that had more of a story and some decent dialogs. whilst your no shakespear (never liked the guy, lol) this was worth the read... if you plan to keep the same structure and perhaps work on a thing or two, this will be great.
i do hope you have a plot planned out and try to stay away from some aspects of superHarry. but, everything else is fair game.
the fact, that they are not already in bed, in teh first chapter is a plus... and whilst harry is OC, its an OC that many of us want, because we don't agree with JK in the 6th and 7th book...
congrats, and the twist with the dursley will be good, as well as why Gabbie's name wasn't brought up in the opening scene by the stranger...