anything here or the people who came through here. I was meeting loads and loads of bands I liked
and loved, and also people I never heard of before. I felt even worse that I wasn't able to get a
job and keep it to get myself money. I sighed looking at the black, blank T.V screen that reflected
me and Cash on it. I scratched behind his ear and muttered words to him every now and then. It has
been three days, I know short to come to conclusions about my jobs but I'm only reflecting on past
experiences that caused this. Well now that I think of it, I should be thankful for it; it helped me
meet Good Charlotte and got me into this exact house. I stood up and slowly walked up the carpeted
stairs with Ca$hdogg following me, Benji and Joel were gone somewhere. They leave before I even wake
up but I don't blame them I like wake up at 1:00 and then it takes me forever to even get out of the
bed. I opened the door to the guest room and closed it behind Cash.
"What should I wear today Cash?" I asked the dog. He just looked at me wagging his tail like a
maniac. It's a bit crazy to be talking to a dog like that, but it gets lonely around here plus it
can be fun. I pulled out a Level 27 t-shirt, dark jeans with holes in them and anklets. As I was
getting dressed Cash kept nudging me, trying to get my attention? "What's up Cash?" I looked at the
shoes that I placed in the closet, well Benji placed in the closet but he bought them for a welcome
gift and because I had absolutely nothing to wear. Along with the rest of my clothes, he bought
them. I dug through the many shoes I had deciding on what to wear and decided on my black and red
Etnies. I slipped them on and opened the door trotting down the stairs Cash following me. I made my
way to the kitchen and dug through anywhere there was food, and picking out cereal just plain,
"Honey we're home!!!" Benji yelled bursting through the front door, which I couldn't see from the
kitchen but Cash bolted and came back without Benji about three seconds later.
"Hey," I replied for them to hear as they walked in the kitchen, "what's up?"
"Nothing," Billy sighed grabbing my spoon and eating some of my cereal. I just looked at him like
'what the hell?' and he just shrugged it off and ran off to who knows where. I started eating myself
and didn't look up until Benji sat across from me.
"Yeah?" I asked with my mouth full."
"Nothing," he grinned shortly.
"Okay." I started shoving food into my mouth again, yet again not looking up.
"You are going to choke if you keep eating like that."
"That's my loss isn't it?"
"I would be heartbroken." I looked up and swallowed what was in my mouth, I saw Benji looking away
trying to hide his cherry red face.
"Why is that?" I started scooping up the last of the cereal and rinsing out the bowl.
"You're...my friend." I placed the bowl in the sink coughing and trying not to laugh. "What?"
"You can't be heartbroken if you're my friend, it's called sad. Heartbroken means that you lost the
one that you love."
"Who ever said that I didn't love you?"
"It's impossible!" I sighed walking out of the kitchen and heading up the stairs Benji following me
just like Cash.
"And why is it impossible for a guy to like you?" I shrugged it off and almost shut my door, "Why?"
"I'm too fucking ugly! You think somebody wants to look at this all day!" I yelled pointing to my
face and referring to the rest of my body.
"Who ever gave you that idea?"
"My first boyfriend and my only boyfriend." I slammed the door and locked it, leaning against it and
slinking down tears silently streaming down my face. I breathed heavily holding back screams and any
other noises coming from me, I didn't want Benji to hear me and I knew he was still standing out
"Anna, please open up," he begged from the other side. I bit my lip and closed my wet eyes blocking
out noise, "Anna!" I crawled over to my stereo and blasted whatever was already in there, and it
turned out to be 'System Of A Down, Mesmerize' I pulled myself onto my bed and laid there doing
absolutely nothing. Night had fallen over and all was silent, well except my stereo still blasting.
"Anna, can you turn that down so I can sleep?" Joel asked through the door, I pushed the off button
and didn't answer, "Thanks." I heard his footsteps walk away and then I stared at the ceiling hoping
I could make up with Benji. I didn't mean to flip out on him; it was just weird on how he brought up
the subject. It immediately reminded me of what my boyfriend had said to me while he was breaking up
He had started to be something he wasn't, being all preppy and cheating on me. He at first was Goth
and perfect the way he was, we both though that we could be together forever and then his older
brother came back to town and he changed thinking that it would please him, but a couple days after
the event his brother came to me and said that it wasn't what he wanted and that he was sorry. My
boyfriend didn't think I was ugly, he wanted to impress his girl, and he even tried to come back to
me after he was used by her. I only replied to him what he said to me when we broke up. 'I'm too
ugly remember' he even proposed to me later hoping it would change my mind I didn't, I just fled
I heard rocks being thrown at the window and hesitantly went over and opened it. Nobody was there, I
walked back leaving the door open and changed into a Marilyn Manson t-shirt that was probably two
sizes too big, and then slipped on tight black yoga pants. I slipped into bed turning off my light
and keeping the window open, it wasn't long until I heard rustling of the trees, 'it's just the
wind' I thought. Then somebody crawled into my bed and wrapped their colorful arms around me. I
closed my eyes pretending I was asleep.
"You're not ugly," Benji's voice whispered in my ear, "I love you." He kissed the back of my head
and I just ignored it, thinking of what was going on and what should I do about it.