FicWad

I got my first real taste of what it is like to be Gerard Way’s fiancée the next day. We were all on the bus eating breakfast when Alicia put down her cereal bowl with a crash. “Holy shit, that was fast.” She said looking at the laptop in front of her.
I walked over and sat down by her, “What was fast?”
She smiled sadly, “Lots of posts about you.” She pointed to the screen and there I was in all my glory. The photos were from the Meet and Greet the previous night. Most of the photos were from when I was standing next to Gerard when he had called me over. My eyes scanned the comments. “Fuck me.” I said, “Damn am I hated or what?’ I had never seen so many horrible things written in one place.
Alicia sighed, “You get used to it after a while. The first time I saw the stuff that was being written about me I cried.”
“I look like a slut?” I said reading one of the comments. “I do not.”
Gerard who had come in and grabbed a cup of coffee laughed, “Laura, don’t read that shit.”
I looked at him. “I don’t understand. I know they love you and I get that. But why attack me?”
“Cause we’re engaged of course” he answered.
“Well hell, that’s a fine how-do-you-do.”
He laughed again, “Look, it goes with the territory. I’m betting if you look they are saying some bad things about me too. Probably that they think it’s wrong I just broke up with someone and I’m engaged again so quickly.”
Alicia who had continued to read the comments nodded her head, “Yep, they think you’re an ass.” She confirmed.
“See, don’t let it get to you. I love our fans but sometimes they don’t understand I’m just a man nothing more.”
In my head I was thinking how wrong he was. There were so many levels to this guy that calling him just a man was so wrong. “Alicia, she’s upset. Why don’t you move on to something else?’ Gerard asked nicely.
Alicia looked up, “Yeah, sorry.” She closed the laptop. “So what’s the plan for today?”
“I’ve got to set up the Meet and Greet before I can think about doing anything else.” I said taking a sip of coffee.
“You can’t do that.” Gerard said looking at me.
“Can’t do what?” I asked staring back at him.
“Everyone knows you’re my fiancée now. You can’t be working for the group now.”
I shook my head, “It’s my job, I have to.”
“I’m your job now” he said giving me that bored look I had come to hate.
“That’s a full time job,” Ray said. I hadn’t even realized he was standing in the room. The guy is fucking silent sometimes.
I chose to ignore him. “Look I can’t just sit around and do nothing. I like my job. I like meeting people and dealing with your fans. They are so fucking passionate.”
“And they hate you.” Gerard added.
I chose to ignore that comment. “Look, I have to work. I have bills to pay.”
“Not anymore. I took care of them and your car has been paid off. Other than that you don’t have any bills. You’ve been living with my brother so no rent, no place of your own.”
“But I was saving to get my own place.” I said trying to make him understand.
“Your place is with me now. You need anything just ask.” Gerard said looking as if this bit of info would solve everything.
“Look, I’m not gonna ask you for money when I want something. I need to have my own money.”
“Then I’ll give you an allowance. How much do you want a week?’ His whole attitude was pissing me off beyond belief.
“Gosh dad I don’t know.” I said sarcastically. “Just what do I have to do to earn this money?”
He stepped closer to me. “You know what you do to earn the money.”
I snapped and slapped him across the face, “I’m not a whore. I don’t take money for sex. If that’s all you want me for then fuck you.”
Alicia and Ray seemed to have become frozen in place. Gerard looked me in the eyes, “You understood what you were getting into Laura. Don’t pretend suddenly that you don’t know.”
“I never said ‘Hey Gerard I want to be your whore.” I spat back at him.
“Didn’t you?” he asked moving towards me. “Just what would you call our arrangement?”
That was it I couldn’t take anymore. “Off” I replied. I pushed past him grabbed my messenger bag and duffle and took off towards the door of the bus. I looked over to see Alicia’s look of disbelief. Ray on the other hand was smiling.
As I stepped off the bus I realized it was early and most of the crew and merch people were still on their busses sleeping. I briefly thought about going back to my original bus but why? I didn’t have a job anymore. I had nothing. Tears that I had been holding back began streaming down my face. Suddenly I was grabbed from behind. “Stop” Gerard’s voice sounded desperate.
I continued walking in no particular direction; I just wanted to get away. There were some woods to the right of my line of vision. I broke away from Gerard and ran for the woods. I could hear the roar of cars on a highway beyond the trees and that was what I was headed for.
I was about 1000 feet into the wooded area when he caught up with me. Actually tackled me and knocked me to the ground. I fought back hitting him with my fists but he was laying on me pinning me to the ground. “Get the fuck off me I screamed.”
“Please” he said. “Please” he kept repeating the word over and over. Suddenly I stopped struggling and looked into his eyes. Holy shit there was fear in his eyes. He was terrified but of what?
He realized I had stopped struggling and slowly released his hold on me. His body, which had been pinning me to the ground, moved off. “Please don’t leave me, Laura”
“Gerard what are you afraid of?” I asked reaching over to touch his face.
“Myself” he whispered, “I’m afraid of myself. Help me.”
I honestly didn’t know what to say or do. He was lying on the ground next to me, his head had now lowered and was resting on the earth. I reached out and stroked his hair. “Gerard, I don’t know how to help you. I don’t understand.”
He rolled over on to his back. “I just want this all to end.” He whispered. There were tears in his eyes. His words scared the fuck out of me. I understood what he was saying.
“No, don’t say that.” I sat up next to him. “Don’t fucking say that.”
He closed his eyes, “I’m sorry, Laura. I should never have brought into this fucking mess.”
“Tell me what is wrong.” I demanded. “Let me help you.”
He sighed, “You can’t, no on can. I can’t even escape this hell cause living is my punishment.”
“Stop talking like this.” I felt so helpless. “Let me into your head.”
He shook his head, “No, there is no way. Just get away while you can. I’ll make up some fucking story about how you and I were just kidding about the engagement.”
This couldn’t be happening. “No, I won’t leave you. I can’t.” The words were true, I was bound to this man by a force I couldn’t begin to understand.
“I can’t change, Laura. I can’t. You don’t want to spend your life with someone like me. Find someone who loves you. Live you life. Stay with me and you’ll be consumed by the darkness that surrounds me.”
I aligned by body on the ground next to his, “If darkness is where you are then that is where I will live. You don’t understand, I can’t leave you.” I rolled on to my side and put my arm around him. “Gerard, don’t even fucking try to send me away.” I could feel his heart beating. It seemed to be slowing. I raised my head and looked into his face. Fuck, he looked like a sleeping angel. His dark black lashes fluttered open.
“Laura why would you want this life? I’m trying to make you see. I will try to hurt you and I won’t be able to stop myself. Please, save yourself.”
“Only after I save you.” I whispered.
He closed his eyes again and I leaned down to kiss his open lips. The kiss was sweet and gentle. He rolled over and pulled me into his arms. Suddenly he was kissing me like a dying man trying to catch his last breath. I answered his kisses with all the passion and love I felt.
He rolled me on to my back while continuing to kiss my lips. I felt his hand shake as he pulled off my sweats and panties. He pulled my hoodie over my head quickly. Now I was lying in the middle of the wood naked and being loved. His hands were gentle as they ran up and down my body. His lips left mine and traveled to my nipples. I moaned as his tongue swirled around each before his lips latched onto the nipple nearest him and began to gently suck. His other hand moved down my body and began to caress me. I felt his fingers begin to search for the spot that would release the beautiful passion that was building.
“Gerard let me touch you.” I whispered.
“No, this is just for you, Laura. I don’t want anything.” His voice was so raw with emotion I locked eyes with him trying to understand.
Then I did understand. He was making love to me the way he thought would prove he wasn’t doing this for himself. I needed to make him understand.
“I need to feel you inside me.” I whispered.
He raised his head from my breast and looked into my eyes questioningly.
“Please” I said softly. “I need you.”
I closed my eyes and I heard the soft whoosh of his zipper lowering. He moved away for just a moment and my body cried for his. When I felt his warm flesh touch mine my body began to sing. The soft moan that escaped his lips as he slid into me was answered by my own. My hips rose up to push him even deeper.
“Laura, tell me what you want.” His breath was warm in my ear.
“I want you, Gerard. I want you.”
He looked into my eyes, “I’ve wanted you since I saw your photo. I’ve never wanted anyone like I want you.” His thrusting began to pick up speed and I matched his thrusts with my own.
We came together in a moment of passion that I had never imagined could exist.
Gerard rolled off me and stood to dress before I could recover from the feeling. His face was blank; his eyes wouldn’t meet mine when I spoke.
I knew I had to handle this carefully. Now I understood how close to the edge his life had become. I prayed I would find out the reason and help him find his way back.
“Gerard, we are engaged. I accept that you don’t love me. You need to accept that I am going to stay by your side. It’s something I have to do.”
My words seemed to reach him, “We need to get back to the bus.” He reached out and helped me up so that I could dress. As I did he picked up my bags. When we cleared the woods and started towards the bus he spoke, “I will make sure you can continue to do your job if that ‘s what you want. Just don’t be hurt by others words.”
I nodded. “I won’t.”
When we reached the bus he put out his hand to stop me. “Laura, I’m sorry things can’t be different.”
I couldn’t look into his eyes, “That’s okay. I accept what we have.”
Ray was standing at the top of the steps when we stepped into the bus. “You’re leaving?’
I looked him in the eye, “No, I’m not leaving. Gerard and I are going to be married.”
“Why, Laura?” he asked bluntly.
“Because I love him.”
Behind me I heard Gerard’s sharp intake of breath. Ray’s face took on a look I had never seen before. He stepped back and looked at Gerard while he spoke to me, “Loving Gee can be dangerous.” He broke his gaze and turned it to me. “Matter of fact it can be deadly.”