Hm, not BAD, but there's a few things you'll need to be wary of.
Firstly: OOCness - Ryou was in-character. Bakura was not. He needs to seem...I dunno, a bit more fierce and rough around the edges. He swore a bit, but his attitude is too cuddly, even if this is AU.
Secondly: NO FAN-JAP! Please please please, I don't ever want to see the word 'koi' in a fanfic again...it's just too cliche.
Thirdly: length. Make the chapters longer! I was just getting into the story when it was over. Wah? I understand you needed to cut if off there because you wanted a cliffhanger, but they could do with being a bit longer and more descriptive.
Overall though, very good, so I won't give it a bad rating or anything. I like the idea of Ryou coming from a deeply religious background - but I can also see the idea of Bakura living in a room draped in black with pentagrams everywhere. The main concern is with how nice you've made his character - work on that and the story will improve vastly.
ReaperRain
Author's response
I just wanted to thank you for this review. I can't remember the last time I received a review that was actually helpful. So, thanks for the constructive criticism, I really appreciate it.