Categories > Original > Humor > Five Minute Soap Dish
Week 29
It was the middle of the day, a week after the dinner party, that Gia was about to head to University from her flat when her doorbell rang. She went to open the door, to see a grinning Steve presenting her with roses.
"Hi!" he said, giving a cheery wave, "Um, I think I need to apologise for something."
Gia promptly slammed the door in his face. Or would have done, if Steve hadn't stuck his foot in the way. It still caused Steve a lot of pain though, which made Gia smile.
"Gia I just want to talk," he said, through gritted teeth.
Gia opened the door, and Steve removed his foot. She then exited her flat, and began to walk off.
"I'd gladly cause you more pain, but I've got a lecture in half an hour, so I'll have to leave you," she said, starting a sprint to avoid Steve.
Hobbling as fast as he could, Steve caught up to her. "Look, I know I've been an arse, and realising it's half the battle, ain't it? I'm not asking you to forgive, but just try to withstand me, okay?"
"Why? I've left the radio program, so why is there any need for us ever to talk or put up with each other ever again?"
"Well, for starters, the program isn't the same without you. I mean, Gia, the part you played was truly-"
"I provided the female voices for yours and Nick's exceedingly male dominated sketches. I'm sure you'll live without me," Gia responded dryly, "Anyway, I heard Nick doing the female voices on last night's show, and he was doing fine."
"Yes...but," Steve began, looking it over, "It's trouble on his vocal chords. His larynx won't hold up much longer under this stress. You're killing him from the inside."
"Really?" Gia asked sarcastically, "That's not what Nick told me. Or what Kelly said."
"Oh, you still speak with them, do you?"
"Steve, it's you I hate. Nick and I have been friends for years, and Kelly is a nice person. Why would I lose contact with them, when it's you I think is the turd, especially when Nick and Kelly agree with me on that?" Gia explained, "Nick told me he didn't mind doing the female voices, but that they'd probably find a new voice actress soon, because you demanded to have someone in the station you could try and fuck."
"That's a lie!" Steve shouted, "Nick's a bastard who is constantly full of shit. Don't listen to him."
Gia laughed, "Wait, Nick's my friend, and you're the arse who tried to split me and my boyfriend up, and somehow, I'm meant to listen to you? I bet you're lying right now, aren't you?"
Steve cringed, "Okay, we don't need you at the radio station. But I want you there. I miss our little gang of four hanging out together-"
"The only time we hanged out together was the dinner party."
"Okay, well, having jokes together-"
"Trying to convince Mark I had leapt onto you in the locked radio studio? Or when you convinced Mark that Kelly was a lesbian? Those jokes?"
Steve was humbled, "Well, I was thinking more of the jokes that were a little less serious. Y'know, the ones that involved more of you, and less of Mark actually."
Gia laughed again, "You are so clueless. Even when I tell you why I'm pissed at you, you still don't get it. I put up with you being an arse to me for months, because I didn't really give a rat's. But, you got such a kick out of schaudenfreude, you tried to split me an Mark up. Not once, but twice."
"I keep telling you, it wasn't on purpose. It was just a couple of jokes that got outta hand," Steve said.
Gia stopped, and faced Steve, "And that's why I've given up putting up with you , Steve. I don't want another one of your jokes "getting out of hand" and messing up my relationship again. And, no matter how accidental you want to pretend it was, I bet if I stayed around you, you'd try and break us up again."
"I wouldn't, honest."
"Look me in the eye, Steve, and tell me you wouldn't want me and Mark to break up," Gia told him. Steve took a deep breath, but found he couldn't say that, not while looking into her eyes. So he turned away.
Before he had even opened his mouth Gia had responded, "There's my answer. I'm off now Steve. Don't come around to my place again, okay?"
Gia walked off, leaving Steve alone, still limping and clutching the roses. He saw her walk off, then, after a quick thought on what to do, limped back to Gia's flat. On the doorstep he left the roses, with a hastily handwritten note: Incidentally, these were for you.
It was the middle of the day, a week after the dinner party, that Gia was about to head to University from her flat when her doorbell rang. She went to open the door, to see a grinning Steve presenting her with roses.
"Hi!" he said, giving a cheery wave, "Um, I think I need to apologise for something."
Gia promptly slammed the door in his face. Or would have done, if Steve hadn't stuck his foot in the way. It still caused Steve a lot of pain though, which made Gia smile.
"Gia I just want to talk," he said, through gritted teeth.
Gia opened the door, and Steve removed his foot. She then exited her flat, and began to walk off.
"I'd gladly cause you more pain, but I've got a lecture in half an hour, so I'll have to leave you," she said, starting a sprint to avoid Steve.
Hobbling as fast as he could, Steve caught up to her. "Look, I know I've been an arse, and realising it's half the battle, ain't it? I'm not asking you to forgive, but just try to withstand me, okay?"
"Why? I've left the radio program, so why is there any need for us ever to talk or put up with each other ever again?"
"Well, for starters, the program isn't the same without you. I mean, Gia, the part you played was truly-"
"I provided the female voices for yours and Nick's exceedingly male dominated sketches. I'm sure you'll live without me," Gia responded dryly, "Anyway, I heard Nick doing the female voices on last night's show, and he was doing fine."
"Yes...but," Steve began, looking it over, "It's trouble on his vocal chords. His larynx won't hold up much longer under this stress. You're killing him from the inside."
"Really?" Gia asked sarcastically, "That's not what Nick told me. Or what Kelly said."
"Oh, you still speak with them, do you?"
"Steve, it's you I hate. Nick and I have been friends for years, and Kelly is a nice person. Why would I lose contact with them, when it's you I think is the turd, especially when Nick and Kelly agree with me on that?" Gia explained, "Nick told me he didn't mind doing the female voices, but that they'd probably find a new voice actress soon, because you demanded to have someone in the station you could try and fuck."
"That's a lie!" Steve shouted, "Nick's a bastard who is constantly full of shit. Don't listen to him."
Gia laughed, "Wait, Nick's my friend, and you're the arse who tried to split me and my boyfriend up, and somehow, I'm meant to listen to you? I bet you're lying right now, aren't you?"
Steve cringed, "Okay, we don't need you at the radio station. But I want you there. I miss our little gang of four hanging out together-"
"The only time we hanged out together was the dinner party."
"Okay, well, having jokes together-"
"Trying to convince Mark I had leapt onto you in the locked radio studio? Or when you convinced Mark that Kelly was a lesbian? Those jokes?"
Steve was humbled, "Well, I was thinking more of the jokes that were a little less serious. Y'know, the ones that involved more of you, and less of Mark actually."
Gia laughed again, "You are so clueless. Even when I tell you why I'm pissed at you, you still don't get it. I put up with you being an arse to me for months, because I didn't really give a rat's. But, you got such a kick out of schaudenfreude, you tried to split me an Mark up. Not once, but twice."
"I keep telling you, it wasn't on purpose. It was just a couple of jokes that got outta hand," Steve said.
Gia stopped, and faced Steve, "And that's why I've given up putting up with you , Steve. I don't want another one of your jokes "getting out of hand" and messing up my relationship again. And, no matter how accidental you want to pretend it was, I bet if I stayed around you, you'd try and break us up again."
"I wouldn't, honest."
"Look me in the eye, Steve, and tell me you wouldn't want me and Mark to break up," Gia told him. Steve took a deep breath, but found he couldn't say that, not while looking into her eyes. So he turned away.
Before he had even opened his mouth Gia had responded, "There's my answer. I'm off now Steve. Don't come around to my place again, okay?"
Gia walked off, leaving Steve alone, still limping and clutching the roses. He saw her walk off, then, after a quick thought on what to do, limped back to Gia's flat. On the doorstep he left the roses, with a hastily handwritten note: Incidentally, these were for you.
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