Review for Blood

Blood

(#) broken_wings 2008-03-13

Beautiful, beautiful. You describe the feelings of love so wonderfully.

I only have two suggestions, very technical, picky stuff:

"other than the fact that the last words I may have said to you would have been in anger.”

You kind of lose me in this sentence...Try "do you honestly think I give a shit about some petty argument we had, other than the fact that our last words were almost said in anger?"

And
"Of course it wasn’t the first time they’re tongued, "
I think you meant to say "They'd" just a typo :)

Once again, excellent story. Really really good, and definately 1st-place-worthy ^^

Author's response

oh, I thought I deleted that bit
it really made no sense at all!

ooh, I will go and change that

and thank you for being honest, so many people just say 'that was great' when I know things could be improved

and I don't think I will win
but thanks anyway!
hugs