Wow. You. Are. Brilliant.
This story is amazing. It started off with a plot that didn't look like it was going to be much- but it has become something much, much greater.
I love your characterization, description of different worlds/places, the cute scenes you have here and there, the relationships, the humor, the action, the mystery, just... EVERYTHING.
I honestly wish I could write a story like you do. Mine all just end up starting to become dark(er) and complicated. But even in a time of great peril, you're able to pull out a laugh and have it make sense, and it lightens up the whole mood. I envy you for that.
For constructive critasism, I would like to see a bit more characterization in Jay- he seems to be a little 'all-over' the place. Now we know that Jay is rather serious and doesn't 'play' too often, so him taunting Theresa or 'sining like he was drunk' are a tad out of character for him, especially since he's usually embarassed whenever he's teased about being Theresa's lover. I understand, though, the relationship between him and Khail (I don't think I spelt that right) is one of a love-hate scenario, so the arguing is good there.
Also, to end up in the dust/star-world that Theresa, Jay and the shadowwolf are in right now, wouldn't you have to be 'killed' by the beast? (Except Jay who is 'visiting') So how then did that Shadow Wolf get there? I may be rusty on my facts, but I think it was other Shadow Wolves who killed him- right?
Anyways, some more description and maybe more inner-refelecting would be nice (in my oppinion at least) but maybe that's not your style, so then just forget about it.
On a side note- maybe Jay or Theresa could wish that the woman could die and be reunited with Trevor?
Anyways, wonderful job here and I hope this review isn' a load of useless junk ;D
~Demenior
Author's response
Thank you so much first of all for all the hard work you put into the review. I'll answer your questions. I really, really glad that you like it. Wow. And don't put down your story. It's not dark. And besides I just randomly think of funny things and then add them... I think I've been spending to much time with my dad. And remember, you and I are still young and have time to work out any kinks.
The constructive critism is appreciated. I'll try to add a bit more characterization in Jay. It's more like he was absoultly determined to get answers. And in the 'Lovers
bit. When I said he sounded like he was drunken, I meant like he was in utter shocked and couldn't really slur out his words right. Should've been clearer on that. And yes I love writing those little scenes between the two. Though I've toned it down a tad. "My eye color is better!" Who woud argue about that.
Ou mean Khalil. I'm sorry if I didn't make that clear in chapter 14 and some later arguments in the chapters. But Khalil was the lowly shadow wolf that no one liked, because he had one green eye. Green symbolized weakness. And then the shadow wolf, Khalil, saved Theresa in chapter 7. So he was affected instead.
Thanks for that. I added a lot more before... (inner thinking = Why are you here?) but now Theresa is all depressed. Who wouldn't be dissapearing like that!? But I'll add more then.
Jay or Theresa could wish that the woman could die and be reunited with Trevor? That might be so. But I have a different direction for the wishes. And it's not possible for them to use their wishes in the dream world.
Thanks so much. It was not useless junk. Thank you for taking the time.
-Nuuoa Eclaire