Review for Eclair


(#) Afuna 2005-04-09

Ergh, I wish that there was a keyword "Amusing", but I suppose "Funny" will just have to do XD

I had a lot of fun reading this fic. Probably not as much as fun as you seemed to have had writing it, or as Takamiya has had torturing Izumi, but still loads of fun ;)

The part where Izumi says "..." made me wince. It's just so... well, even if the fic is humor, it's all proper prose except for that part. I think that a short description of Izumi's action at the moment -- whether he tensed up or what -- would work for me far better than what did not come out of his mouth ;D

Other than that though, very good phrasing and flow. My favorite part?

"It was embarrassing. It was -- really hot,..."

Because I can imagine it, almost as if it were happening in the manga. From Izumi's initial resistance, to his grudging, er, acceptance, to the punchline at the end: very nice timing (for want of a better word).

Oh yeah psst (not sure whether HTML works in reviews but I hope it does): "frustration" ;)