Come wet a widow`s eye. Cover the night with your love. Dry the rain from my beaten face. Drink the wine the red sweet taste of mine..
I placed all my equipment on the corner of some store, with some luck homeless people wouldn't confuse me with their own and I might even get all the cameras safely back to my place....Who am I kidding? Luck? I have no such thing...But don't I get like homeless points for knowing a homeless? I should though.
I speed dialled Mikey and waited till his somewhat childish phone voice picked it up, we were on polite talking terms since he moved his girlfriend and mere 98398403 cats in with us, "Hey Mikey, listen I got stuck with all the equipment from the shoot so I gotta run back to our place and dump it there so I'll be running a little late".
I still had no regular job but Ronald booked me as his slave from time to time, I should convert to being a whore, they get paid more.
"Hmm", Mikey hesitated, "We could just pick you up".
"That's OK", I looked around to see just how far I'm from home, "I'm a few blocks away, I just called to tell you I'll be a little late".
"You are already late", he told me.
I rolled my eyes, "Then I'm gonna be later then usual".
"You know you could just get a car", he chuckled, "Or a functioning clock"
"You know I hate driving", I stated the obvious, "But anyway I'm gonna go now, see ya in a few"
"Are you sure you don't wanna us picking you up?", he asked a little louder over the voices in the background.
"Walking is good for you", I shrugged.
"OK then good luck".
"Yeah I think I might find the place I've been living in for the past fuck knows how many years".
Mikey hummed, said bye and hung up.
I looked over all the bags I still had to carry and figured he was right, I might need some luck.
It's beyond me how I managed to climb up all the stairs with all the bags and not break anything...At least I hope I didn't break anything...Well if I did it didn't make the usual breaking sound...Blah I'll check anyway.
When I fell into my apartment I was surprised to see the lights on, Mikey probably forgot to shut the lights off when they left...
Aw that figures, he gives me loads of shit for being late for things and for having hard time waking up but...I'm actually supposed to be ashamed that all the preaching for my clock reading situation came from a a guy who is must likely to stick a fork in a toaster while it's still plugged in.
I dragged the bags over to the sofa and dumped them on the sofa and what do you know?! They made the breaking sound!
I dragged them all through New York city and when do they break? When I dump them on the most soft lumpy sofa known to the human race!
But the noises coming from my room distracted me from my upcoming death by Ronald.
I heard thumps and stuff being carried and steps and I freaked out!
All the guys were supposed to be at the restaurant so there's no way it's one of them...And besides why would any of them do in my room?...Perhaps it was Billy? But Billy didn't have a key...And he has nothing to look for in my room unless he ran out of his clean corsets...And why would he even drop by like this without a warning or at least a text massage...
The only other possible option I could think of was a burglar...But the rest of the place didn't look like it was broken into...
Oh fuck! I was alone with a burglar! Who could be there in my room touching all my shit! And could kill me with a swing of a lamp, like they do in the movies.
At that point I started hyperventilate, my brain went blank and my gut clutched in fear.
My first instinct was to run the fuck out of there, but when I was at the door I decided I might as well be helpful to the police when they'll catch the motherfucker and help identify him.
I recalled the guys training me before leaving for their first ever gig away from home that if something like that happens, I know how to behave.
Who knew Bob and Ray playing the thieves and Frank playing the version of me that does the right thing and Mikey the version of me doing the wrong thing, and Gerard and me in a laughter fit in the corner might be helpful and not just the start of a very bad slash fan fiction.
OK so what Ray said in case I come back and find a burglar? Run the fuck away?
And what did he say in case they notice me? Offer sexual favors?...No that was Frank, and Bob said not to pay attention to him and Ray said to run the fuck away...And what if they didn't notice me? Run the fuck away...Well Ray made himself very clear.
So I did the obvious and ignored what Ray said.
I crept to the kitchen and looked for something heavy.
I grabbed the first pan I found, swung it a couple of times to get comfortable (Frank's advise again) and walked silently back to my room.
The door was slightly ajar and let out a ray of light, I stood back and swung the pan a few extra times to make sure I got the hang of it and peeked through the door.
There was only one guy, and he seemed to be going through my closet.
Oh well a cross dresser, they can't be that dangerous, right?
I swung the door open and was about to charge....
"Gerard?", I gasped, lowering the pan down.
He turned around and stared at me, I stared back. his hair was shorter and he looked healthier and I just wanted to jump him so badly.
I missed him so much, even more so after the wedding a few days ago.
How many times did this scenario replayed in my head during the long sleepless nights of him coming to me and I say all these things to him about how sorry I am and how much I love him and we live happily ever after, and he tells me how much he loved me but here we were, face to face and all we can do is stare at each other with a blank expression? Dreams suck!
"Can you say it again?", he clutched some of his shirts in his hands.
"What?", I asked softly.
"My name. Just kinda say it", he chuckled.
I smiled wryly, "Gerard?"
"Thanks", he seemed to snap from a trance and dumped the shirts into the carton box at his feet, I didn't really notice before but there were several of them scattered around the room, "So I'm that unwelcomed here?", he motioned on the pan I was still holding limply in my hand.
I looked at it and put it down on the dresser, "No I just...Thought you weren't you...Like a burglar or something"
He nodded and took out some of his clothes out of the closet to dump them in the carton box.
"What are you doing?"
Like I didn't know, like my heart wasn't breaking.
"Moving out", he stopped for a second and then resumed his packing.
"Where?", I moved some of the boxes and sat on the bed cause I felt so weak.
"Back to my mum's basement", he dumped the jeans he took out and stared at me, his heart was breaking too, I could just tell, "Look, I thought you'd be in the restaurant. I didn't want to make it this painful".
"It's hurting you?", I muttered with my eyes welling up with a thick wall of tears.
"The minute I heard your voice...", he trailed off and turned away from me.
A grave silent again.
Why didn't he say something? Didn't he want me back as bad as I wanted him back?
If I could only make one wish for the rest of my life, it would be having Gerard back, to hold him again, to hear his voice on a daily basis, to hold him and never let go.
Nothing looked the same the minute I took him out of my life, it's like the sky wasn't longer blue, the grass wasn't longer green and nothing falls back into place anymore.
It was like my life was turned around and no one could make it right again but the guy with the jet black hair and hazel eyes, the guy who was making my life right since I was 13...Even if it was he who twisted it in the first place.
Am I really willing to live life without him there to make it right? Could I?
"Why are you moving out?".
He turned to look at me and his eyes were kinda reddish, "Why Sky?", I shivered when he said my name, "Cause you want nothing to do with me anymore".
"I...I", I stammered, not knowing how to tell him how much I can't go on knowing he'll never be there.
"I'll do it some other time", he turned around to walk out on me.
I wanted to scream with pain, it tore me apart seeing him walk out of my room, I couldn't take another minute of the gut-wrenching-heart-tearing sensation I felt for the past few months.
"Gerard?", I called out.
He stopped dead on his tracks.
"I love you", I said quietly, I felt like that teenager in the bookstore, telling Gerard she cared for him.
"I love you too, Skyler", he breathed out.
I stood up slowly, like a baby afraid to fall on it's ass and made my way to Gerard, I extended my hand to touch his shoulder as I went down to take his hand in mine, at first he kinda looked me over with a look I couldn't quite label, was it fear? Was it love? Was it longing? His hand was limp in mine.
But when he squeezed it I thought I'd die of happiness and began tearing up, "I'm so sorry".
He threw his arms around me and buried his face in my neck.
"I'm so sorry for giving up on you", I sobbed, "I hate myself for it and I wouldn't blame you if you hate me but I love you so much, Gerard".
"I could never hate you, angel", he patted my head and squeezed me even tighter, I remember that I used to complain about his tight squeezy hugs, now I wanted him to hug so tight I would go numb, "And I'd never let you go ever again"
"I love you", I repeated obsessively, "Love you more then anything and I'm so sorry".
"So you're mine again?", he picked me up and carried me to the bed, sitting me in his lap.
"I always was, Gerard", I weeped, "I was so stupid. I'm so sorry".
"Shh", he rocked me in his arms, "I missed you so much"