands with the fine young ma... prospective son-in-law, and his mother. Now that's a damn fine looking woman. I wonder if she's widowed or a divorcé? There's more than one way to make this boy my 'son'.

A thought struck him as he showed them into his home. Now why does she look familiar?
"Ah, Kasumi. These people saved Ranko's life when she had a swimming accident last week. Is she in the house? Or perhaps Ranma?

"Ranma?" the woman asked brightly. "You wouldn't happen to be speaking about Ranma Saotome would you?"

Mention of Ranma's name clicked a switch in Kasumi's brain. She had been trying to puzzle out who the woman reminded her of.

"Yes, Shibata-san. Ranma Saotome is the fiancé of my youngest daughter Akane. Do you know of him?"

"Oh my! Shibata-san, are you Auntie Nodoka's sister?"

-----

A/N: That's a cameo by the lovelorn Tomoe and mention of one more SL character in this chapter. And the Shibatas make their reappearance. You really CAN crossover Ranma with anything! Or maybe it's 'Sexy Losers' that's so flexible? I'm toying with an idea where Makoto Kino finally reunites with her long-lost sempai... Shiunji Watanabe. :-)

--oO0Oo--
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