I pictured her sitting in front of with me, her face drained of color and eyes filled with warm tears.
Gerard was sitting on the couch messing around with his phone. I sat next to him.
“Just go tell her.” He directed me. I shook my head and sighed.
“It’s not that easy.” I told him. He just shrugged his shoulders and turned to face me.
“Tegan is coming over.” He said.
Tegan is Gerard’s current girlfriend. She’s pretty cool and I don’t mind her company. Tegan is obnoxious sometimes but she always makes this boring apartment much more exciting. I’ve gotten closer to her since Gerard started bringing her around. She’s really easy to get along with and talk to.
“That’s fine.” I mumbled.
“Maybe she’ll know what to do with Emily.” He said.
“Yeah maybe.” I said and got up from the couch.
I walked down the narrow hallway to my bedroom and laid on my bed. I needed to Emily. I can’t keep this from her. She’s my life and means everything to me. If I lost her, I’d lose myself. I felt tears well up in my eyes. I can’t do this. I can’t tell her. I don’t want to risk losing her. I hope she loves me enough to get passed this and carry on. I know it won’t be that easy. I wiped away my tears and picked up my acoustic guitar. I played whatever sounded good, nothing in particular.
“Where’s Frankie baby!” I heard Tegan shriek. I laughed to myself and put down my guitar to go see her. She was already heading down the hallway towards my room.
“Frankie baby!” She shrieked again. I smiled and pulled her into a tight hug. I hope Gerard keeps her around. Gerard can’t keep a steady girlfriend to save his life. Tegan seems like she’s a keeper though. Tegan pulled away from my death grip hug and placed her tattooed arms around my small waist. She looked up at me, surprisingly she was shorter then me, no ones shorter then me.
“I heard.” She said softly. I felt more tears well up in my eyes. She pulled me back into a hug and rubbed my back softly.
“What should I do?” I whispered in her ear. She let go of me again and tucked some hair behind my ears.
“Do you think you’ll do it again?” Tegan questioned. I pondered her question for awhile. Drugs aren’t easy to give up. Right now I’m thinking how much I’d love a line of coke or a hit of acid. I wish I had enough will power to think otherwise. I feel like such a bad person, a bad friend, that I can’t even think about stopping. I want to stop for Emily’s sake but it’s hard. I hate myself so much for even thinking of doing another drug. I just wish I could keep this from Emily. One way or another she’d find out and I probably would have been better off telling her myself. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if she found out on her own.
“Well?” Tegan asked. I looked into her pale green eyes that were drowning in black eyeliner and pink glittery stuff.
“I don’t know.” I answered truthfully. Tegan stared at me in dismay.
“That’s your problem.” She told me. “If you can’t stop, Emily is going to be so upset.”
“It’s hurting me so bad right now.” I said. “But I know it’s going to hurt her more.”
“You have to stop.”
“No,” She said firmly. “You will.” After she said that she squeezed my hand and left me standing alone in the hallway. Tegan’s right, I have to stop. I walked back to my room and sat on the edge of my bed. I reached under my bed and pulled out a small bag of the soft powdery substance. One last time wouldn’t hurt. I inhaled the monster into my left nostril and felt my body go numb. I was in heaven and I didn’t want to come back