Categories > Original > Humor > Five Minute Soap Dish
Week 23
"Okay, so....pasta is on the boil, sauce already prepared, just needs to be reheated, cakes are decorated, salad in fridge....so...." Nick said, mostly to himself as he stared around his kitchen..
"You can relax?" Steve asked, leaning against Nick's fridge, casually.
"No! Of course not. There's...there's, the slices. I haven't finished the top layer of the slices yet. And the vegetarian dish. There has to be a vegetarian dish prepared. Where did I put the tofu," Nick said, darting around like he was on speed, before stopping in front of Steve.
"What?" Steve asked.
Taking his friend by the shoulders, in a feat of strength not understood by either party, Nick swung Steve from the fridge to the doorway of the kitchen. And with one final push, Steve was forced into the living room.
"Stay the fuck out of my kitchen when I'm cooking!" Nick yelled, as he opened the fridge.
"I was only trying to help!" Steve called back.
"You want to help? You want to help?" Nick yelled, his voice echoing back from the inner most depths of the fridge, "Go back to when you planned this thing, and cancel that idea from that moment."
"Oh, you're still pissed off about that. Come on, admit it. You're never happier than when you're busy. This is your chance to impress everyone with the only thing you can do well."
"No! This is my chance to let you impress everyone when you claim that the food I'm pouring my sweat and blood into is all due to your work."
"Hey, I offered to help. You want to make yourself responsible for everything, fine, but don't complain about how hard it is," Steve said, "I mean, agreeing to even speak to you is big of me, considering what you did."
"Oh, shut up about the whole, locking you in a room with Gia thing. It's just getting old. Sure, we did it, and it was pretty funny. But I said sorry, Kelly said-"
"Actually, neither you nor Kelly said sorry. You just hinted that you wished you didn't put Gia through that," Steve corrected him.
Nick ignored him, focusing on placing tofu into the mixing bowl, "Whatever, and it wasn't even as serious a punishment. I was locking you in a room with a really nice person, who's a good conversationalist, and even female. Most people would kill to be in that position. You'd usually kill to be in that position. But no, you complain."
The doorbell rang, interrupting the argument.
"You want to get that, or shall I?" Steve asked.
"My shirt's covered in tofu, and if I leave this kitchen at all, I may just kill you," Nick said, switching on the electric mixer to silence any of Steve's responses.
Steve went and opened the door, and quickly had to hide his surprise when he saw who was waiting for him.
"Hi Steve," Gothic Rose said with a smile, quickly hugging him.
"Hey...you. I'm surprised to see you-"
"That text message you sent me was so delightful. I couldn't wait to see what you've prepared," she said, still holding along.
"Oh yes, the text message, that I sent you. It was nice, wasn't it?" Steve said, pulling the girl off him, "But I was saying, it's a surprise to see you so early."
"Well," Gothic Rose smiled broadly, clutching Steve's hands, "I wanted to catch you on your own, before everyone else arrived, interrupting our special moment."
"Our special moment, eh?" Steve said, beginning to sweat, removing himself from Gothic Rose's hands, "Excuse me, I think I'm needed in the kitchen."
"You are fucking not!" Nick called back, hearing somehow, despite the noise of the electric mixer, which was then switched off.
Steve laughed nervously, as he got up, and called back, in a musical tone, "Yes I fucking am."
He then rushed into the kitchen, closing the door behind him, before seeing Nick facing him with a meat knife. Steve leapt back against the door.
"What did I say about coming into my kitchen?"
"It's an emergency!" Steve hissed.
"What did I say?"
"Not to," Steve said, "Now, do you want to drop the knife?"
Nick dropped it into the sink, "As long as the message is sent. Now, you were talking about an emergency, so I'm presuming somehow my life's in danger."
"Not exactly," Steve said, moving away from the door.
"Okay, what?"
"Well, when I sent out the invite to Evelyn, I think I sent it to Gothic Rose instead," Steve explained.
"So what? I thought you were screwing them both."
"Well, not exactly. I'm not screwing Evelyn, which is why I was having this...this is pointless. What I mean is that I must have accidentally listed Gothic Rose under Evelyn's name in my mobile. So I texted Gothic Rose."
"Again, so what?"
"Well, later I gave the details in a phone conversation with Evelyn, so I invited them both. I think I've invited two girls to be my date to this dinner party-"
Nick turned to the sink, "I'm getting that knife again."
Steve put two restraining hands on Nicks shoulders, "Come on, man. I'm begging you."
"For what? As far as I can see you've created a giant hole you can't get out of. The only way out is if you tell this girl...Gothic Rose, that you're a bastard, and get her to leave."
"Can't you do it?" Steve whined.
Nick turned around, to see Steve's clenched brow, "Oh God, you're serious."
"Think about it. She already hates you. I invite her into the kitchen to see the food being made, you insult her, she leaves quickly, a bit angry at me, but nothing a phone call won't fix. Then Evelyn comes over, and no one's the wiser-"
"And you get to sleep with them both," Nick said with a sneer, "No. Sort out your own mess."
Steve smiled evily, "But you can't resist. Gothic Rose is, as I said, a Goth, and you won't be able to resist insulting her when you come into contact with her. So all I need to do is bring her into this room."
"If you come in with her, I'll stab you," Nick said, grabbing the knife from the sink and pointing it at Nick.
"No, you won't," Steve corrected him.
There was a pause, before Nick grunted in anger, and put the knife back in the sink, "Damn."
Steve opened the kitchen door and called out for Gothic Rose, "Darling, do you want to come in here? See how the food's being made."
"Okay," came the response.
Steve turned back to Nick with an evil grin, "Oh, and by the way? That whole locking me in with Gia thing? Consider this revenge."
"Okay, so....pasta is on the boil, sauce already prepared, just needs to be reheated, cakes are decorated, salad in fridge....so...." Nick said, mostly to himself as he stared around his kitchen..
"You can relax?" Steve asked, leaning against Nick's fridge, casually.
"No! Of course not. There's...there's, the slices. I haven't finished the top layer of the slices yet. And the vegetarian dish. There has to be a vegetarian dish prepared. Where did I put the tofu," Nick said, darting around like he was on speed, before stopping in front of Steve.
"What?" Steve asked.
Taking his friend by the shoulders, in a feat of strength not understood by either party, Nick swung Steve from the fridge to the doorway of the kitchen. And with one final push, Steve was forced into the living room.
"Stay the fuck out of my kitchen when I'm cooking!" Nick yelled, as he opened the fridge.
"I was only trying to help!" Steve called back.
"You want to help? You want to help?" Nick yelled, his voice echoing back from the inner most depths of the fridge, "Go back to when you planned this thing, and cancel that idea from that moment."
"Oh, you're still pissed off about that. Come on, admit it. You're never happier than when you're busy. This is your chance to impress everyone with the only thing you can do well."
"No! This is my chance to let you impress everyone when you claim that the food I'm pouring my sweat and blood into is all due to your work."
"Hey, I offered to help. You want to make yourself responsible for everything, fine, but don't complain about how hard it is," Steve said, "I mean, agreeing to even speak to you is big of me, considering what you did."
"Oh, shut up about the whole, locking you in a room with Gia thing. It's just getting old. Sure, we did it, and it was pretty funny. But I said sorry, Kelly said-"
"Actually, neither you nor Kelly said sorry. You just hinted that you wished you didn't put Gia through that," Steve corrected him.
Nick ignored him, focusing on placing tofu into the mixing bowl, "Whatever, and it wasn't even as serious a punishment. I was locking you in a room with a really nice person, who's a good conversationalist, and even female. Most people would kill to be in that position. You'd usually kill to be in that position. But no, you complain."
The doorbell rang, interrupting the argument.
"You want to get that, or shall I?" Steve asked.
"My shirt's covered in tofu, and if I leave this kitchen at all, I may just kill you," Nick said, switching on the electric mixer to silence any of Steve's responses.
Steve went and opened the door, and quickly had to hide his surprise when he saw who was waiting for him.
"Hi Steve," Gothic Rose said with a smile, quickly hugging him.
"Hey...you. I'm surprised to see you-"
"That text message you sent me was so delightful. I couldn't wait to see what you've prepared," she said, still holding along.
"Oh yes, the text message, that I sent you. It was nice, wasn't it?" Steve said, pulling the girl off him, "But I was saying, it's a surprise to see you so early."
"Well," Gothic Rose smiled broadly, clutching Steve's hands, "I wanted to catch you on your own, before everyone else arrived, interrupting our special moment."
"Our special moment, eh?" Steve said, beginning to sweat, removing himself from Gothic Rose's hands, "Excuse me, I think I'm needed in the kitchen."
"You are fucking not!" Nick called back, hearing somehow, despite the noise of the electric mixer, which was then switched off.
Steve laughed nervously, as he got up, and called back, in a musical tone, "Yes I fucking am."
He then rushed into the kitchen, closing the door behind him, before seeing Nick facing him with a meat knife. Steve leapt back against the door.
"What did I say about coming into my kitchen?"
"It's an emergency!" Steve hissed.
"What did I say?"
"Not to," Steve said, "Now, do you want to drop the knife?"
Nick dropped it into the sink, "As long as the message is sent. Now, you were talking about an emergency, so I'm presuming somehow my life's in danger."
"Not exactly," Steve said, moving away from the door.
"Okay, what?"
"Well, when I sent out the invite to Evelyn, I think I sent it to Gothic Rose instead," Steve explained.
"So what? I thought you were screwing them both."
"Well, not exactly. I'm not screwing Evelyn, which is why I was having this...this is pointless. What I mean is that I must have accidentally listed Gothic Rose under Evelyn's name in my mobile. So I texted Gothic Rose."
"Again, so what?"
"Well, later I gave the details in a phone conversation with Evelyn, so I invited them both. I think I've invited two girls to be my date to this dinner party-"
Nick turned to the sink, "I'm getting that knife again."
Steve put two restraining hands on Nicks shoulders, "Come on, man. I'm begging you."
"For what? As far as I can see you've created a giant hole you can't get out of. The only way out is if you tell this girl...Gothic Rose, that you're a bastard, and get her to leave."
"Can't you do it?" Steve whined.
Nick turned around, to see Steve's clenched brow, "Oh God, you're serious."
"Think about it. She already hates you. I invite her into the kitchen to see the food being made, you insult her, she leaves quickly, a bit angry at me, but nothing a phone call won't fix. Then Evelyn comes over, and no one's the wiser-"
"And you get to sleep with them both," Nick said with a sneer, "No. Sort out your own mess."
Steve smiled evily, "But you can't resist. Gothic Rose is, as I said, a Goth, and you won't be able to resist insulting her when you come into contact with her. So all I need to do is bring her into this room."
"If you come in with her, I'll stab you," Nick said, grabbing the knife from the sink and pointing it at Nick.
"No, you won't," Steve corrected him.
There was a pause, before Nick grunted in anger, and put the knife back in the sink, "Damn."
Steve opened the kitchen door and called out for Gothic Rose, "Darling, do you want to come in here? See how the food's being made."
"Okay," came the response.
Steve turned back to Nick with an evil grin, "Oh, and by the way? That whole locking me in with Gia thing? Consider this revenge."
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