I was silent the whole way to the music awards, purposely shoving Gerard away every time. When we finally made it to the red carpet I took a deep breath and put on my fake smile. As soon as we got out of the limo I was bum rushed with questions from the paparazzi.
“Are you the new girl?”
“Are you really just a groupie?”
“How long will you last?”
“What’s your secret.?”
“When’s the baby due?”
Why the fuck do you care? Is what I wanted to shout out, but I kept my mouth shout only posing for pictures. The whole time I kept my distance from Gerard dreading that I would have to sit next to him the whole show.
He looked at me apologetically, I looked back at him feeling pity. All I want to do is hold his hand; I’m so scared for him.
He grabbed hold of my chin pulling my face towards his. I fixed my eyes on Kylie who was sitting next to him. “Heidi, I’m so sorry. Really I am.”
“ Gerard, you can’t drink anymore tonight. You scare me when you drink, you aren’t the guy I like when you drink.” It’s true, he turns into this egotistical, mush mouthed, stumbling mess.
“ I promise I won’t, I love you.”
I won’t say “I love you” back. I just can’t…yet.
“Okay, but remember I will forgive but I won’t forget.” I gave him a quick peck and sat back in my seat holding his hand. I smiled over at him then turned my attention back to the award show.
The award show was amazing and the band won a handful of awards. I was proud of them all; very proud. We jumped in the limo and headed to where the party was. I had second thoughts about the party.
“ Gerard, I think you should go without me.” I whispered softly in his ear.
“ Why doll?”
“ I’m tired, plus I’m in no mood to mingle with these snooty people.”
He chuckled. “ Doll, I’ll go back to the hotel with you. How about that?”
“ Are you sure that won’t ruin the fun? I mean this is the last time you get to really go out before the tour really starts.”
“ It doesn’t matter, we’ll get time alone if we go back to the hotel.”
I smiled, exactly what I want. Time alone.
Once inside the room we silently undressed each other slipping into out pajamas. I lunged onto the bed, he did the same. I curled up close to his cold body, trying to warm him I pulled the covers over us. I whispered to him, “ See, I like you just like this…sober. The way you should be all the time.” He drug his fingertip across my forehead then over my nose pulling me into a kiss.
This time is was also unexpected. I quivered at the power of it, I pushed him away. “ I love you.” he whispered. I gave him a quick kiss and turned over. “ Good night.”
Still can’t say it.
I can’t trust him yet.
Should i keep going??
Thanks for reading!