Well, there's potential in this here fic, but I think I'll pass on further reading. Think about what you're trying to say with a fanfic like this. Are you just pretending that you're having this little adventure with the boys of AFI... or do you have something important to say about the world or who they are? Further, wouldn't it be better, if his is just your fantasy, to embelish it and make it.. well, readable? You have some interesting ideads, but they're executed in a way that shows irreverence for the band and the language. Keep working at it. You've got potential, but it's a long road.