Frankie comes clean.
“Weeee are the fiend club! Weeee are the fiend club, not you, not you!” Sang along Frank to the stereo while I brushed my teeth. I sang along with him through a mouthful of toothpaste, making him giggle. I laughed and spat into the sink, wiping my mouth and walking out. I felt so fresh… Frankie was like my anti hangover drug. But then again, it may not be Frankie. It may well just be the miracle powder concealed deep in my bag… I walked to Frankie, who was dancing around topless singing wildly, showing off his very sexy inked body. I grinned at him and said “come on, fool. We have a rehearsal.” He pouted and grabbed my arms , pulling me into a warped two step polka sort of thing. We danced around to the music for a while until the song ended and we collapsed on the couch in giggles. “Come on… The guys are waiting.” I said to Frankie, as the next song started. “I don’t wanna go though.” Said Frankie, still breathless from the laughter. “mmm, mmm.” I found myself humming along to the song. Frankie looked up at me and grinned. “We’ll leave after this song, promise.” He said softly, moving closer and resting his head on my shoulder. “There are 52 ways to murder anyone…” He sang along as I looked out the window, at the grey sky. I stood up and walked to the bathroom, turning to look at Frank on the way. He looked disappointed. He knew what I was going in there for. I looked back at him and smiled weakly, and using all the will power I have, I walked into the bathroom, leaving the door open, and washed my hands. I looked at myself in the mirror. I wrinkled my nose and walked back out, singing loudly “I was crying on Saturday ni-i-ight!” Frankie was sitting cross legged now, looking at the floor. “Frankie? You alright?” He shook his head. I turned the music down and sat next to him “What’s wrong?” I said. He slowly looked up at me as I put my arm around him in what was hopefully a comforting manner. “I dunno Gee… I don’t know if we can go on like this.” He said. Like what? I thought. We’re getting along fine, dancing, singing and being mates, like we used to… what’s the fucking problem? “What do you mean, Frankie?” I said timidly, trying to control my temper. “It’s great that you’re nice like this now, but how can I live not knowing what you’ll be like tomorrow? Getting scared every time you head for another room, get something out of your bag, go out somewhere. I can’t… I can’t keep trying so hard just for the odd few hours of happiness. And believe me, they are the best few hours of my life, every single one of them. You have no idea…” his voice cracked and he trailed off, putting his face back into his palms. “And I know I should just be happy for those few hours, like I always have been, but Gerard…. I love you. I can’t hide it anymore. These last two days have been like heaven to me, and I want it like that all the time, but you have to tell me now if it can be like that. I have to know. I can’t keep tagging along hoping for a smooth ride but getting a rollercoaster instead.” I looked away and rubbed my temples in hope of repelling my now oncoming headache. Frankie likes me? I thought. Well, it was news, I guess. I always assumed he’d liked me a little, the flirting, the onstage hook-ups. I sighed, because a long time ago, I loved him too. Everything I did was for my Frankie. Every breath I took, every word I said, wrote or sung, was for him. And it always had been. Until I met someone new. This new romance was a win win at first, until it was no longer a romance, but a fierce master and slave situation, where I had no say. I depended on it, until it became my master. After a while I stopped hoping for any type of salvation in Frank, and fell completely into my new romance. Booze and Pills were my only loves from then on. “Gerard… Please. Don’t feel obligated to do anything, I just needed to tell you. It’s been to long. At least you know now. I’m gonna go get coffee… I’ll meet you in the van. I simply nodded. There was nothing I could do. I was under complete control and I knew it. I had no time for Frankie. Not anymore.