Just when Frank thought he was getting better...
I sat with my legs tucked underneath me, leaned closer and whispered to him “I’m not tired at all.” He turned to face me and said “Me either.” Was that alcohol I smelled on his breath? Fuck it, I thought. It’s probably permanently there from the amount he drinks. I looked into his place face and wondered what he was thinking. I leaned in even more closer, so we were nearly touching. I tilted my head and then… Drew back and said loudly “WAIT! We didn’t watch Beetlejuice!” Gerard looked amused, kinda. I giggled and pushed the DVD into the player, very conscious of the boy behind me, still looking at me, with his sunken yet beautiful hazel eyes, with their dark circles around them, his pale, malnourished but once full and rosy face. Pale, chapped lips. It was the face that told a million tales of heartbreak and deceit, and addiction. I went back and sat next to Gerard, whose glance never left mine. The movie started, and I pulled my eyes away and directed them to the screen. Unfortunately, I did begin to get tired after a half hour or so. I lay down and kept watching through a hazy view, but then finally giving in and resting my eyes. I must have fallen asleep because when I woke up the movie was over and Gerard was sitting closer, with his hand on my cheek. I tried to calm down my insides, which seemed to be dancing, as I realised Gerard was singing to me. “I don’t know any lullabies, I don’t know how to make you mine… but I can learn” The White Stripes? I thought, still listening to his beautiful voice. Was he singing that at me? I kept up the pretence of sleep until he stopped and walked away. The rustle of sheets and click of light switch told me he was in bed. I sighed deeply and decided to stay on the couch for a few minutes, so as not to raise suspicion. After a while I got up and walked to my own bed, and got in. I lay down and pulled the blankets up, and lay there trying to get to sleep. I was almost nodding off when I felt light from beneath my eyelids. I opened them and saw that Gerard was in the bathroom. Probably just peeing, I thought, shutting my eyes again. In another minute or so I heard a bang, and the oh so familiar clinking of a bottle. I opened my eyes and sat up slightly, leaning against my pillow. The bathroom door was shut, but I could see shadows moving on the carpet from the crack underneath. I stood up and slowly tip toed towards the room, as quietly as I could. I stood outside the door, listening. Sure enough, I heard liquid moving inside something and then gulping. “Fuck, Gee.” I whispered. I put my hand on the doorknob and very slowly opened the door, just a tiny crack, to look in on him. He didn’t notice, so I opened it more, till I could pretty much see the whole room. There was a tequila bottle next to him, his pills, and an empty, but messy foil, which meant he’d already done his coke. Fuck Gerard, I thought. The coke wasn’t really a shock to me, not anymore. The first time I saw the foil, the little ziplock bags of pure chalky powder, I was heartbroken. But now I just grinned and beared it, what else could I do? Gerard was sitting on the floor, like I had that morning, but I could only see his back… What was he doing? I just shut the door and walked away, got back into bed and tried my hardest not to cry. He got back to bed an hour or so later, soundlessly. I didn’t say or do anything, he thought I was asleep. And I wished that I was.
Yeah sorry guys I think you'll have to wait a short while for the actual Frerard.