Chapter Number: Two
Inspiration: Serious - Legally Blonde the Musical - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QNysfjbhUnk
Notes: It contains my favorite writers, including:
I own nothing, kthx! Do not take what's not yours, or else I'll tell everyone about how you got caught smoking Mr. Coates' pot with your bestfriend's boyfriend and then having sex... Oops. Too late ;]
“I’M ALLERGIC TO WINE! CRAZY YANKEE! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?!” Ashlee demanded, throwing her wine glass after the quickly escaping waitress. It only just missed her head and shattered against the wall. She cast a terrified look back at the blonde... Red head... Brunette... Something-head, eyes widening as Ashlee picked up a fork threateningly.
“Um,” Pete frowned as he surveyed the scene. “Is this a bad time? ‘Cause I could come back...”
Ashlee whipped around, eyes blazing as he waved the fork and nearly poked Pete’s eye out. “Oh,” She blinked. “It’s just you. Well, I think you should sit down.”
Warily, Pete did so. Ashlee narrowed her eyes as she peered over Pete’s shoulder. “I thought you said you’d be coming alone.”
Pete followed her gaze to the gigantic crowd of people behind him. “I had to bring my network with me.” He gestured to his cell-phone. Ashlee frowned, but perhaps luckily, she did not bother commenting on this again.
“Alright.” Pete fidgeted. “So…”
“Well,” Ashlee cleared her throat.
“We both know why we’re here,
I see it in your eyes.
I guess it calms my fear
To know that this is not a surprise!
I thought one look at you,
Lookin’ like a dream,
Would leave me speechless like you always do!
But now we’re wide awake…
And we’ve got some plans to make!
“So baby, give me your hand!” Ashlee held out her hand. Pete just stared at it, confused. Then, slowly, he held out his hand, frowned, decided against the left one, and replaced it with his right hand.
“I’ve got some dreams to make true!” Ashlee was continuing.
“I’ve got the future all planned…
It’s time to get serious,
Time to get serious with you...”
Pete grinned, absolutely aside himself with joy. Or something, that was too gay. So he decided that it would be fun to sing too, even though he really wasn’t following all of this. Pete cleared his throat. “I never thought that I’d…”
Ashlee held up her fork again, pointing it threateningly at Pete's fucked-up guy-lined eye. "Uh, honey, /I'm not finished/!" She snapped in her most sassy manner, tossing her... Red, is it? Oh whatever. Tossing her hair over one shoulder, she neatly put her fork down back where it was before... Up her ass.
Pete clamped his mouth shut in embarrassment. "Oh, sorry."
“Since I was two or three,”
“Mmm hmm?” Provided Pete.
“I'd get my law degree.”
“Yeaaaaah!” Pete added, as unhelpful as ever.
“A big white house back east,”
“All of the amenities,”
Ashlee flashed him an annoyed look, but continued. “Three kids.” She sung, batting her eyelashes.
"Atleast, just like both the Kennedy's!" They sung, Pete hitting, yet again, another absurdly high note. "Our lives begin!" Ashlee continued, sighing again.
“Our lives begin!” Pete echoed, just because he was bored.
“But just where do you fit in?”
Pete blinked. “Fit me in?”
“I’ll break it down now, Petey!
So baby, give me your hand!” Ashlee began to walk away.
“Here’s my hand, here’s my hand!” Pete scampered to follow.
“I’ve got some dreams to make true!”
“We both have dreams to make true!”
Pete blinked thoughtfully in Ashlee's direction as she began to sing again
“Oh yeah. I hope that you’ll understand.
It’s time to go Serious,
Time to go Serious!
Serious!” Ashlee broke into dance, while Pete was still harmonizing the song annoyingly.
“I’m telling you as future attorney,
You want the moon and sky?
Then take it, don’t be shy!
Petey, that’s why you and I…”
Here it comes! Pete squealed silently, as he wondered what kind of ring Ashlee had bought.
“Should break up!”
Pete swelled with pride. “Oh, baby I’ll give you my hand—WHAT?!” He tripped and landed on his ‘candy-ass’. Ouch.
“You…you’re breaking up with me?! I THOUGHT YOU WERE PROPOSING!” Pete’s lower lip trembled.
“Pete, if I'm gonna be a senator when I'm thirty
I need somebody Serious!
Less of a Marilyn, more of a John Wayne!” Ashlee nodded, taking another sip of wine before almost coughing to death. Geez, way to forget your allergy.
"What?!" He bawled, stealing a napkin from a waiter and blowing his nose loudly, before putting it back on the tray.
Ashlee blinked. “That came out wrong, sorry.”
Pete opened his mouth in what was probably a wail so high-pitched that only the Hemingway could hear it.
“Let's both be strong!” Ashlee prompted, grabbing Pete by his shoulders and shaking him violently in hope of making him stop sobbing. "I mean, we've known all along!" She continued, giving the snickering waitresses and waiters a nasty look.
Pete blew his nose on Ashlee's hair, which made her want to slap him. "SHUT UP! Just shut up! What does that mean, 'I'm not a John Wayne'?! I'M not serious? But I am seriously in love with you!" He sniffed, attempting to blow his nose once again on Ashlee's hair. She slapped his hand away before belting out a wail that could make your windows break
"Baby, my future's all planned
I've got some dreams to make true
I thought that you'd understand
It's time to get serious
Time to get serious!" She finished, chugging Pete's water before opening her mouth again and bossily directing the waitress. "Check, please."
Pete sobbed and in one emo, black cloud of smoke, disappeared to his car.