- A highly enjoyable read. Ron is done well, not so much malicious as self absorbed and thoughtless. They helped Merlin, does that mean he joined and is still alive? Possibly this Brother Cobra?
Author's responseI haven't decided about Merlin yet. He might be in the story further along. Cobra we'll meet right after halloween -- one of the first animgi. Jason is a Bronze-age warrior, think Hector. Cobra is a loner, a powerful Mage who is interested in the world but not usually in people. Cobra is one of the few brother able to intimidate Jason. Osiris is the only being able to command Cobra.
They all like Harry.
Snape had best tread very very carefully.
(#) silverleafhp 2007-11-18Again, a great start to another story. You know I am usually crittical of your work. I thin, though, you also know that there is nothing wrong with being crittical, in some way I hope it helps you.
My main complaint with most of your stories, is that although Harry is in some way matured, by training or time travel, he still acts younger than others do. He never seems to be able to make a decision on his own, without consulting with Hermione first, so much so that it is she who ends up making the decision and not Harry.
I just think Harry, who gets all the extra training, or has the age, should me more forcefull or confident, if your prefer. Hermione, on the other hand is usually flawless in all your stories. Just seems that you need to give her some attributes that are not always desireable. Or at the very least exound on the ones she already has. I.E. Hermione, is a bookworm, and a knowitall. I am not saying that to be mean, it's just fact.
Some conflict could be entered into your stories by you having Hermione, think she knows the answer, when in actuality she doesn't, and Harry does (do to his extra training).
That being said, I am not trying to talk you into a different ship, I know you like H/Hr ship, and I am perfectly fine with that. Just some added tension is what I am talking about.
I also appreciate the fact that even though you are an avid H/Hr, and H/L shipper, you can and do put other girls with Harry. Such as Padma Patil. Sorry, but I am a huge fan of H/Padma, and H/Pavarti, can't help it.
Lastly, I think it might be a good idea for Harry to have second thoughts about Hermione (again, I am not going against the ship) due to age. Since Harry is going through all this time training, he will in essense be close to a year older than Hermione when he gets back, and seeing as how it is just second year not much will be happening romantically. Compound that by a few years and by the time fifth year rolls around, Harry will be more like a 20 year old, (if the training follows to form), while Hermione will be 15. Do I hear Tonks comming on=p. At any rate you see what I mean. I am not even suggesting that they don't get together, just suggesting that Harry gives it a little thought.
Nothing else at the moment, keep up the great work.
Author's responseI have to say that's about the first time I've been told I make Harry too dependent on Hermione (as opposed to some of the mentors I've given him). Quite often, he ends up lecturing her, which means she ends up friend or love interest instead of know-it-all sidekick to the hero. (well, she does get to control the love interest part to a degree, but I am of the firm opinion that, especially in teens, the girl should set the pace) On the other hand, you're right that Hermione does tend to have no major flaws, other than the elves (which she won't have this time) and her famous 'need-to-know', although I hope I often supply her with some interesting quirks.
As of right now, I am not planning on Harry doing the time turning summers. So, that actually leaves Harry/Hermione closer in age than canon (Harry 7 weeks older instead of 10 months younger).
I have not firmly set this as H/Hr -- if the story manages to draw over over three years (my hope), maybe there's a chance for Luna. this may not quite be superHarry, but it will be a different outcome, which Hermione might not be able to handle.
- I liked this chapter. I enjoyed your depiction of a 'young' Harry, his friendship with Hermione as it was at the beginning, about to flower. Most of your stories (other than that 'what if' version of your 'Old Believers' / To the Rescue universe, where the prophecy is fulfilled in Harry's first year?) deal with an adult - or nearly so - Harry and companions ... it's nice to get this look at the younger, more innocent version. "Friendship was such a rae thing in his life that he actually felt warm and secure just hearing from his friend" ... that's nice.
I do fear, though, that within the next chapter or so Harry will have shed all such signs of apparent youth as a result of his accelerated learning. Or maybe not. Hopefully references to Hermione and his other friends will help ground him, so you don't paint him as too 'adult'/mature.
Good chapter, thank you!
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