Hey your story aint half bad, although you definitely have problem with captilizing the letter "I" and you seem to have this fetish in saying Sirius is dead quite a lot! But hey other than that you aint to bad a writer. I can name you numerous writers all over the net of hp stories that while they write a interesting plot there writing style reminds me of a 3rd or 4th grader, in other words really, really bad. So there dont let yourself get down you have room for improvement but... keep writing please and keep updating this story, you got me downright interested!
Author's response
Thanks. My native language doesn't capitalize first person pronouns, so it's bloody hard to remember. I'll keep writing. I have some points to make with this story, as well as some situations i really want to put Harry in. Expect rapid turns, though.
Vanir