''I will wait for this moment when our lips collide.''
‘’For the millionth time, X-Men comics are so much better than Spiderman comics. End. Fucking. Of.’’ Mikey stated for quite literally the millionth time whilst rolling his eyes, but had an amused smile that appears on his face when he’s enjoying something.
‘’No fucking way! Batman’s way cooler than Wolverine, or any of the X-men characters for that matter, and you know it. You’re just too up your own arse to admit it.’’ WiL retorted, but had a smirk on his face that I’d never seen on him before. He looked relaxed. And happy. For once he looked like he was enjoying something; talking more words than I had ever heard him speak. It made me smile.
‘’Pfft. Yeah right. Batman’s a fuckin’ pansy who has no powers whatsoever apart from a stupid cape that helps him fly. And he also has an equally dim-witted fool as his side-kick. I mean, what the hell is the point in Robin?!? I could do a better job than him any day. Nah, I’ll stick with Wolverine thanks.’’
Usually I would happily join in on this particular debate, but for now I just wanted to listen; enjoying each and every comeback that came out of their mouths, occasionally laughing when either one of them stuttered going ‘’Yeah, well…well’’ as they became more flustered by the second trying hard to think of a witty comeback. I just wanted to stand back and enjoy the moment.
Even though I focused intently on what they were saying, my mind couldn’t help but flicker back to at the school gate. wiL had acted so strangely, even for him. When I say strangely, I mean it was strange. When he first arrived I could tell he was upset for some reason, completely seeing through the smile he had put on. And then all of the sudden, he was all smiles and rainbows telling me how fucking great he felt! And he wasn’t faking it. I’ve been seriously wondering to myself if he’s bipolar because that would so explain it. But then I remember that he might not be, and that frustrates me because it makes me wonder what possibly could have got him upset like that. Well, there’s no point running through a million possibilities in my head because it’s pointless. There’s only one way to find out and that’s to ask him. I decide to attempt to push it out of my mind for now and I’ll just ask him later. If I remember, that is.
Mikey’s face looked very contorted, his mouth puckered and slightly quivering as if he was trying to say something but couldn’t exactly get the words out. Though wiL on the other hand, was smiling like a madman whose birthdays had come all at once. It looked like wiL was winning the debate hands down. For some weird reason, his smile made me smile also. But what was even weirder was that I had butterflies swimming around my stomach, tickling each and every part of my insides. Though, it wasn’t the horrible butterflies you get that make you feel icky and nauseous and cause you to sweat uncontrollably. They were nice butterflies that caressed the lining of my stomach in such a relaxing way that I never wanted them to fly away and disappear. You know that lovely feeling you get when you’re a kid and your mum strokes your hair to help you get to sleep after a nightmare? Or when your body’s aching so badly after a hard day and you get in a nice hot bath that causes you to let out a sigh of relief? It was kinda like that in the sense that I never wanted the feeling to stop. Hell, and this was all because wiL was smiling?
Walking home with Gerard and Mikey had been absolutely hilarious and fun as hell. We just talked about anything to everything, which was great because we all had so much in common. Even if it was comic books, D&D and our favorite bands. The main thing that mattered was that I felt so relaxed and calm because for once, I felt like I belonged. Words just rolled off my tongue so easily and carelessly, not once having to stop what I’m saying because of the sudden realization of the shit I’d get. Not that I really ever cared. But it’s like, whatever I said or did, they wouldn’t even care or give a fuck or laugh it back into my face because they’re cool with being uncool, if that makes any sense. They wouldn’t even care if I said that I wet my bed at night. Or that I was scared of the dark. The kind of secrets you write in your diary that you wouldn’t ever dare to tell anyone because it would make you sound embarrassingly uncool. But with Gerard and Mikey, I could tell them that and they would just laugh, not in a nasty mocking way, but in a ‘Dude, I can’t believe you just told me that but don’t worry it’s all cool’ way, and then they’d exploit one of their most cringe-worthy secrets and we’d all laugh and then drop it. Done and dusted. Out in the open for that moment, but then never to be spoken about again. Well, not in a torturous way. It’s not like having your secrets told, no, found out by the popular kids and bullies where when they find out secrets about you, they constantly haunt you with it every fuckin’ day, rubbing it in your face and making you feel like shit. And having that laugh ringing in your ears, like a broken record. The laugh that has that bitter mocking echo to it that seems to bounce off the walls of your brain and never seems to go.the fuck.away. No, it’s nothing like that at all.
And that’s exactly why I love being with these guys. Because they don’t judge me. And if I’m being honest, I don’t think they ever would because they know exactly what it’s like to be judged by prejudice assholes. Hell, our school’s full of them! So they know damn well what it’s like to be treated differently because of what you wear or who you are. And the more I think about this, the more that part of my conscience, a very minor part of it, tempts me to consider opening up to them about the one thing I have never even dreamt about telling anyone, even in my darkest nightmares; about being gay.
But then a much bigger part of my conscience mentally slaps me for even thinking about it. I mean, what the hell was I thinking?!? I’ve only known them personally for, what is it? Two days? No actually, I only met Mikey today. I mean, what the fuck? I must be officially insane for even approaching the idea of telling Gerard. What the hell does he even think of homosexuals? As nice as Gerard is, he could still be a homophobe for all I know. Some guys, well a large majority of them, have some obsession with being a ‘fag-hater’. If you bring up the ‘gay’ subject, about every single guy would instantly come out with some snark remark. Even some gay people themselves do. And it’s all because it’s a well known fact in high school that being gay makes you a complete pansy. And if you defend them in any way, then that makes you a pansy also. Or a ‘gay in denial’. So basically the end rule is, you’re either gay or you hate gays. And that’s that. Hence the pathetic life of high school.
So I guess I just didn’t want to tell Gerard because I was afraid that he would end up being like all the other guys. End up hating what I am. Or even hating me full stop. And that would quite literally break my heart. And it could be even worse. What if he became to hate me so much that he told people? Not that anyone takes notice of him anyway, but if it was a rumour about someone that was not cast as cool, then people would happily spread it around and make that kids life a living misery. I could imagine it all. They would all be huddled in their groups as usual, but this time it would be different. Instead of ignoring me as they do, they would all be staring at me with disgust. There’s no other word for it. Complete and utter disgust. Though the outcasts, people like Gerard and Mikey, would probably give me a bit of respect and just shoot me looks of sympathy every now and then. Or not. The not-so-popular-yet-not-so-unpopular kids would occasionally glance at me and then whisper to their friends. They would try and do it in a subtle way. Even though it’s far from subtle. And then there’s the jocks. Ah, the Jocks. They would do it in the least subtle way you could imagine. Actually, they would do in all their power to make their disgust as obvious as possible. The jeering, the mocking, the patronizing, the insults…I could hear the words so clearly that I looked around to check if anyone had shouted it.
‘’Ergh let’s go, we don’t want to be near [/that. We might get Aids.’’/]
‘’Ha, look at him sitting on his own! Don’t you have any faggots to do up the arse?
‘’Sir, can William get changed in the girls changing rooms? He’s less likely to get a hard on in there.’’
Yeah cos he’s a faggot. A dirty, cock-sucking faggot.’’
Faggot, faggot, faggot…that’s exactly what I’d be known as; ‘William the Faggot’. It would be a new permanent fixture for me. Instead of being ‘William the Nobody’ it would be ‘William the Faggot’’. And I can’t say I prefer it. And imagine if Gerard started calling me it too? And joining in with the looks of pure contempt. Complete despising. Despising me. That’s like my worst nightmare. Having the person I love, hate me. Because I’m gay. Because I’m in love with him. Because I told him that one day the secret I’d never told anyone, just because I’d thought he’d somehow understand. Suddenly, telling him just didn’t seem worth it.
We finally arrived at Gerard and Mikeys house. It was the second house in the row of terraced houses, with another row parallel. They lived at the street ‘Longhall Way’, which caused me to be immersed in a fit of laughter because of the irony between the street and their surname. It wasn’t really that funny, but I was so happy and, dare I say, excited that I felt like a completely different person. It was like my body was invaded by aliens. Happy aliens. And they had taken over my body, my mind, my mouth, my soul…I just felt so alive.
‘’Okaaay wiL, you’re sure easily amused.’’ Mikey said with an amused smirk whilst raising his eyebrows.
‘’No b-but don’t you get it? Gerard Way, Mikey Way live at…LONGHALL WAY!’’ By then I couldn’t hold anymore back in as I doubled over from the high voltage of laughter escaping my body, tears falling slowly from the corner of my eyes as my laughter was the only sound being heard. And then a piggy-like snort erupted from my throat which then caused a stunned, freaked-out Gerard and Mikey to join in with the giggles.
‘’Now that’s what I call funny! I thought it was only nerdy people who wear their trousers up to their armpits and actually do their math homework on time that snort.’’ Mikey stated once he finally managed to control himself, but it started all off again straight after he had spoken.
‘’What, people like you then?’’ I joked in a teasing way, and suddenly Gerard exploded into more laughter than I had ever heard before. I looked over at him and he had his hand over his mouth muffling the laughter as he looked at Mikey apologetically, who looked a bit huffy for a moment, but then slowly smiled at me in a sarcastic-slash-joking way.
‘’Ha-ha very funny, but at least I don’t sound like a cross between a pig and a gerbil when I laugh.’’ Mikey pointed out, and for a minute there, we stared intently at each other with our eyebrows raised, but then gave into the urge of the much needed laughter. That is the first time I had laughed like that in so long, I can’t remember.
As Gerard opened the front door, I was met with a spicy, beefy aromatic smell that caused my mouth to salivate. I had never smelt anything so delicious. I stepped through the door first, onto a white mat that was laid out onto the matching white carpet that spread out across the hallway. Without even thinking I wiped my feet on the mat, which then left muddy tracks over it. Oh shit., I thought. I suddenly felt my heart pounding as I gulped down the fearful lump in my throat. What a great first impression, ey?
‘’Hurry up wiL! We wanna come in sometime today!.’’ Mikey complained. And then I heard a female voice come from another room.
‘’Oh sorry, I’m just coming!’’, and as I made room for Gerard and Mikey to step inside, a round, plump woman with graying, golden blonde hair and wearing an apron came through the living room into the kitchen, which was connected to the hallway. Once she saw me, she gave me a welcoming smile that instantly made me feel comfortable as I smiled back at her.
‘’So you must be wiL.’’ She announced as she got closer, ‘’It’s lovely for you to come over.’’ She said, her voice full of warmth and love, as she enveloped me in a somewhat comforting hug that caused me to inhale her sweet cinnamon scent entwined with a hint of her expensive smelling perfume. It smelt just like a mother’s hug should. I was a little taken aback from this gesture as I’ve never really had this kind of affection shown towards me before. Well, not for a long time. But after a moment, I hugged her back; feeling the soft wool of her jumper and the plumpness of her body beneath. Hugging her made me want to smile and cry at the same time. I wanted to smile because hugging her comforted me in a way. She hugged me like I was her own; like she loved me as she did Gerard and Mikey. I wanted to cry also because one thing I wanted more than Gerard’s love was a loving mother. A mother that wouldn’t care about what I am and actually have an unconditional love for me. A mother that would love me no matter what. And I envied Gerard and Mikey for that.
After, she held me by the arms and stepped back a little and gave me a lovely, warm smile. I noticed she actually didn’t really look like Gerard and Mikey. She had natural golden blonde hair that was now gracefully graying, and pale blue eyes that shone and glittered with life back into my own. She was also quite a robust woman. Even though Gerard was a bit chubby, it was only puppy fat. And Mikey was as skinny as a rake. So they were very different in appearances.
‘’Erm, thank you Mrs. Way. F-for letting me come over this evening, I mean.’’ My nervousness was clear in my words, if not my voice, as I spoke. I wasn’t used to this kind of thing so words didn’t come out of my mouth as natural as I would like. I bet I sounded pathetic. But she just smiled at me yet again in an ‘aww’ kinda way and rubbed my arm affectionately. No one’s ever looked at me like that before; like I’m adorable. Francesca’s what you class as ‘adorable’. But not me. Fuck no!
‘’Aww honey, it’s my absolute pleasure! I’m just so happy to finally know Gee is making friends. It truly brings happiness to my heart.’’ She admitted as she smiled at Gerard, who was now next to me cringing slightly.
‘’Mom! You don’t need to make me sound like such a sad pathetic loner.’’ He complained whilst rubbing the back of his neck with his right arm, which was currently blocking my view to see his face. I smiled at his embarrassment. It was sweet how much I could tell him and his mother were close. Even from just knowing their relationship for ten or so minutes, I could tell they had a strong bond. A felt a twinge of pain in my heart.
‘’But you are GeeBee.’’ Mikey said with a fake innocent smile as he slided through the gap between me and ‘GeeBee’. Gerard gave him the evil eye as Donna hugged Mikey the way she had hugged me, but gave him a kiss on his temple also.
‘’I don’t know what you’re talking about Mikeykins. You’re not exactly cool yourself are you?’’ Gerard mockingly snapped back. But gave him an evil smirk soon after.
‘’Yeah but just remember, I’m cooler than you’ll ever be so...nerr!!’’ Mikey finished, sticking his tongue out playfully. I then laughed at the playful side of Gerard and Mikey’s relationship; a side I’d never seen to them before. It was extremely amusing to watch.
‘’Gerard, Michael don’t be silly! Not when there’s guests here.’’, She said as she shot me an apologetic smile. But you could tell she wasn’t really telling them off, ‘’And remember, Grandma is coming round at five for dinner.’’ Gerard smiled a little then and nodded at Donna, and then went over to the stove where Mikey was currently sneaking a spoonful of Bolognese into his mouth. Donna then turned her sparkling eyes to me.
‘’ Elena’s looking forward to meeting you an awful lot. Since he’s started high school, she’s been…how do I put it…worried about Gerard. Since high school, he’s always been quiet about his school life. He’s always been extremely close to Elena and loves her dearly. When Gerard was in middle school, Elena would always be round when he and Mikey got home from school. Each day, he would sit on the coach snuggled up to Elena as he excitedly told her about what happened each day at school. It was like a routine between them. We would get inside the house and he would say hello to Elena while I got him and Mikey their biscuits and milk. He and Mikey would then sit on both sides of Elena, cuddled up with her arms around them, and she’d ask the exact same question each day: ‘So boys, did anything happen at school?’, and there would always be a story to tell. Well, from Gerard anyway. Mikey would usually just sit there munching on his biscuits as he looked up in awe at Gerard. He really looked up to his brother, Mikey did. He still does now! But nowadays, when Elena ever asks him about school he just uses answers in monosymbals each time. wiL, can I ask you a question? And please answer as honestly as you can?’’, Donna was looking at me with such pain in her eyes; pain for what she fears she might find out. The love she had for Gerard was so pure and strong, that I could see it and feel it radiating from her.
‘’Yeah, of course.’’ I say this with such honesty because I really do want to help her, whatever the question is. The concern in her voice, the fear in her eyes and the love that she showed was actually painful to endure when she asked me that question. For once, I wished that I could be somehow useful.
‘’wiL…is Gerard really okay at school? I know you’re not a close friend of his but…you’re in some of his lessons, right? And you must see him around school…Gosh, I don’t care how little you know j-just tell me what you can. Please? I just worry about him, that’s all.’’ A tiny, glistening droplet escaped her eye as she blinked, which she then dabbed away with the hem of her apron. Seeing her so worked up and worried made me want to cry myself, as stupid as that may sound, but for once I decided to be the one to comfort. The one to help.
‘’Donna, it’s okay to worry about Gerard. He’s your son; I think that’s a good enough explanation. High school is undeniably tough and…to be honest, it changes you. When you’re in middle school, you don’t worry about anything. You don’t care what people think of you and you can just be yourself. But in high school, you start to worry about those things you didn’t need to before. Popularity comes into the equation and if you’re not popular, then high school can be pretty rough. And me and Gerard, well…we’re not exactly popular ourselves. We’re just the quiet kids really and we don’t really have an exciting time in high school. We just go school, do work and come home. Nothing really that worthy to tell.’’ After that speech, Donna looked at me like she was trying to work out something. But she then smiled, illuminating the soft creases around her eyes, as she rubbed my arm.
‘’Thank you for telling me that wiL. Really, I truly appreciate it.’’, she then cocked her head to the left and faintly smiled, ‘’You really are a wonderful young man.’’ I snorted at this and broke eye contact not believing she actually said that to me. As much as I made out I was embarrassed by the comment, I couldn’t help but feel touched. And I couldn’t help but let my heart swell with the happiness it created. No one had ever given me such a positive compliment before.
‘’No, I mean it. I think Gerard really needs a friend like you. I hope you could somehow become more than project partners.’’ As she said this, she squeezed my arm, gave me one last smile and walked back over to the stove. Once she reached where the stove was, she frowned as she picked up the spoon on the countertop which was covered in Bolognese sauce.
‘’Gerard? Mikey? Who’s been eating the Bolognese?’’ She demanded. Gerard and Mikey came rushing into the kitchen from the living room, both breathing heavily.
‘’Mikey!’’, they both exclaimed in unison as they pointed at each other. I found it difficult to contain the laughter that threatened to spill out so I turned it into a cough. Donna looked over at me with her eyebrows raised.
‘’I can’t believe the basement is your bedroom! It’s so fucking cool.’’ wiL said, tracing the walls as he walked down the steps down to my bedroom/basement.
‘’Yeah, I guess it’s pretty cool. When I was six, I had an obsession with wanting to sleep in the basement. I had seen so many horror films in the past where the victim would walk down the basement stairs with a nine-inch long knife and there would be the creepy music on in the background. And you just know that in any minute, the killer would jump out and slash her face and stab her in the chest. And even though you knew it was going to happen, it never fails to scare the shit out of you. So anyway, the idea of sleeping in the basement appealed to me because, even as a child, I enjoyed the rush of adrenaline you get when you’re afraid. The way your heart bangs away at your chest; making you alert 24/7. I still do. But it’s not as exciting anymore, because when you get older, you realize that whatever happens in films doesn’t happen in reality. Well, most of the time.’’
We were now perched on my bed, sitting in silence. wiL was vaguely nodding his head, and then turned to look at me quizzically.
‘’You know, there’s actually one film that’s never scared me shitless. And it’s actually known as ‘The Film To Scare You Shitless’.’’
‘’Oh yeah, what’s that?’’ I asked after taking my Converses off and turning to sit crossed-legged facing wiL. He then took off his Nike Dunks and laid his legs vertical on the left side of me. And then after a few seconds he started doing the ‘Jaws Theme’.
‘’Dun dun-dun dun-dun dun-dun-DUN DUN-DUN-DUN!’’ He then did an impression of attempting to savagely eat my teddy bears head off, but then pulled a sour face as he took it out of his mouth and started scraping his teeth against his tongue.
‘’Yeah, Bowie’s a bit on the hairy side so he may not taste so great.’’ I said with a straight face, but looking at wiL constantly rubbing his teeth against his tongue made me burst into laughter. Even though it wasn’t really that funny, his facial expressions were pretty damn hilarious. After finally managing to get rid of the excess fur coating his tongue, he gave me a sarcastic look.
‘’Yeah I realized. Ergh, he tasted like a cross between manky fur and dried cum. What the hell do you get up to at night Gerard?’’ He said in a jokey way, wriggling his eyebrows up and down in a seductive manner. I could feel the heat rise to my cheeks as I turned my gaze to my quilt cover; letting my hair fall in front of my face to hide the blush that was slowly coloring my cheeks. But I laughed it off while doing so.
‘’Yeah wouldn’t you like to know.’’ I answered once looking up, returning the joking smile he once had. But he then broke eye contact with me and stared at a lose thread on his black trousers. I continued to search his face for a sign that showed he was still playing along with the joke. But he was just staring down at his trousers; his cheeks tinted a little pink. The smile was soon wiped off my face. Why hadn’t he denied it? He could have at least laughed along to show he was still joking around. But he hadn’t. It seemed as soon as I made that remark, he stopped joking. He couldn’t possibly…mean it? I mean, it was a joke. He started it fair and square. You can’t just turn a joke into something serious? The same way as you can’t turn something serious into a joke. It just isn’t possible. Yet it seemed wiL had done just that. His eyes then slowly traveled up to meet mine, as if he was afraid. I felt…curious, more than anything. So I guess that’s exactly what my face is portraying. Curiosity. Once his hazel green orbs were finally level with mine, he opened his mouth slightly, but no sound came out. His mouth then slowly shut again, but his eyes were still drawn to mine. And mine were to his. Just like two magnets. He was north and I was south. Our eyes were completely attracted to each other and the only way to break it was to physically pull away. But neither of us wanted to. I could feel my heart pumping quicker with each breath I took, causing my blood to circulate my body faster than ever before, sending shocks and ripples underneath my skin. I’ve never felt this way before; this uncontrollable feeling of wanting and needing something. Or in this case, someone. I didn’t care to go over what the fuck was happening. It was just happening. And that’s all that matters. For now…
Long time, no speak. I hope you are all doing well. Sorry it’s been kinda a while since I last updated but I’ve had a busy week with revising for exams and completing coursework. Anyways, I hope this chapter made up for it, being longer and all. I’m a bit disappointed with it so I’m sorry if you’re disappointed too. But I did put a lot of time and effort into this chapter so please give me at least a little credit . Preferably through reviews. Honestly, I would really appreciate it if you all give me your views on the story and this chapter. Seriously, it would really make all the work I put into this pay off. Yet again, thank you! xox.