Kat gives out advice during a small training session with Frank. Will it actually turn out to be helpful... or are some things just not meant to be?
It wasn't supposed to be this way,
And you say, "how did this happen to me?"
This is how.
It wasn't supposed to be this way,
And you say, "things won't ever change."
This is how.
Dark circles and the veins in your eyes,
tell your whole life story and they face never lies.
Like a Ghost - The High Court
Kat quickly shot 4 rugged balls of ice out of her hand up into the air. With a slight movement of my hand, I held them up close to high ceiling as they slowly twirled around.
"So..." Kat said with her head back, looking at the balls of ice, "you know that if something is bothering you... you can talk to me about it. It'll make it easier on you."
I narrowed my eyes at the ice, trying to concentrate on them as they reflected off the metallic ceiling of the Training Room. "Like what...?" I asked, trying to pretend I didn't have a worry in the world.
"Oh, I don't know... anything you want. Your life, your powers... Gerard."
I turned my head sharply towards her at the sound of his name, loosing all concentration and making the ice come crashing to the floor. The sound of them hitting the floor forcefully made Kat jump but didn't affect me at all as I stared at her. How the hell did she know?
My mouth was open as I looked at her, trying to figure out when it all became so obvious. I tore my eyes away from her and she smirked at me knowingly, and looked up at the ceiling, surprised to not see the balls there anymore, and then realizing they were scattered across the floor in tiny pieces.
"I don't know what you're talking about," I muttered, playing with the pieces of ice on the floor, making them slide around rapidly while hoping Kat would give the subject up. I should have known better.
She laughed and punched my shoulder playfully. "Oh, come on, Frankie! Everyone knows something is going on between you two, although they never say anything about it. I mean, you guys were always so happy together, and then one day, you could barely dare to glance at each other, and there was so much tension you could practically cut it with a knife!"
I looked down at the floor, fidgeting with my feet.
Putting an arm around my shoulder, she said softly, "If you don't want to, you don't have to tell me anything. I just thought it would help if you talked to someone about it. I mean, I know /something /is up, but it's impossible to know for sure what goes on behind closed doors... or behind opened ones, for that matter."
I raised my eyes and saw her smirking again, realizing she was talking about what happened just a few minutes ago when she went looking for me.
"Is it that obvious?" I muttered.
A pleased smile appeared on her face. "It is to me, I haven't really talked to anyone else about it, you know. So something did happen?"
I rubbed my face with my hand while nodding. "It's just all so weird, you know? I mean I've never - he's never either - and we both act all scared - and it's obvious he doesn't want to do anything because he still loves or whatever Alyssa - well, he does want to do something because we always, like, fucking /attack/each other - I mean, it feels weird afterwards when I think about it, but when we are there, together, it just feels..." I let out a dreamy sigh.
Kat responded by giving a squeal of delight, making me turn bright red. "That is so fucking /cute!/"
"It's not cute, it's driving me insane," I said, annoyed.
"Okay, okay, sorry. How about telling me what happened exactly, then maybe I could help that way?"
I glanced at her shyly, and then let out a sigh. "The day we came back from my... old house is when all this bullshit started. I was sitting in a corner in the dark because of what happened with my - Mary and all... and then he came in. To make this short, he kissed me and then stopped all of a sudden and ran away."
"Did you kiss him back? Maybe he thought you'd freak out or something."
I nodded nervously. "Yeah, I kissed him back... naw, he couldn't have thought I would freak out," I said giggling fondly as I remembered how I had held his head in place. I stopped laughing when I saw the smile creep up on Kat's face.
"So, you made it obvious you liked it." She was definitely enjoying this.
I crossed my arms in front of me defensively, not comfortable with how clearly she put it all."Well, I guess... so anyways, he kissed me, stopped, said he was sorry and left. He looked so scared and freaked out... he practically ran out of the room. No, he/did/ run out of the room."
"Today was your turn to run out, right?" She smiled playfully.
"Today I went into his room to get some clothes and found him there. I told him this whole situation was driving me insane, that he should just do what he feels is right and then he asked me... he..." I stopped, looking at her nervously, as a smile grew on her face.
Looking away from her, I muttered, "He asked what felt right to me, and I sort of... grabbed his face and kissed him."
Kat clapped her hands together, grinning. "And he obviously responded well, right?"
"Well, yeah. Imean we were kind of attacking each other like-"
"Hungry animals?"I narrowed my eyes at her, but then let out a short laugh.
"I guess you could say that, yeah. I don't know what would've happened afterwards, though, since you came looking for me."
"Aww, I'm sorry, Frankie, I didn't know you were in the middle of an intense check-up appointment with Dr. Gerard."
I pushed her away playfully. "No, it's probably better this way... he probably would've ran out again... or maybe I would've this time. I mean, this is all so fucking weird..."
"Oh shut up, don't be a baby, it's fucking beautiful."
I looked at her and burst out laughing.
"Look, Frank. You know what his problem is. This is weird for both of you, and on top of that, the love of his life died just three months ago. He just needs time."
"That happened three months ago? I thought it was last year or something."
She shook her head. "Okay, so you know what you have to do now, right?"
I looked at her questiongly. "Umm, yeah, sure..."
She laughed. "Go talk to him! Find him and talk about all of this until everything is said and clear."
I groaned at her."Now? Wouldn't it be better to wait?"
She pushed me towards the door. "No! You have to do it now while his lips still taste like yours!"
I stopped walking and rolled my eyes at her as she stifled a laugh.
"You have to do it now, Frankie. Just, get it over with. Or do you want to spend another week like this one?"
I sighed, knowing she was right. I hated when she was right. "Okay, okay! I'll do it; I'll go... talk to him."
"Oh, wait asecond," she said before pulling me towards her. With a pleased smile on her pale face, she started to quickly straighten out my clothes while I rolled my eyes at the ceiling impatiently. I swatted her hand away as she reached out for my hair, not wanting her to touch it; I liked it messy. I slightly hurt look flashed through her wide eyes as she slowly turned away. I grabbed her arm, receiving aquestioning look.
"Thanks, Kat," I said, staring into her eyes and making her let out a short laugh, as she waved me off with her free hand.
"It was nothing, really," she said, smiling.
"Yes it is something. Thanks for listening to me and... helping me out. It's, it's not easy for me to open up to people, you know? So thanks for... noticing that something was going on and that I needed to talk. I really mean it." I glanced between her and the floor. I had never been open with my feelings, not even to myself, so going to anyone and asking for advice about this whole situation would not have happened. It was helpful that she figured it out on her own.
"Don't worry about it, Frankie boy, somebody had to set you straight - or not so straight, in this case." She smirked, pushing me towards the door slightly.
I tried to hide my grin, but couldn't as it crept onto my face. I let her push me towards the door, stopped, turned back to her and gave her a quick hug, which she responded to by throwing her arms around my neck.
Giving her aquick peck on the cheek, I turned towards the door. "Wish me luck," I whispered for some reason.
She smiled at me as I stood in the doorway a few feet away from her. "You won't need it. Just tell him what you feel and everything will be perfect. If I'm wrong I'll invite you to a movie sometime."
I laughed and winked at her. My happiness and relaxed state disappeared with the /swoosh/of air going through the big door as I closed it. It was instantly replaced with a nervousness so intense that my stomach began to ache and my hands to sweat with just the thought of facing Gerard again.
With a hand still on the doorknob, I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath of air and slowly let it out, telling myself everything would be okay; even if things didn't turn out the way I wanted - what /did I want exactly? - /at least I'd have it all off my chest.
Clenching my jaw in determination, I shot my eyes open and headed to his room, where I hoped, yet doubted, he was. As I had suspected, his room was empty, expect for the scarce pieces of furniture and the drawings on the wall. My eyes caught once again on the one he had made the night we met. I smiled slightly and hoped it was a good sign, an omen, as they say. With renewed determination, I left the room and headed outside, where I found him seated alone at the wooden table, one hand in a fist holding up his face and the other played with a small piece of wood that that worked its way off the table.
As soon as he saw me, he stood up; as soon as he stood up, my determination fled and hid. Ienvied it.
Without saying aword, he glanced at me and then instantly looking away. He ran his hand through his hair the way - /the way I /loved - he always did when he was nervous. I walked the few feet towards him, still not saying anything, not knowing where to begin, and cursing myself for not thinking of that before stepping out here and making an idiot of myself.
"We need to talk," I finally managed, and immediately hated myself for sounding like a girl who is about to break up with her unsuspecting boyfriend, or a mother that explains to her child that they have to move away and that he will leave his friends, yes, but he will meet much more nicer kids in the new school.
When Gerard was nervous, he ran his hand through his hair - a million times. When I was nervous, I rambled - on the inside or out loud. A million useless thoughts ran through my head so quickly I didn't know how I could assimilate them all without falling to the ground from my brain exploding. But once I said something out loud, like I just had, it was much worse. Not only would I talk and talk and talk until the end of time and God himself came down for me, but what I said would make no sense. Oh, it might make sense to me, in my own little world of personal insanity, but the words would come out in such afashion that no other human could understand what the hell I was saying. Nobody so far, anyways.
"Gerard, this is insane. All of this it's just, crazy - insane. We just need to talk about it -and just /talk about it - to clear it all up, I mean, I'd like to sleep, which I can't because all this shit runs through my head, it keeps me awake like a train... yes, like a train running through a silent neighborhood. Well, not a silent neighborhood because I'm always /thinking one thing or another and it's going to drive me crazy. Seriously crazy. More than now, and it has to stop. So, we just talk about all of this/, without doing anything else but talk - no, it's better if you stay right there. If you come any closer I might... yeah," I laughed nervously. "So, talk, before I run out of things to say and run back into the building because of the silence. If I stop talking and you don't say anything, there'll be silence; I hate that. Well Idon't actually /hate it, it's just that I can't handle it right now, you know? I can't-"
"Frank," Gerard said slightly above a whisper. I hadn't been looking at him - I had actually been looking everywhere except at him - but the sound of my name made me turn my head abruptly towards him. He was smiling slightly and his hands were stuffed into his pockets. He had a shy look about him; it reminded me of aschool girl. God fucking dammit, he is too fucking /cute/!
"Frank," he repeated while he tried to form his thoughts into words. "You're right, we need to talk to make everything clear. I don't think I can take much more of this without knowing... I mean, I've gotta know what you feel."
I stared at him with a stupid surprised look on my face, partially because of the fact that he understood my until-then-incomprehensible-jabbering, but mostly because of what he was asking me.
"What I... what Ifeel..." I stated, as I squinted at him. I was quite taken by surprise by his directness and didn't know how to respond. How /did /I feel?
"Yes, what you feel," he asked, looking at me almost eagerly. He stopped suddenly and rubbed the back of his head. He walked the few feet that separated us so he was standing in front of me, looking towards the building. "Because I... this is has been really weird for me... I guess for you too..." I suddenly lost concentration on his words as I saw a dark huddled figure walking slowly towards us from the end of the lane. "...but I, well I don't know, I felt something inside, you know?Call me crazy, but I..." Gerard stopped talking and frowned at me as he noticed Iwasn't paying attention to him at all. He turned around and looked in the direction I was.
The black figure seemed to slowly limp towards us with great difficulty. In that moment my heart froze; I couldn't move or speak, and it seemed that Gerard was having the same difficulties I was. The figure fell to the ground with a soft grunt, causing the dirt around it to rise up into the air, and still, neither of us could move a muscle. A sudden feeling of dread filled my gut as I continued to contemplate the approaching figure. I found myself wanting - praying - for it to turn around and leave; deep inside I knew who it was but couldn't believe it.
Gerard, who was standing beside me, took a shaky step forward, causing me to come out of my almost hypnotized state and look at him surprised. His mouth hung open slightly, and his face was a mixture of disbelief and distress.
As the figure neared us, I saw it had some sort of dirty black scarf wrapped around its head and shoulders, hiding its face from view. It continued to limp forward, looking at the floor, but at one point looked up. Seeing us, it started to speed up its pace as much as a limp that bad could allow, as if wanting to reach us desperately. It was apparently too much to take, because it tripped and fell to the ground with a cry. The voice was female.
Gerard's eyes widened at the sound of the cry and took a half step forward, bringing a hand up to his face to partially cover his face, and then froze again in place as the figure huddled on the floor. The fall caused the scarf to fall from the person's head, exposing a tangled mess of long black hair. She raised her head slowly, and with great effort extended a hand towards us pleadingly, uttering asingle word. "Gerard..."
Gerard stood watching the woman on the floor a dozen feet away from us, not knowing what to do. His eyes screamed terror and disbelief, and yet his body trembled every few seconds with failed attempts to actually move towards her.
It was funny how I knew who she was when I had never even met or seen a picture of her. I just knew it. Only one person in the world could cause Gerard to react the way he was. I knew who she was before he saw her coming, though. I just had a feeling... it was her, I knew it had to be. I didn't want it to be, though, I wanted her to be someone else, I wanted to be mistaken... but deep inside, I knew Iwasn't. I wanted to cry out in frustration, kick something, punch something, blow up everything in the world for the fucking complications... I wanted to do anything before my fears could be confirmed. Anything! I looked around helplessly, knowing that what was about to come was inevitable. I shook my head slightly and clamped my eyes shut, not wanting the world to continue. It can't be, it can't be, it's impossible I thought over and over again, trying to console myself.
I knew it was coming and yet, when Gerard spoke the word my eyes filled with tears and my mouth fell open in surprise.
"Alyssa," he whispered, stating the name of the person we both knew laid in front of us on the floor.
The love of his life was back. Back from the dead.
And I was once again out of place.
Okay everyone, pick up your jaws and read on. First of all, sorry for the late update, but my chapters are always long and that makes up for it, right? Hopefully ;)
Secondly, Ithink you should all look up The High Court on Myspace. They are an awesome new band and don't get the recognition they deserve. I love them to death; the music is fantastic and the guys are sweethearts.
Lastly... how did you like the chapter? I'll try and get another one out this week, or by this weekend. Rate and review please, let me know what you think. You know Ilove it.