Review for Dawn of Time

Dawn of Time

(#) Pheonee 2006-06-28

"Speech" or 'quotation' marks were invented for a reason. The enter key was also placed on the keyboard for a reason. The reasons are so that your story is acually understandable. Put line breaks befores and after each person who speaks. For example...

~Andrea turned to her friend.
"Jackie, I know you like him, are worried for him. But right now, the best thing for him wold be to ket him rest." Her dark eyes held Jackie's tearstained, electric-blue ones.
"I-I guess you're right." Jackie let out a choking sigh and followed Andrea out of the emergency room, hiccoughing and sobbing, leaving her boyfriend's motionless body behind...~

All the same, I love the plot and hope you update soon.