''William, you're not a [/fag/]. I refuse it. And if you are, then I will not address you as my son any longer. You will be nothing to me.''
So it's set. I'm going over to Gerard's tommorow after school to discover the ins and out of Gerards daily life at home. Just thinking about it gives me shocks through my veins, pulsating the blood through my body faster than any drug has. And nothing atall can bring me down from this high. I unlocked the gate to my house and walked up the steps to the front door. I could hear voices from inside..moans to be precise. She's picked someone up and brought someone home. I sighed and unlocked the door, and came face-to-face with exactly what I knew was coming. In the kitchen was my mother...or Drew as I now call her, sucking face with a guy half her age, his hands roaming her body while she grinded against him. A pretty disturbing sight, but I was completly use to it. I walked into the kitchen, grabbed a coke and made my way towards the stairs when I heard her man whore ask her something that caught my attention.
''Who's the boy?'' he mumbled to her in between the sloppy kisses he was giving her.
''Oh him? He's no one. He's just some boy who pays rent to live here.'' He mumbled a ''Kay'' and then they were back to playing tonnsil hockey and touchy-feely. Seems like a pretty harsh thing to say, but it's the way we see eachother now. We are no more than two people who live in the same household. And that's that. It all started when I was 13 and I realised when I was in the boys changing rooms that I liked the look of guys. I wouldn't slober over some girl in a soft porn magazine because I just didn't like them in that way. So, i guess you could say that was when I realised I was gay. A homosexual. A fag. A nancy boy. Whatever name you have for it, I was that. And me and my mom were actually pretty close. I talked to her about my interests, my days at school, I snuggled up on the sofa and watched T.V with her. I did what every mother and son should do. But then I made the fatal mistake of telling her about my sexuality. No actually, It wasn't a mistake about admitting it to her. I'm glad I told her. It just wasn't a very nice sight when I told her. It was a normal day, me and her at the table eating our ready-made meals of spaghetti bolognese and It was silent, which was the perfect oppurtunity to tell her. So I told her I was gay. Her reaction? She laughed. Not a 'haha that's so funny' laugh. It was a bitter laugh, like she was disgusted that I even brought it up. And the words that came out of her mouth are etched in my brain like a scaring from a razor blade on your skin. And as they say, scars never fade.
''William, you're not a fag. I refuse it. And if you are, then I will not adress you as my son any longer. You will be nothing to me.'' Each word felt like a stab in the stomach. Stab, stab, stab, stab....It was never-ending. Finally after she said that to me, she picked up her knife and fork and carried on eating as if I hadn't even brought the subject up. After she had said that to me, the sight of her sickened me. The words she had said couldn't have been any worse and each word had built up a hatred that burnt inside of me and made me realise that, I didn't want a mother like that. One that loathed homosexuals. One that loathed me. So I got up from the table, faced her, and said words to her that I will never regret. Not for as long as I am on this planet or even after. I actually made a decision that was completly right.
''Well, I guess you are not my mother anymore.'' And since that day, i've had no mother.
I walked up the stairs to my room: my own personal zone. I opened my bedroom door, walked in and and an automatic rush or warmth ran through me. I always felt so safe and secure in my room, because I know that nothing can happen in my room. No noises from my mother and her toy boys, no being pushed around by people at school, no dirty looks from people across the street, looking at my tatoos like it's a bad case of HIV and, of course, I get to spend time with my best friend in the whole world. I walked over to my draws and took out her out. Fuck, she smelled good. I took her out of the paper bag and sprinkled some of her in a bong and lit her. I inhaled her in deeply and exhaled slowly, letting the relaxing effect take place. She made me feel so good, letting me forget all my worries and all the shit going through my mind just for a while. Just like Gerard did today. For once in my life, I was actually smiling and laughing. Because I wanted to. And for that little while, just talking about nonsense to eachother, he made me foget about everything. Just like her. Gerard Way, my own little drug. I started giggling hysterically at the thought, so hard that tears were spurting out of my eyes like the Niagra Falls.
Only her and Gerard can make me feel like this.
''...so I tap her on the shoulder and tell her that I have an eraser and she smiled at me and said 'thanks' and then turned back round. What do you think Gee?'' Mikey asked me, seeming really desperate to hear my opinion on whatever he was talking about. I looked him blankly.
''Errr...sorry mikes, can you say it again?'' He looked at me intently, an outburst of curiousity appeared across his features.
''Gee, what's up? You've been distracted the whole jourey home.'' His lips twisted into a wry smile.
''Is there someone you're thinking about? Someone you like the same way I like Lydia?'' It was an innocent enough question, but I couldn't help the blood rush to my cheeks and my mouth opening to deny it all.
''No! Honestly, there isn't Mikey, I swear! It's just I have a lot of coursework shit on my mind right now that I need to get done, you know...'' I trailed off and looked away from the expression on his face that showed he obviously didn't believe me. Even though It was the complete truth.
''Yeah whatever Gee.Anyways about Lydia...'' And I tried to concentrate as much as possible on this girl Mikey was on about, but my mind constantly flicked back to wiL. For some obsurd reason, I found myself feeling excited about tommorow when wiL comes round. Which Is very weird seeing as I love my own company and hate having to be with other people which don't include Mikey and my mom and dad. But for some reason, I felt completly at my own ease when I'l around wiL. I can be myself around him as he's into the same things as me. Maybe that's why I feel so relaxed around him. Because he reminds me of me. Anyways, I stopped thinking about wiL as soon as we approached our house.I still needed to tell mom and dad about wiL coming round tommorow. They'll most likely have a heart attack when I tell them that I'm bringing someone round.
As I opened the front door, mom was at the stove adding some carrots to the casserole she was cooking. She turned to me and Mikey and a smile lit her face as she gestured for us to go over to her. I walked over to her first while Mikey was taking off his converses, and was enveloped in a motherly scented hug. I have to say, she does give the best hugs which make me feel safe and protected. I guess all mothers have that gene of making you feel better after anything that happens. She kissed the top of my head and let me go.
''How's my boys?'' She asked us once she gathered Mikey up repeating the same procedure.
''Mmmm same old, same old...'' And then I remembered to mention about tommorow.
''Oh yeah, tommorow will it be okay if the boy i'm working with on a project comes over?'' I said it in a very casual way, but mom still came out with the same response i expected.
''You want a friend to come over? Of course you can Gee, that would be wonderful! Does he want to stay for tea? Tommorow we're having basic spaghetti bolognese but Grandma is coming round for dinner and she'd love to meet your new friend.'' Yeah, exactly what I expected.
''Mom, he's not my friend..well, we only really met today so I can't reallt call him 'my friend', it's just for the project. And I don't know if he'd want to stay for dinner to be honest so...'' I didn't know what to say after that so I turned my attention to the frayed threads on the washing cloth on the counter.
''Well, i'll make him dinner anyway and he can stay if he wants to. Tell him tommorow that he is welcome to stay for tea if he wishes.'' And with that, she turned back to stirring the casseroe. I walked towards the basement/my bedroom door when I saw Mikey on the stairs staring at me with a confused look inhis eyes.
''You never told me about a wiL coming round tommorow?''. I was sick of everyone going on about wiL so I looked at him with an exasperated look and snapped back.
''Well you didn't really give me a chance with you going on about Lucy?!?'' And with that remark I opened my door and slammed it shut, not before hearing Mikey shout down to me;
''HER NAME IS LYDIA GODDAMMIT!'', but by then my mind was concentrated on entirely different things: The bottle of liquor under my bed and wiL.
Two chapters in one day. I'm pretty proud myself. But that's thanks to you guys for giving me awesome reviews! Reviews make me update faster as they give me inspiration so if you like this crap, then review goddamit! Love you guys almost as much as I love wiL and gerard ;)